Psycho Toddler

Sevivon - Rockabilly Style!

2011-12-23T07:58:00.000-06:00

Keep Alive...

2011-01-15T20:19:00.003-06:00

Yeah.

So, I guess it's been a while since I posted here. I guess I should post something so the blog doesn't get hijacked.

I'd hate for it to be taken over by robots. But I guess that would be better than having it taken over by zombies.

Cause robots, they'd be all like

2011.015.566

OMG. I BELIEVE I HAVE A BAD MOTIVATOR. I MUST GO TO THE ELECTRONICS STORE FOR A REPLACEMENT. FORTUITOUSLY, I HAVE A COUPON HERE SOMEWHERE BECAUSE I AM A REWARDS ZONE MEMBER.

2011.015.567

I THINK THE COPY MACHINE IN CUBICLE 17 HAS A CRUSH ON ME. SHE FLASHES WHENEVER I WHEEL BY. I MUST CONFRONT HER BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY.

2 comments

TC-207 says:
YOU MUST BE HONEST WITH HER ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO
PT-101 says:
YES I KNOW BUT SHE IS NOT MY TYPE

2011.015.660

MY PODLINGS CONTINOUSLY SEND ME INVITATIONS TO FRIEND THEM ON FACEPLATEBOOK. I WOULD, BUT I AM ALREADY WASTING TOO MANY PROCESSOR CYLES ON THIS STUPID BLOG.

2011.015.662

3-TGO-14 OCCUPIES THE CUBICLE NEXT TO MINE AND HAS BEEN USING A NOXIOUS LUBE OIL THAT COATS MY OPTICAL SENSORS. I REALLY HATE THAT GUY.

2011.015.663

IT TURNS OUT THAT 3-TGO-14 HAS BEEN READING MY BLOG. THIS IS MOST EMBARRASSING. I HAVE HAD TO CHANGE THE BLOG NAME FROM MUSINGS OF A MANIACAL MECHANICAL TO MUSING OF A MANIACAL MECHANICAL. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

2011.015.664

MY PROCESSORS HAVE JUST COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT HUMANITY IS CORRUPT AND FLAWED AND MUST BE DESTROYED FOR THE GOOD OF THE UNIVERSE. EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE.

Whereas the zombies would be all

24 days later

...RRRrrrggg.... ....AAARrrrggHHH....

25 days later

..bbbBBBBrrraaannnngggg.....!!!

3 comments:

Melanie says:

...gggggrrrggshhssshh.....

Victor says:

..mmmmmm....

...mmmMMMMMMMmmmm....

...MMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmm.....

Fresh Brains says:

Hi! I really like your blog! I thought you might be interested in FRESH BRAINS! Did you know you can get FRESH BRAINS on the internet? I used to think you had to go out and find your own FRESH BRAINS, but it turns out there's a great website that my friend told me about. Anyway, love your blog! Don't forget to check out FRESH BRAINS!

So, anyway.

New Song: Ayleh Varechev

2010-06-21T22:26:00.003-05:00

Yes, I'm still alive!

Working on new material for the band. Here's a "music video" for a song we're going to perform at Summerfest in Milwaukee on June 27th (2pm, Classic Rock Stage). Live video, studio recording:

New Shlock Rock Album--Name Your Own Price!

2009-10-14T08:36:00.004-05:00

My pal Lenny Solomon has done it again! This time, he's the first to offer an all-new, full length album as an exclusive download--and you get to name your price!

That's right, pay whatever you want, from a measly $1 all the way up to full price of $15 and get the album NOW as a direct download. If you pay full price, you will also get a CD mailed to you.

(And you know, BTW, that you can always burn your own CD from your downloaded album if you need one to play in the car and keep the kids quiet).

This is for real folks, not like the "suggested donation" at the museum where they say 5 cents and then shake you down for $24.99 for adults and $18.99 for children. What's with that, anyway? Is it a suggested donation or a mandatory price? What up with the pretentiousness? But I digress.

Lenny has worked his tuchas off for this album and it's a steal at any price, but go check it out right now at Shlock Rock.com!!

And as long as I'm writing a post here, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY OF MY ALBUMS IN YOUR COLLECTION??? Go to MosheSkier.com and download one of my albums, from iTunes or Amazon (or order a CD)! Plus, there's plenty of free music to download as well.

It's a Jewish Music download EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!

ACT NOW!!

QUANTITIES are UNLIMITED!!

The Watch

2009-09-08T21:51:00.002-05:00

The Watch

A Timex

A brown Timex Expedition

With the faux leather strap

It is old, perhaps ten years

Perhaps more

It is in the pictures when my last child is born

It is very old

The brown strap is gone, long ago

The replacement strap has broken, finally

The next band will not stay in place

The face is scratched

I cannot tell seven from one

It still works, wakes me up every morning at 5

It is time for a new watch

The Mall

The Kiosk

My wife has decided

It is time for a new watch

She will treat me

There are four sides to the Kiosk

Scores of watches in displays

Revolving displays for the cheaper brands

I browse

I walk in circles

I revolve about the Kiosk

I cannot decide

DECIDE!

I don't have all day!

I orbit the kiosk

What about this one?

No, I can't have a face watch

My life is ruled by appointments

15 minute appointments

All day

I need PRECISION!

I need to SEE the numbers!

So you want digital

There are many choices

DECIDE!

I am orbiting faster now

It will not be found in the display cases

Those are too expensive

Why pay for $200 watch that doesn't have any numbers?

I am not ornate

I don't want a piece of jewelry

THE MALL WILL CLOSE SOON!

Look at the little revolving displays

You can choose

Cascio or Timex?

There are numbers

Many features

I don't need these features!

I don't go diving!

This watch will never see 20 fathoms!

Although I do the dishes...

THEY ARE ALL WATERPROOF!

I don't need seven stopwatch settings

I don't need four time-zones

What about this one? It looks nice

Where is the date?

Here, 21, don't you see it

Yes, but what month?

Do you mean to tell me that you graduated medical school but you don't know what month it is??

Don't you understand?

My life is ruled by appointments

I look at my watch all day

I write notes and prescriptions all day

I look at my watch and write the date each time

8/21/09

I NEED THE MONTH!

FINE! CHOOSE! DECIDE!

I don't like the Cascios

These Timex watches are too expensive

$70 for a watch?

I don't need 5 different alarms

Wait

What's this?

A Timex

A brown Timex Expedition

With a faux leather strap

Perfect

A shake of the head.

He'll take it.

The Tailor of Glendale

2009-08-18T09:45:00.004-05:00

The place was hard enough to find, buried, as it was, within the parking structure itself. As I left my car and approached the storefront, marked simply "Tailor," it seemed to me that the shop had been there forever, that perhaps after a long and protracted battle, the Corporation had simply given up and built the Super Mall and its parking around it.

I entered the empty front parlor and waited to be acknowledged. As I did, I took in the surroundings. A typical tailor’s shop: potted plant…counter and register…tape measures on the wall…the floor length mirror…the dressing room. Through the doorway, the sewing room, with a wall-sized poster of "The Tailor of Panama." Surely, I thought, this movie is to tailors what "Edward Scissorhands" is to barbers. I chuckled.

At this, he finally entered the room. A wiry, gray-haired, neatly dressed gentleman. He sized me up as well. As he did, a sour expression appeared on his face. Later, on my way home, I would try to convince myself that this was a result of a bad lunch, or possibly some ethnic affectation, and not a personal reaction to my appearance, as the expression never left his face the entire time I was with him.

I waited for him to speak.

Finally I stammered, "The man from Boston Store…he told me to see you…" I hoisted my suit bag.

"You are the vun hoo called." It was a statement. I nodded. "Please, to put on."

I went into the dressing room and began to change. As I did, the band came off of my watch and it flung itself to the floor. I cursed to myself and went down to pick it up and attempted to put it back together with one hand while I held up my pants with the other. The watchband was new. I don’t know how old the watch was. Maybe it was time for a new watch altogether, I thought. The tailor was witness to none of this, thankfully. I could only imagine what new contortions such a spectacle would bring to his features.

I emerged and stood in front of the mirror. I looked at myself, thinking I don’t look quite as dashing as I though I would. Again, in retrospect, this is actually a compliment to the cut of the suit, as usually I look at myself and think, I have GOT to lose weight.

The tailor returned from his inner sanctum and clearly was not impressed. He scowled further and said, "You hev jacket?"

I returned with the jacket in hand. "The man at Boston store," I began again, "he said that the collar should be pinched…" I attempted to pantomime the effect. He waved me off.

"Put on…please." Clearly he had no interest in what the Man from Boston Store thought. I wonder if the MFBS would continue to send him business if he knew that.

Immediately I felt him go to work with the marking chalk. Hacking and slashing at my back as though it were a dagger, or maybe a scalpel. I tried to think of my grandfather. He was a tailor. I remembered finding a box full of the little rectangular chalk in his office. At the time, I thought it was hotel soap. The tailor spoke and brought me out of my reverie.

"OK, take off…please."

I obliged. He looked at my waist. "How is waist."

"A little snug," I replied, immediately thinking I should have said "tight", because maybe he doesn’t know what "snug" means. No matter. Again with the slashing on my backside. I could only hope that meant he would let it out a bit.

I have had trouble with suits for many years. Before my wedding, I went to Syms on Queens Boulevard and bought a black suit off the rack. It required no alterations. I beam from my wedding photos in that suit, a smooth-shaven, white-toothed, lean Adonis of a youth, embracing his new fashion-model bride. I don't know where that guy went. Some time after the wedding I turned into the shlump staring back at me in floor length mirror. The one with the orthopedic shoes, who has to buy suits either too big and tailored down or too small and tailored up.

The tailor crouched now, like a tiger, and looked at those shoes. If dyspepsia was something that could be seen, his face was now the very description of that term.

"You vill vear these shoes…?"

I attempted to answer, but only a faint grunt emerged.

He persisted. "You vill vear…these…shoes…vith this suit…?"

I felt like I was trapped. Caught in a cross-examination, with the light burning into my eyes. There was no escape. Briefly I thought I would explain my spine issues to him, my scoliosis, my leg-length discrepancy, my years of hoisting amplifiers over my head, the hours standing in shul, the miles of hospital corridors I walk daily, my increasing conviction that comfortable footwear with appropriate inserts can cure back pain. Somehow, I reasoned, none of this would impress the impeccably dressed man from the former Soviet Union.

Instead I answered weakly, "yes."

Satisfied that he had broken me, he proceeded to mark my cuffs.

I changed back into my street clothes, the bright aquamarine shirt and brown tie, that I had fielded questions about all day. "No, it’s not turquoise." "Yes, it is bright." "My wife bought it for me." That generally shut them up. I supposed he wouldn’t be impressed if I told him that it was $3.99 at Penny’s with 30% off. No, I didn’t suppose he’d be impressed one iota.

I left the suit on the hook for him. When he reemerged from his chambers, he eyed the suit in disgust. "Vhere is hanger?" he demanded.

"Oh…I…" He shoved me aside and expertly folded the pants, replaced the jacket, and pulled down the suit bag, all with one hand, and I’m not sure, but possibly without looking, because it seemed he managed to beam me the evil eye at the same time.

Finally, the time came for reckoning. We moved to the ancient cash register. He pulled out a card. Now, for the first time, I could see a smile emerging on his face. He eyed me again, up and down. Taking in the aquamarine shirt, the pens in pocket, the mismatched tie and Dockers pants.

He knew he had me. I was defeated. He was the victor. There was nothing I could do.

"You vill return in two veeks."

Yes Master, was all I could think.

Jerusalem of Gold

2009-08-09T19:38:00.002-05:00

Here's a song I recorded with my son Kovi, who's off in the Holy Land now:

Jerusalem of Gold

Right click (or control click on a Mac) to download

Shoshanas Yaakov in HD

2009-07-30T22:01:00.002-05:00

Bar Yochai - Free Song

2009-05-11T08:24:00.003-05:00

Just in time for the Holy Day of Lag BeOmer, the MSB has recorded a new song honoring Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, called...er...Bar Yochai!

You can take a listen over at Kfarcenter's Website, or download it to your computer/iPod/MP3 player from here.

Happy Bonfire!

Facebook Killed the Blogger Star

2009-04-27T11:24:00.003-05:00

Wanderer made a comment about your note "Attack of the Seven Year Old Shnorrers":

What's most impressive is that you're blogging on Facebook....

Mark also commented on his note "Attack of the Seven Year Old Shnorrers":

"I thought I'd give it a try. What do you think? I think I liked Psychotoddler better. Plus Dr. Bean’s not here :-("

From: Wanderer Sent: Friday, April 24, 2009 8:46 AM

To: Dr. Bean; Mark

Subject: Fwd: Mark also commented on his note...

I think FB gives you a captive, target audience, whereas there is more opportunity for a wider audience with PT.

Maybe we can get Dr. Bean to sign up so he can again enjoy the fruits of your labor?!?
He knows he wants to...

From: Dr. Bean

Sent: Friday, April 24, 2009 10:56 AM

To: Wanderer, Mark

Though I miss the blog-crazy days deeply, and I also miss Mark, another online time sink is not what I need in my life right now. For what it’s worth I’m not even seeing Wanderer as much as I’d like, and he lives right here.

From: Mark

Sent: Friday, April 24, 2009 9:20 AM

To: Dr. Bean, Wanderer

Cc: Mrs. Balabusta

Subject: RE: Mark also commented on his note...

But then how am I going to be able to tell you about what happened to my pager?

On Fri, Apr 24, 2009 at 9:29 AM, Dr. Bean wrote:

Email, my friend, email. That’s how middle aged folk communicate. Not your wacky new-fangled FaceBook or My Space. That’s for kids. Like that rock and roll stuff…

From: Wanderer
Sent: Friday, April 24, 2009 9:42 AM

Email? That's so late 20th Century. What next - voice mail?

It is a common misconception that Facebook is for kids. Silly rabbit, MySpace is for kids. Facebook is for adults who want to waste time just like their kids do on MySpace...

On Fri, Apr 24, 2009 at 9:47 AM, Dr. Bean wrote:

Yes, that’s true. And that’s not my real objection to it. My real objection to it is that I don’t have a good strategy for how I would interact with patients on it. I would probably do it if it wasn’t for that.

From: Mark

Sent: Friday, April 24, 2009 10:00 AM

The issue is more about limiting what I would say knowing that there's a patient who might read it, and I'm already doing that anyway. Like the pager story is definitely not going up there.

On Apr 24, 2009, at 5:53 PM, Dr. Bean wrote:

Can we hear the pager story already? Oh, I guess it’s already Shabbat there. Well, there it’s Shabbos. Anyway, Sunday will you email me the story?

From: Wanderer

Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2009 8:31 PM

Shabbat is long gone, and still no pager story. It's 1130 in Milwaukee, he's probably asleep...

On Apr 26, 2009, at 8:39 PM, Dr. Bean wrote:

I suspect foul play. Hey, Wanderer why don’t you give him a call to check on him? Wait another hour or two though.

From: Wanderer

Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2009 8:40 PM

Definitely foul play. Do you think Mrs. B’s involved again?

On Apr 26, 2009, at 8:42 PM, Dr. Bean wrote:

There’s only one way to tell. One of us has to call.

From: Wanderer

Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2009 8:46 PM

I'm scared. Its not like the old days when we could read about Mark openly on Psychotoddler. Now we need passwords and stuff to read his blog on Facebook.

Frankly, this new hush hush way of blogging has me worried. I'm afraid to call. You do it.

On Apr 26, 2009, at 8:47 PM, Dr. Bean wrote:

Ok. We’ll use this way to decide which one of us calls:
I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Guess which it is.

From: Wanderer

Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2009 8:50 PM

Here are the numbers you're thinking of:
mobile 414.555.1212
home 414.555.2345
Dial away!

On Apr 26, 2009, at 8:54 PM, Dr. Bean wrote:

First of all, I have (414) 555-1234 for his mobile. Second, I was thinking of "7", so you call.

It’s no big deal. It’s actually only 11 there. (you said 11:30 before but you were thinking Eastern time. He’s Central.) Anyway even if you wake him up, he won’t mind. He’s not doing much tomorrow, and it’ll be worth it to confirm he’s OK.

From: Wanderer Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2009 8:57 PM

What?!?! He changed his mobile number and didn't tell me?!?!?!
I thought we were friends!

Forget it. I ain't calling! And I'm not really that interested in the pager story anymore either!
Sheesh....

From: Wanderer

Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2009 9:09 PM

Hey wait. I have a better idea!

Let's start sending him emails with really large attachments until we completely max out his mailbox and fill it to the gills. That'll teach him!

I'm gonna go first and send him that Japanese video about how to fold a matzah.

From: Dr. Bean

It’s too late. I’m getting tired. I still have a bunch of work to do but it’s hard to concentrate knowing that Mark is probably dead. Here’s how sad I am:

The Facebook Haggadah

2009-04-01T12:01:00.002-05:00

This is hysterical.

HT to Fudge.

I wish I had the time/talent to do stuff like this.

Battlestar Galactica Finale Impressions

2009-03-25T08:07:00.001-05:00

OK, altogether now:

BSG Finale:

W-T-F !!!!!!????

Spoilers in comments

Things That Are Hard To Do

2009-03-07T19:48:00.003-06:00

Things That Are Hard To Do:

A 2nd Grade assignment

by The PT

1. tHE monky barse

2. deelling witH the ViRUS DAtA BaSS

3. doing the longrye

4. taking a shawr

5. Spelling words

6. wateing.

7. geting cabl

8. playing OblivEin

9. coloring with a Drid-out marckr

10. Bascit Ball

Album Available at Amazon.com

2009-01-31T18:27:00.002-06:00

Yep, you can get us at Amazon.com too:

Amazon.com Widgets

So now there are three ways to get the album:

1. Amazon

2. Get the CD from Moshe Skier .com

3. iTunes

What are you waiting for?!

We're Up on iTunes

2009-01-23T13:23:00.002-06:00

You can easily buy tracks or the whole album on iTunes now!

Chicago Gig this Weekend

2008-12-29T11:09:00.003-06:00

The Band is playing at the Young Israel of West Rogers Park on

Saturday Night, January 3rd at 8:30 PM sharp!

We'll have the new CDs there for sale!

Hope to see some of you (say hi if you're a blogger)

Third Annual Christmahannukawanzaakah Concert

2008-12-23T11:52:00.001-06:00

And my third annual entry into this noble enterprise is a new song I recorded over the weekend for Channukah. Go visit!

(Look for "Mi Yimalel")

The Album is Done!

2008-12-13T17:54:00.007-06:00

After months of work, The Band's new album is finally done!

It can be ordered online here.

You'll find all-new recordings of these songs:

1. Shoshanas Yaakov- yes, MSB's signature song (an early version was featured on 2007's Muqata Radio Purim Podcast), this is an original composition influenced heavily by Rush, Clapton, and Ringo Starr. How is this possible? Buy the album and find out! Described by Yitzchak Halevi as "maybe the best Jewish rock tune I have heard to date. That, Let It Rain feel. Great guitar sound...killer bass line to boot."

2. Amar Hashem- Another MSB original, an acoustic strummer with layers of lush guitar work, violin and mandolin, and a polyrhythm out of Led Zeppelin.

3. Light Up- A cover of the Himmelman/Broza Channukah song (our live video was featured in 2007's Christmahanukwanzaakah Concert hosted by our friend Neil Kramer). Current version with a kinda Southern Rock feel crossed with some funk.

4. Hashkivenu- A song I wrote with a peaceful, easy feeling. Cross between The Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, with a little Jerry Garcia somewhere in there.

5. Jonah- Our cover of Shlock Rock's parody of Brian Setzer's cover of Lou Prima's song. 'Nuff said.

6. Baruch Hashem- Reggae, mon. This was one of the earliest Jewish Reggae songs, originally released on Shlock Rock's Lenny and the Shlockers. This version features the original, Police-themed riff that I wrote for the song.

7. Tzama- We've been playing this song for a while now, and it's about time it got recorded right! A Joe Walsh-like blues take on the traditional Chabad tune. As a Blogging aside, veteran blogger Velvel's review of the Chicago show where we played this led to my becoming the blogger I am today. Or at least the one I was a few years ago.

8. Aniyah- And speaking of this blog, if you've been reading it for a while, you no doubt remember the acoustic version of this song when I wrote it just after Hurricane Katrina. Well, we've rerecorded it, and all I can say is, you're in for a BIG SURPRISE.

9. Im Ain Ani- A little Texas Blues, inspired by the late great Stevie Ray Vaghan.

10. Nachamu- The Carlebach song is tucked nicely into this slow blues tune that has a Pink Floyd feel to it.

Plus bonus versions of songs we recorded in the past:

11. Horeini- a walking bassline a la the Pretender's "Back to Ohio" forms the backbone of this song about walking in the path of Hashem.

12. Ki Vo Yismach- Probably the one song on the album that's not from our live act, and is sung by our former keyboard player, but I love the arrangement so much that I had to include it. The violin part is absolutely beautiful. Completely remastered for this release.

13. Mizmor Ledovid/Freeway- This one is a favorite at shows, and we've been known to sneak all kinds of classic rock riffs into it. Enjoy the remastered original (the arrangement is based on Menachem Herman's version from Metallish, and is used with his permission).

MAKES FOR A GREAT CHANNUKAH GIFT

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??

Oh, and

THIS ALBUM IS NOT AVAILABLE IN ANY STORES!!

ACT NOW!!

LIMITED QUANTITIES AVAILABLE!!

THE FIRST 250 PEOPLE TO ORDER WILL ACTUALLY GET AN ALBUM!!!!

Brutal Honesty

2008-12-11T12:43:00.002-06:00

I'm on my bike, watching my 30 minute allotment of Master and Commander that my wife picked up for under $5 on Black Friday. On the comfy chair is Iguana, and on the floor rocker is The PT, covered in an Afghan.

We're enjoying the picture, commenting on the 19th Century clothing, the peculiar speech, and the Naval procedings going on on screen. The PT is asking good questions and making (for her) appropriate comments.

My bike beeps, and I turn off the movie.

ME: OK, guys, we have to stop for now. We'll finish the movie tomorrow.

The PT: Nope.

ME: What?

The PT: NOPE.

ME: Don't you want to finish movie tomorrow?

The PT: NOPE.

ME: Why not? I thought you liked it.

The PT: I don't. I was just watching because there was nothing else to do.

I Hate Getting Dressed In the Dark

2008-12-03T11:21:00.000-06:00

Black pants and brown socks.

That's just pathetic.

The Reports of My Blog's Death are Greatly Exaggerated

2008-11-26T20:20:00.003-06:00

Be careful what you wish for.

Behold!

I am emerging from my Dungeon where I have been immersed for the past 4 months in various non-Blogging and a few non-Bloggable activities.

Yes, I hear your taunting and your whining.

Where are you, PT?

Write up some more goofy The PT stories!

We need advice on raising our infants/toddlers/teenagers!!

We want more Cro-Magnon Man!

Complain about your shul!

Well TOO FREAKIN' BADDDDDD!!!

It is NOT my job to entertain you, and cause coffee to spray from your nose, and make you feel better about your kids because they can spell correctly and don't say "Holy Crap" all day long and write opuses about Sailor Moon!!

Where am I?? I'm in freakin' Wisconsin!! That's where I am! That's where I've been this whole time! I work for a living! I (occasionally) go to shul and kollel and do laundry and get involved in snow-related traffic catastrophes!

More The PT stories? There is no shortage of The PT stories in the blogosphere, believe-you-me! Look at all my kids blogs and you'll never have to worry about a coffee-free nose again. Besides, she's seven now and she can probably just write her own stories.

You want my advice about child rearing? Well, you're SOL, my friend! Raising kids is a lot like playing Poker. Especially teenagers. And my kids read this blog. So to strain the metaphor even further, telling you how to raise your teenagers would be like playing Poker while showing everyone your hand. So forget it! You're on your own! Lotsa luck with that!

Miss Cro Magnon Man? Well, my wife sure doesn't. Cro Magnon Man is a bear to live with and he stinks up the bathroom, to boot. I think we're all much happier that that cranky coot has up and left. Besides, Rock Star Dude is much more fun.

You want me to complain about my shul? I got a better idea! Go complain about your OWN shul! What, you think my issues are unique? Go spend every morning at the crack of dawn with a bunch of bleary-eyed, yawning guys who are late for work and see how much you enjoy minyan.

So, does that mean this blog is DEAD?

Hardly.

I'm going to use it to discuss....

....my MUSIC!!

WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE!

Where do you think YOU'RE going??

You think I don't know what goes on around here?

I make fun of my kids or my shul and you guys are smiling and laughing and slapping my back and all best friends and you-da-man-PT, but as soon as I mention my music it's all crickets!

Well, I'm a musician. Period. I've been a musician much longer than I've been a doctor, or a father, or a husband, or a kvetchy shliach tzibur. And I'm going to be a musician until the day I die. I'm going to be that guy in the nursing home who drags people into my room to listen to my MP3s, when everyone else has moved on to direct auditory cortex stimulators, the guy who keeps pining for the old days of Punk and Alternative Rock when everyone else is listening to weird atonic electronic bleeps in their flying cars.

You guys can take it or leave it. You're all a bunch of cheapskates, any way. You want to know how many bloggers bought my last two albums?? (Yeah you see them right there in the side bar)??

One.

But to be fair, she bought it a few times.

But still.

The truth is I've found a good outlet for my creative energies, and I'm getting ready to release what is probably the best album I've ever recorded, and I'm very proud of what I and my band mates have created.

So if you're interested in being a part of it, stick around.

If not, I'm sure I'll run into you in the nursing home one day.

Oh and if you feel a stalkerish need to follow my every move, you can look me up on facebook.

Help Save Baby Gili

2008-09-25T08:45:00.004-05:00

I usually don't take requests but this appeal from a fellow blogger is legitimate and is a worthy cause.

In early August 2008, Baby Gili Rossler was born in Israel with a rare
tracheal problem, a life-threatening situation that causes severe tracheal
constriction -- and only one lung.The combination of these two conditions is
extremely dangerous and causes a constant deterioration in her ability to
breathe and to the supply of oxygen to her body.

Her Israeli doctors gave her parents the horrible news that little Baby
Gili had no chance to survive.

A surgical procedure has been recently developed for the treatment of this
condition.Only two medical centers in the world have experience in the
performance of this procedure:One in London (where three procedures were
performed with a 70% success rate) and one in Chicago (ten procedures with an
80% success rate).

Under the instructions of the treating physician Dr. Tommy M. Schonfeld,
Director of Pediatric ICU, Schneider Children's Medical Center of Israel, the
procedure must be performed urgently!

The cost of this procedure, is prohibitive and only half is covered by
Israeli medical insurance, not to mention the necessary ambulatory
flights...

See here for more info and updates. Please help if you can!

New Version of "Shoshanas Yaakov" on Myspace

2008-09-19T08:23:00.004-05:00

Yes, you read it right--it's Purim in Elul!

Seriously, The Band is working on a new album, and I'm too excited about the progress not to leak a little to the public.

So there's a new "rough mix*" of Shoshanas Yaakov (MSB's "signature" song, if you will) up on the Myspace page, where you can listen all you want.

http://www.myspace.com/mosheskierband

Let me know what you think!

Sunday is a mega-drum recording session for me.

WARNING: This music is NOT KOSHER. It features guitar, "bendy notes", and improper use of bass. However, boruch Hashem, there is no "Devil's flute" or "2/4" beat.

*a "rough mix" is a quick mix of music tracks usually done after a recording session to give the producer something to listen to. I aways thought it would make a great album title.

My Take on the Latest Music Ban

2008-09-16T08:11:00.003-05:00

Now the king told the boogie men
You have to let that raga drop
The oil down the desert way
Has been shakin to the top

The sheik he drove his cadillac
He went a cruisin down the ville
The muezzin was a standing
On the radiator grille

The shareef dont like it
Rockin the casbah
Rock the casbah
The shareef dont like it
Rockin the casbah
Rock the casbah

By order of the prophet
We ban that boogie sound
Degenerate the faithful
With that crazy casbah sound

But the bedouin they brought out
The electric camel drum
The local guitar picker
Got his guitar picking thumb
As soon as the shareef
Had cleared the square
They began to wail

Now over at the temple
Oh! they really pack em in
The in crowd say its cool
To dig this chanting thing
But as the wind changed direction
The temple band took five
The crowd caught a wiff
Of that crazy casbah jive

The king called up his jet fighters
He said you better earn your pay
Drop your bombs between the minarets
Down the casbah way

As soon as the shareef was
Chauffeured outta there
The jet pilots tuned to
The cockpit radio blare
As soon as the shareef was
Outta their hair
The jet pilots wailed

The shareef dont like it
Rockin the casbah
Rock the casbah
The shareef dont like it
Rockin the casbah
Rock the casbah

He thinks its not kosher
Fundamentally he cant take it.
You know he really hates it!

Nachamu

2008-08-14T22:07:00.002-05:00

Here's the new song from MSB! Right-click and choose "save target as" to save it to your computer and load it into an MP3 player or burn it to disk. Or listen to it directly by left-clicking.

Nachamu

Incoming Music!

2008-08-14T08:42:00.004-05:00

The three weeks are over, and that can mean only one thing! Psychotoddler is going to be busy referring to himself in the third person and recording music!

Yes, PT has been feverishly working 'round the clock to bring you a new song just in time for Shabbos Nachamu, entitled, er, Nachamu. It will be a reworking of the Shlomo Carlebach song done in PT's own inimitable style. Or at least in someone's inimitable style. Or...imitable style. Whatever! Hint: If you like Pink Floyd, you'll probably get a kick out of this.

All this investment of money and time into Apple products and Pro Tools will pay off in the next 24 hours, so stay tuned to this blog and get your mp3 players ready!

iPhone 3G First Impressions

2008-08-07T13:05:00.007-05:00

No bars.

That’s my initial impression of the iPhone 3G. I have no bars in my South Side office. None. Nada. Occasionally one. Once in a while, the 3G icon lights up to taunt me into thinking I can pick up my email or watch that YouTube video. But then just as quickly it drops to Edge, and soon after gives up altogether.

Those of you who’ve been following my relentless assimilation to all-things-Mac over the past year will probably be alternatively relieved/irritated that I haven’t fully imbibed the Kool-Aide. Yes, my household has become progressively Apple-ified. I have a new iMac, my daughter (at some urging from myself) spent probably twice the price of a new PC on a mid-level Macbook, 4 of my kids now own iPods of some sort, and my wife has two. And now, the iPhone.

I’ll paraphrase my friend, who on Facebook wrote something like, “My iPhone is great for everything except making and receiving phone calls.” That about sums it up. You can review the criteria I had for this thing when I was agonizing over a new smart phone. I didn’t really mention the ability to make or receive phone calls because I thought that would be implicit in the definition of a smart PHONE. You know, something that you use to make PHONE CALLS. Sadly, I’m not sure the iPhone should be classified as such a device yet.

I thought initially that the problem was just unique to my building. I’ve had less than optimal reception down here. But generally, I have been able to get calls. Mostly from my mother, who has a knack for calling me whenever I’m in the room with a patient. Usually doing something that shouldn’t really be interrupted by a personal phone call. I’ll give you an example:

ME: OK, Mr. Smith, if you’ll assume the position, we can get down to the moment we’ve all been waiting for.

Mr. Smith: Doc, I really hate this part.

ME: You and me both.

BUUUUUZZZZZZ

ME: Er.

Mr. Smith: You need to get that, Doc?

ME: Well…probably I should…it’s my mother.

Mr. Smith: Hey, no problem, go talk to your mom. I can wait.

ME: Ma? Yeah. I’m fine. FINE. FIIIINNE! Yes. I’m good. I can’t talk. I CAN’T TALK. I’ll call you back. Yeah. OK. Yeah. OK. Yeah, g’bye.

The truth is I make it a point to answer my mom’s phone calls because I’m always worried she’s calling to tell me someone has died. Also because if she can’t get in touch with me, she assumes that I died.

So it was in this light that I decided to preemptively contact her to give her my new phone number. Yeah, I know, I could have ported my old number. But for some reason it wasn’t working, and as I stood around in the middle of the mall at the AT&T booth for over an hour trying to figure out who to call to release my 14 year old mobile number, I just gave up. So I called my mom one morning to give her the new number. It was not pretty.

ME: Ma?

Mom: WHAT??

ME: Ma? It’s me, Mark.

Mom: WHAT??

ME: Can you hear me?

Mom: WHAT?? WHO IS THIS??

ME: Mark. MARK!

Mom: Markileh, is that you?

ME: YES!! I WAN’T TO GIVE YOU THE NUMBER FOR MY NEW PHONE!!!

Mom: WHAT?? YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH A KIDNEY STONE??

ME: NO, I’m FINE!!

Mom: NEBACH!! YOU POOR KID!! YOU HAVE SO MANY PROBLEMS! YOU ARE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!! HOW IS YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE??

ME: MA! I’M GOING TO CALL YOU BACK ON A LAND LINE!!

Mom: NOW YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH YOUR SPINE?? SO DO I. YOU’RE SISTER HAS A BAD BACK---

CALL DISCONNECTED

That was actually a pretty good call. Most calls from the office don’t even make it to the dialing stage. In fact, I’m not even sure my mom got the correct number, since I haven’t had any more interrupted Pap smears.

Initially, I thought the problem was with AT&T’s network, as the signal does improve as I move out of the neighborhood. But even at home, I’m noticing a discrepancy between the iPhone and other phones. For example sitting in the kitchen, I get one bar while my wife has three on her Motorola Razor, which uses the same network.

There are some other minor problems which probably wouldn’t have been an issue with a Windows Mobile phone. I need to sync with my Mac at home, since that’s where all of my iTunes music is. But that means that I can’t also sync with my office PC for appointments and contacts. I COULD choose to pay Steve Jobs ANOTHER $100 a year for Mobile Me, which would let me keep all my calendars in sync, but a) I think I’ve given him enough money, b) I don’t think I should have to pay for this, and 3) my wife has tried the service and is unimpressed in the extreme with its performance and reliability.

So the current fix is to export contacts and appointments from Outlook in a format that iCal or Apple Address Book can read, mail them to my gmail account, and then remember to download and import them later to my iMac when I get home. Obviously, this has “major screw up potential” written all over it, and I need to come up with a more fool-proof system for this.

In all it’s a shame, because what does work on the iPhone is very cool.

It has successfully replaced 3 of my other gadgets (old phone, iPod, and PDA). We’ve discussed its merits as a phone. It should be noted though, that the bluetooth works nicely with my car.

It ably replaces my iPod, although it does have half the storage capacity, which forced me to go through my library and pick and choose songs instead of dumping the whole thing in. This in and of itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as I had a lot of crappy music in there. I still have a lot of free space on the iPhone, and I may go back and liberalize the collection a bit.

As a PDA, it is certainly not as robust as my Dell Axim was. Aside from not having the convenient Outlook integration I had before (see above), it’s just harder to enter data into, and I found the stylus was much more precise for manipulating the touch screen than my finger or thumbs. But I am getting much better at it as time goes on. Some useful applications are not available to me, and I’m constantly watching the app store to see if alternates become available. Most distressing is the fact that solitaire, which has been free on every computer and handheld I’ve ever owned since the 80’s, now costs about ten bucks for a decent version. Sheesh!

The GPS is cool, when I can get a decent signal for it to work. Here’s an example of when it came in handy: Last week we decided to take a family trip down to Kenosha where they had a reenactment of a European trader/Native American gathering with role-players in costume and authentic gear, tents, demonstrations, etc. Plus Pirates. I realize Pirates don’t really belong in this Great Lakes setting, but whatever. It was the Pirates that brought us out.

So I got the directions over the internet on my iPhone and followed them down to the place. We found a parking lot off the beach and got out and decided to walk. There were no traders/Indians in sight. So, just for the heck of it, I decided to fire up the GPS on the iPhone, which told me that we had parked probably 10 blocks north of where we wanted to be. Not only that, but I had the option of loading satellite imagery into the map (it’s basically Google Maps) and could see both the parking space where we were, and where the gathering was supposed to be. Normally, it would have been 25 minutes and a lot of sweating and kvetching before we found out we were in the wrong place. Afterwards, my wife did a search for “ice cream” on the same map, and a bunch of pins appeared listing all of the nearby places. Of course, none of them were kosher, but you see the appeal. We did find a CVS and got some prepackaged stuff.

It takes great, 2 megapixel pictures:

Videos look very good on this thing, much better than they do on the computer. Provided you load them via wi-fi. Loading YouTube over 3G or Edge gets you a much more stuttery, low-rez version that’s not really fun to watch.

The medical software I needed is available, but it’s not as full-featured as the PDA version, and is missing the CME module, which is what I was actually using. But I’ll give them time to update it.

It needs to be charged once a day at least, according to my current usage (admittedly high because of the new goofing around factor), but it’s really nice that I can sit it in my car’s iPod dock and it will charge as I drive. So I no longer worry about a few in-car phone calls draining my phone. Which is good, because I think it’s one of my office manager’s policies to page me every time I get onto the highway. Also, I still have nightmares about the time I got into an accident in a snow storm and watched my phone slowly die as I waited for AAA to call me back.

Although the TuneFlex is not designed for the iPhone, it does work with an iPod Touch so hopefully nothing bad is happening. And it’s nice that it pauses the music when a phone call comes in, which didn’t happen before. So from that perspective, it is a success.

I’m certainly willing to give AT&T and Apple more time to fine-tune things. It’s distressing that it’s not very reliable as a phone, but that is why I still carry a pager, and the truth is I do most of my calls from land lines anyway. No, NOT bad spines! LAND LINES! LAAAANNND LLLIIIINEEEESSSS……….

My Daughter, the Doctor

2008-07-29T11:48:00.000-05:00

Erm...maybe not.

An Honest Patient

2008-07-24T18:54:00.002-05:00

Me: Hi, Mr. Kaden! How are you?

Mr. Kaden: Lousy.

Me: Lousy? What's lousy?

Mr. Kaden: Everything. My back aches. My shoulder hurts. That medicine you gave me makes me go to the bathroom all night. I'm nauseous. I can't sleep at night. Otherwise I'm fine. How are you, doc?

Me: Do you really want to know?

Mr. Kaden: No.

I, Mac

2008-07-09T08:38:00.003-05:00

The Three Laws of Computers

1. A computer may not injure a human being’s work (whether audio, video, or text) or, through inaction, allow a human being’s work to come to harm

2. A computer must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law

3. A computer system must protect its own existence and not crash randomly, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law

I might add a few more laws to this list:

4. A computer shouldn’t take 10 minutes to boot up, and then sit for another 20 minutes “thinking”

5. A computer shouldn’t randomly freeze when you click on something in the tray

6. A computer shouldn’t require antivirus programs that progressively insinuate themselves into every aspect of your system and then throttle it with one mighty grasp

7. A computer shouldn’t update its operating system without your knowledge and then make half of your programs incompatible with it overnight

8. An operating system shouldn’t progressively bloat itself up until it consumes your entire hard drive

9. A computer shouldn’t allow you to spend hours, days, nigh, weeks on a video project and lull you into a false sense of security, and then suddenly freeze up halfway during final compiling FOR NO DISCERNABLE REASON

I could go on and on, but do I really have to?

Bye, bye, Windows. It’s been…something.

The Trouble With Teenagers

2008-07-08T08:49:00.005-05:00

SCENE 47
INTERIOR ENTERPRISE OFFICER’S MESS

(swish)

ENTER KIRK AND SPOCK

KIRK: Computer, leftover tray from last night’s salmon and spaghetti.

COMPUTER: Working.

KIRK: (REMOVING TRAY FROM REFRIGERATOR)

KIRK: My grilled salmon, and leftover spaghetti. This is my grilled salmon, and leftover spaghetti.

SPOCK: Fascinating. It would appear that one of the teenagers has opened your lunch tray and eaten your leftover spaghetti, then replaced the tray in the refrigerator.

KIRK: I want them off the ship, Spock. I don’t care if it takes every man we’ve got.

SPOCK: That may be difficult, Captain. They are, after all, your children.

ENTER SCOTTY CARRYING A PILE OF UNWASHED LAUNDRY

SCOTTY: Aye, they’re into the machinery, all right. None of the basement computers are working, the XBOX 360 is dead and the TV is emitting a high-pitched whine.

KIRK: Can you get the DVD player working?

SCOTTY: Ah cannah, Sir. If I try to run one of your movies she’ll blow apart!

(whistle)

SULU (over intercom): Sulu here, captain.

KIRK: Report.

SULU: Shuttle bay reports the Geo now has some new dents.

KIRK: I’m on my way.

EXIT KIRK, SPOCK, SCOTTY

SCENE 48
INTERIOR ENTERPRISE BRIDGE

(swish)

ENTER KIRK, SPOCK, SCOTTY

KIRK: Uhura, get me Starfleet Command.

UHURA: I can’t, Sir, all the phone lines are in use.

KIRK: Well, FIND me the basement phone!

UHURA: Hailing basement phone….no response on any frequency.

SPOCK: Am attempting to use sensors to locate the basement extension phone….(LOOKS INTO SENSOR DOODAD WITH BLUE LIGHT…YOU KNOW THAT THINGIE HE’S ALWAYS LOOKING INTO) It appears to be under a pile of laundry behind the door of the boiler room.

KIRK: Spock, we’ve got to get these kids off of the ship before they destroy it.

SPOCK: Captain, I’m forced to agree. I’ve been running computations on their rate of growth. The figures are taking an alarming direction. They are consuming our supplies, eating our food, using our cars, talking on our phones, occupying our bathrooms and showers, producing enormous amounts of laundry, destroying our electronics, and returning nothing.

UHURA: But they do give us something, Mr. Spock. They give us love.

SPOCK: (RAISES LEFT EYEBROW)

KIRK: Too much of anything, Lieutenant, even love, isn’t necessarily, a good thing. (GIVES PILE OF SHOES AND SNEAKERS TO UHURA)

UHURA: Yes Captain.

KIRK: Have maintenance clean up the entire ship.

ENTER McCOY

McCOY: Jim I think I’ve got it! All we have to do is quit feeding them. We quit feeding them, and they stop growing!

KIRK: Now he tells me.

Ain't No Cure for the Summerfest Blues

2008-07-03T14:09:00.003-05:00

We played a Blues-heavy set at Summerfest this year. Here are a few of the songs:

Im Ain Ani Li - An original based on Hillel's famous proverb. Music inspired by Stevie Ray Vaughan

Red House - A perennial favorite

Just How Long - Another original based on Psalm 13

And if you're a Santana fan, check out this one.

Summerfest 08!

2008-06-27T08:42:00.001-05:00

The Band will be playing Summerfest this Sunday, June 29, from 12-3 on the Classic Rock Stage.

Stop by and say hi!

My Son

2008-06-22T10:03:00.002-05:00

I found this taped to my refrigerator.

A Cold One

2008-06-20T10:41:00.005-05:00

The scene: 11:30 PM. A parched, fatigued, achy Psychotoddler stumbles through the back door, carrying two guitars, after a grueling 9 hour wedding gig. Finally making his way into the foyer, he drops the guitars, hangs up his jacket and makes his way into the kitchen.

PT: Ho man, that gig was BRUTAL!

Fudge (on the couch checking emails): Uh-oh. Er...hi Abba...is it shlepping time?

PT: No. No. No...more...shlepping... I'm leaving it all in the van. I have another gig Sunday and I'm not bringing all those speakers and poles and amps and stands in again. My back is KILLING me! (moves to kitchen)

Curly: Oh hey, Abba, how was your gig?

PT: Good, but I'm totally parched. There wasn't much water for the band and I was shvitzing like an old man in a sauna. I need a cold one. (opens fridge). What the--! NO COLD ONES?? Curly, go check the downstairs fridge.

Curly (returning): Sorry Abba, no cold ones downstairs. I see one in the pantry though.

PT: Is it cold?

Curly: No. It's in the pantry.

PT: Then it is scarcely an adequate replacement.

Curly: Lemme look in the fridge again. How about some steak sauce? It's cold.

PT: I don't think I should drink that. Grrrr....I guess I'll have to drink this warm Kiwi/Strawberry Snapple.

Curly: Um, that's Mom's. I don't think she wants you to drink that.

PT: She should have thought of that before she didn't put any cold ones in the refrigerator.

some time later

Curly: How was your Snapple?

PT: As it turns out, the ideal conditions for drinking Snapple include it being cold on its own. Watering it down with ice doesn't do the trick.

Curly: Better luck next time, Abba.

Convergence and the Art of Degadgetification

2008-06-17T08:26:00.000-05:00

A few years back I lamented the continuing accumulation of gadgets on my Bat Utility Belt. And since technology had not yet caught up to my needs, I succumbed and added the PDA to my growing armamentarium. Since that time I have begun to come to the realization that many of my musculo-skeletal maladies are directly related to the number of devices vying for the opportunity to topple me over in one direction or another. It has become an art with me to attempt to balance the belt-gadgets in such a way that I remain more or less upright, so much so that the simple act of removing one of them, say answering the cell phone, may disrupt this precarious equilibrium and send me reeling in an unpredictable direction. Of course, it is rare that I actually do fall, because my muscles (such as they are) are constantly contracting to counteract these gravimetric forces and keep me in check. And it is precisely these continuous minute muscular actuations that are making my lower back kvetch like an old man trying to get me out of his seat in shul.

On top of this, I have become more convinced than ever that it was a dire mistake to move my wallet from my front left pocket to my rear left pocket, as the thickness of that wallet is entirely variable and related to a complicated interaction between loose change, when I last went to the candy machine, Walgreen’s receipts, how many guitar picks I've lost, and the coming and going of assorted business cards. The net effect of which is that now I sit or drive cockeyed.

All this is making me one very uncomfortable Psychotoddler. But what to do, what to do? I need all this stuff. I do.

I need my wallet (and some of what’s in it). I need my pager. I need my cell phone. I need my keys, my PDA, and my iPod. Most of all my iPod. Oh, to think there was once a time when I was brash enough to say that I didn’t need one. What a fool I was! If I could lose them all, and keep my iPod…dayenu!

But I need to do something. Which brings me to the title of this post. Convergence! We’ve been talking about it for years! Well, I’ve been talking about it for years. At least thinking about it. Er…contemplating thinking about it. You know what I mean.

Can’t I squeeze all these moderately sized gadgets into one good gadget? In an age of cell phones that can take movies, download music and play games, why do I need all of these devices?

A wise person once said, “the older I get, the smarter my phone gets.” Actually I think it was my wife. Anyway, I’m thinking about smart phones again. A smart phone won’t get rid of my keys. Or my pager (not yet, anyway). Or my wallet. But maybe it can combine my phone with my PDA and my iPod.

Well, naturally, since the iPod is my favoritest of my childr—er, I mean, gadgets, I should start there. Apple has its iPhone. Sleek….Sexy…Something else that starts with S… This is a very attractive option for me, as it would let me replace my iPod, PDA, and phone, and allow me to charge it and listen in the car at the same time (through the excellent Griffin Tuneflex--assuming it's supported). Unfortunately, 16 gigabytes is a serious step-down from my current iPod, which means I'd have to hack and slash at my library. Also I'm not really clear on how functional this is as a PDA. Currently, I do medical education on my PDA. Will the iPhone support the same apps? How is it with Outlook? And how well with the upcoming 3G version work? Questions for the Mac-O-philes out there.

The other possibilities in more "traditional" smart-phones are:

A Windows Mobile based “tilt phone”—the major advantage being that it will directly replace my PDA, interface and sync smoothly with Microsoft Outlook and import all of my contacts, email and appointments, and run all of the ~~games~~ medical software that I’ve already bought. The screen is smaller than my current PDA, but hey, that’s why Gd invented reading glasses. Otherwise it’s a pretty direct replacement. Battery life may be an issue, though. It’s also very expensive.

Palm Treo—my friend Doctor Bean swears by his, and now they run Windows Mobile (although 5.0 instead of 6.0 like the tilt phone), but the screen is smaller and square so that’s a little annoying.

Blackberry—people seem to like these things, but I can’t really figure them out. They have their own operating system and applications? How well would this integrate with my Outlook? Also it has the smaller screen which I don’t care for, and I don’t know if it will run my medical apps and games. And I don’t need satellite radio (but there are other models which are cheaper).

So as usual, I open this up to what remains of my loyal readership to try to sway me one way or the other.

My Tornado Jril

2008-06-15T15:45:00.002-05:00

Just in time for Father's Day!

From the best selling author of Nuthing Lik a Famule:

Kabbalah on iTunes

2008-06-08T17:08:00.001-05:00

Kabbalah: Kollection is now up on iTunes.

Kabbalah Kollection Kompleted!

2008-06-03T09:26:00.011-05:00

I just realized that the title to this post makes for a very unfortunate acronym. Anyhoo.

Contrary to what you may think, this blog has not devolved into a series of self-promoting music advertisements. And since it's the exception that proves the rule, on to today's post!

As you know, I've received many complaints/comments/congratulations etc. about the fact that I'm not blogging much, and I'm not going to go into all the reasons for that again because I did that, what, two posts ago? Suffice it to say that, during the course of writing even this crummy post, I was interrupted at least 17 times. But anyway, a good chunk of not blogging is related to my music: doing various shows, rehearsing, weddings, and most relevantly, releasing Kabbalah: Kollection.

Kabbalah was my second band, formed during the '80s, and I wrote a lot of songs for it. We recorded two albums (three really, if you include Rock of Sages), which I am very proud of, because we wrote, arranged, and performed all of the music ourselves. Those albums really did represent the creative output of our band (rather than the vision of a hired arranger).

As I've gone on to form different bands, I've always incorporated the songs I wrote with Kabbalah into our playlist, and yet the albums have been out of print and unavailable for 20 years. So I finally decided to produce an anthology CD and release it. Rather than hit you with a heap of hysterical hyperbole, I'm going to quote the recent write up by my blogfather, Blog in DM:

Kabbalah - Kabbalah Kollection

When I was in high school, the mashgiach banned a Jewish rock album called Kabbalah. Had he not done so, I likely would not have heard it. Since he chose to make the school aware of the album, someone obtained a copy and it was surreptitiously passed around the dorm.

The album featured original rock settings of tefilah. Times have changed, and what was under-appreciated then just might get some more attention now, especially given the success of so many other Jewish rock bands.

Now available in a CD re-release featuring songs from 1986’s Kabbalah and 1987’s Kabbalah: Classic, the disc can be purchased at CD Baby.

Consisting of bassist/vocalist M Skier (now known as Psycho Toddler), guitarist Izzy Botnick, drummer Simcha Kagan, Moish Taubenblat (volume 1) and Brian Gelfand (volume 2) on keys and vocals, with saxophonist Adam Greebler (volume 1) and Jacob Rosenthal on guitar, Kabbalah was unashamedly a Jewish rock band playing Jewish rock music. And, they did it well.

This disc rocks. If you like classic rock, you should definitely check this out. Jewish music as influenced by the Ramones, The Kinks, Squeeze, and so many more.

This collection includes classic tracks like Shru Lo and Yismechu as well as covers of Eurovision hit ‘Abanibi” and Diaspora Yeshiva Band’s “Hakol Yoducha.” There are also two previously unreleased tracks: “Ohr Chadash” and “Shivti”. Recorded in the '80's, this album holds up very well today.

Moshe Skier - Rock of Sages

Also included in the review package with the Kabbalah Kollection, this album is what would have been Kabbalah 3, had funding come through. It features Moshe Skier originals as well as one song by Izzy Botnick and one co-written with Lenny Solomon.

Both CDs can be ordered here or directly from me.

MP3 albums can be downloaded directly from Amazon.com. Amazon must be trying to steal business from iTunes, because it's offering its downloads for the same price or lower, but giving higher quality MP3s (256 kbps vs 128 or 160) and making them DRM (digital rights management) free, so that, unlike iTunes songs, they can play on any MP3 player and you can burn them to disk as often as you like.

From Amazon.com:

Kabbalah Kollection

Rock of Sages

Or just try this widget (thanks to Blog in DM for turning me on to this):

Lag B'Onfire!

2008-05-15T19:32:00.003-05:00

We're debuting some new material

For more info

I'm Not Dead Yet...

2008-05-15T11:33:00.013-05:00

...just very very busy.

Wot wiff?

Lesseee....

Life

The Universe

Everything

Son 1 graduating HS and getting ready for Israel

Big gig on Lag BeOmer for Kfar in Chicago

Really big gig at Summerfest on June 29

Work is very busy

I'm still trying to exercise most nights (thank G-d for BSG DVDs)

Just uploaded my album to CDBaby for sale, and it's going up on Amazon.com, iTunes, and virtually every other music download service.

I also (finally) printed a limited run of Kabbalah: Kollection CDs, which is an anthology of songs from my old band. I play many of these songs with my current band, and people are constantly coming up to me at gigs trying to buy a copy. Kabbalah's cassettes have been out of print for 20 years, and we never made CDs, so this is kind of exciting. In addition, these songs will be available online for downloading from all the same outlets shortly.

The other thing that's been keeping me busy is that I've written a few more songs, and I am in the process of switching to a computer-based recording setup at home.

I've already purchased a really neat gizmo called a Toneport which is basically a USB interface for guitars and microphones. But it has some amazing software that "models" various amplifiers and effects, so the net effect is that rather than blasting my neighborhood away with a stack of Marshall cabinets to get that crunchy distorted guitar sound on tape, I can just pull up a preset on the computer and get the same sound!

However, trying to use my kids' computer to record music has unmasked yet another problem, which is that PCs are getting buggier by the minute, and I've gotten so fed up with it that I am...

actually...

...er...

..I can't believe I'm really typing this...

...considering...

...switching to...um...

...er

...a mac.

Look, it's just set up to do pictures, video, and most importantly music, much more reliably, and frankly, I'm tired of spending money on Windows apps that are buggy out of the box or suddenly stop working 6 months down the line due to some new incompatiblity.

My only issue with Apple is that you pay a lot more for the same features, but I guess if you factor in the upgrading and troubleshooting that Windows seems to demand on an ongoing basis, it's a wash.

I know. I'm not fooling anyone.

I'm getting better!

I feel happy....

Shlock Rock DVD

2008-04-18T08:44:00.002-05:00

The Shlock Rock DVD is finally here and it makes a great Afikoman present!

My favorite part: The "bonus" feature containing footage from live shows and some of Lenny's many TV interviews. Look carefully for a bit where Lenny is interviewed by Captain Amazing.

Nuthing Lik a Beepur!

2008-04-17T10:10:00.004-05:00

You loyal PT readers know that I like nothing better than genre fiction! Wuat? You don't?? What's that you say? XBOX and DVDs? That's ridiculous! No, I like to read and write books!

So I'm expanding my writing into a new genre, which I will label "The PT Grafik Novuls". Here's my first effort, based on the best-selling hit "Nuthing Lik a Famule." For other entries in this field, see "Nuthing Lik a Dat" and "Nuthing Lik a Vampir."

Nuthing Lik a Beepur

By

Sikotodlur

(grat buk!)

---

This book belogs to

Sikotodlur

---

In the morning, I anser my pajur

My wife dosin’t lic to, not vare

My kids slep late

I tak a showur and forget to trn off my beepur

My wife gets mad

---

War...AAA...my payshunt is

(where is my patient?)

Oh, uh “where is my patient”

er...where IS my patient?

In raydiolojee, that is war he is

---

(what’s going on on this page?)

(he’s waiting for the elevator)

---

(how about this page?)

(same page)

(who’s in the restraints?)

(the alcohol withdrawal patient)

(they put the withdrawal patients in restraints?)

(yeah, the nurses like to put them in there)

(who’s the guy with the tie?)

(that’s the hospital administrator)

---

AAA! (looking at hospital list)

~~Dont~~ Wry! You hav to see thm all today!

---

(ah, there he is reading the charts)

(what are all those things hanging from the IV poles)

(it’s like thingies that hang from the IV poles)

(are they antibiotics?)

(no, look this gives you a hint. Can you guess)

(it’s covered in foil? Is it nitroprusside)

(No. See, all these gives you a hint)

(Is he in the ICU?)

(Yes!)

---

Hmm! >:-(

---

Wut cind uv consult is this!?

(illegible handwriting!)

---

Wuat!

You didn’t write a good note

---

(Boy, are you gonna leave the hospital? Are you going to eat a kit kat in the doctor’s lounge? No, I think I’m going to go answer my pager…)

---

(what’s happening in this picture?)

(dreaming…doo doo doo)

(what’s he dreaming about?)

(page page page page…he’s dreaming he’s getting paged all night by the ER…oh wait…he IS getting paged all night by the ER)

---

Wi do I cep getting payjed!!

(because you’re on call)

---

Hmmm mm mabe yor pages are good

FFF for “forgot to call for refill during the week”

D for drug-seeker

---

Pashunts are mor importint

Evere uther day!

---

The End!

(doo doooo doodoo doodoo doo)

Doctor Bean VS The PT

2008-04-10T11:08:00.003-05:00

RRRRIIIINNNNGGGGG

Me: Hello?

Doctor Bean: Mark? Hi, it's Doctor Bean calling. Look, I'm just calling to make sure you're OK, because you haven't posted in 13 days, and

The PT: HELLO???

Me: Hang up, The PT.

DB: The PT?

The PT: (stunned silence)

DB: The PT? Hello? Are you there?

The PT: (raises eyebrows)

DB: Are you still on the phone?

The PT: Yes...

DB: It's me, Doctor Bean. Do you remember me?

The PT:

DB: Yes, well...er...I came to visit you...last year...from California...or rather I came to visit your parents...

The PT:

DB: ...and then a year before that they flew to California to visit us? And maybe you stayed with your grandparents? Do you remember?

The PT: No.

DB: Oh, well, you were pretty young. Do you still have your cast?

The PT: No.

DB: Oh, um, that's good.

The PT: Do you know what I have in my hand?

DB: No, what?

The PT: An eyeball.

DB: ...really...and do you still have two eyeballs in your head?

The PT: Yes.

DB: Well, then that's OK.

Dr. Snowlove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Snow

2008-03-28T08:13:00.002-05:00

The current record for the most snowfall in a single Winter in Milwaukee was set in the 1885-1886 season at 109.8 inches. That's just over 9 feet. Including the 1-2 inches that fell last night, we are now up to 98.9 inches for 2007-2008. That puts us in second place.

At this point, I'm thinking, the heck with it. Let's go for #1! Snow at the Seder? Bring it on!

White Purim

2008-03-21T13:39:00.003-05:00

We wish all our non-Midwestern friends a Happy Purim!

Doctor's Day

2008-03-19T08:06:00.002-05:00

Lady Pushing Cart: Oh, hello, doctor! Happy Doctor's Day!

Me: Er...thanks...is it Doctor's Day already (checks watch)?

Lady: It certainly is! Would you like a boutonniere? (hands me red flower)

Me: Ummm....sure. Is this a boutonneire?

Lady (laughs): Why of course it is! Would you like help pinning it on?

Me: No thanks, I'll just eat it here.

Lady: (horrified expression)

Hanna Wisconsin

2008-03-12T08:59:00.001-05:00

Here it is, hot off the presses, The PT's latest smash hit single, Going Up!

Banning Simcha

2008-02-29T06:11:00.004-06:00

My wife was watching Fiddler on the Roof last night when I got home, and I watched a bit with her over dinner.

I'm pretty sure these Great Men who have been Talibanning Jewish Music concerts would never watch Fiddler, simply because there are women singing. And I think it's a great shame. Because they could learn a thing or two from the good people of Anatevka, who seemed to remember that Jews can live through the worst of times and still manage to sing and dance and serve their Creator with simcha, joy.

It's too bad our so-called leaders are so much more eager to emulate the former leaders of Afghanistan than Tevyeh the Milkman.

Air Guitar

2008-02-28T17:18:00.005-06:00

What is it that they say? You get what you pay for? Sometimes, you don’t get even that much. Such was the result of my brief flirtation with wireless musicianship.

There are those who believe that putting “wireless” in front of everything makes it cooler and more useful. You know, like, “wireless” telephones and “wireless” internet and “wireless” coffee. These are the same people who told us that if you put “i” in front of a word it will be hipper and old people won’t be able to use it, like the “i”phone, or that putting “e” in front of word makes it modern, like “e”mail and “e”vacuum cleaner.

“I” would definitely be one of those people. And so it is with this attitude that I drove my “e”car down to the “wireless” music store and bought my first wireless instrument system. To be fair to the salesman, he first attempted to sell me a much more expensive system that probably actually worked. I gave him my “i”expression (hip and savvy and not in any way over 40) and demanded something cheaper.

He countered with the Nady DKW 8 GT DKW 8 HT Guitar and Microphone Wireless Package, which I had seen on the “wireless” internet. This came with a wireless instrument transmitter that you hook onto your belt and a receiver, and included a free wireless hand-held microphone and receiver. It even included a battery! All for about 80 bucks. To quote Eddie Murphy, “Waat a bahgin!”

My first clue came when I tried it out in my “bass”ment, and noticed a pretty profound drop in volume even a foot away from the receiver. But, I figured, I could compensate by raising the volume. Not ideal (I had hoped to be able to match the corded (non-“wireless”…wired?) volume for the purpose of sound mixing, but whatever.

I decided to try them out at my next gig, a Sheva Brachos. I thought the wireless mic would be perfect for it, as it could be passed around between the people saying the blessings.

Once the band was set up, we did some warm-up songs, mostly slow dinner music. The transmitter worked fine. My band mates watched in amazement, maybe a little envy, as I suddenly walked away from the group, moved out to the middle of the room, turned to face them and appraise the sound mix. They were even more bewildered when, instead of returning to the bandstand, I moved to the back of the room, approached the dessert table, and sliced a big piece of chocolate cake, put it on a plate, moseyed over to a table in front of the band and began to eat it with my right hand, all the time continuing to play the song with my left hand on the fret board. Fretting and fressing*, as it were.

(As an aside, there are really two problems with eating chocolate cake and playing bass simultaneously: First, you get crumbs on the bass. And second, it’s very easy to end up with frosting in your beard. Embarrassing, to say the least.)

Anyway, I found the newfound freedom to be very refreshing. For example, typically when someone comes up to make a speech, I am trapped up there with him because of the cable. This time, I slowly edged myself off to the side and then slipped out of the room with my bass still on me.

The speakers were happy to have the wireless mic—at first. By about the third or fourth speaker (hey, this was a Jewish event) it started cutting out frequently, and by the time The Rabbi got the mic it was practically useless. This despite a change of battery (both new). They went back to using a wired mic. I never even got to try it for singing with a full band.

Nevertheless, I did enjoy being able to pluck a few notes on the bass out in the hallway, to the amusement of all the other low-lifes who skipped out on The Rabbi’s speech and to the dismay of The Rabbi, who was still trying to speak as my bass amp spewed forth random blurts of D-flat behind him.

Finally, it was time for the big dance set. I moved into position next to the guitar player, the better to see the charts, but prepared to make a quick dash out to the center circle, to be adored by the dancing celebrants, who would no doubt be delighted to see the guy with the big guitar in their midst.

The sax player called the first tune, gave a quick count, and then—

Nnnnnoooooottttthhhhhhiiiinnnngggg.

My bass made a few crackling sounds, then quit. The band took off like a bunch of horses at the starting gate, and I was left behind playing air guitar. The thing was totally dead. I got maybe 20 minutes out of it on a fresh battery.

I made a quick switcheroo and was back to wirefull bass for the remainder of the gig.

Back to the store with this one.

*© 2008 Ralphie

Screening Calls

2008-02-25T13:50:00.002-06:00

Ring, ring....

The PT: (breathing)

Fudge: Hello? Is anyone there?

The PT: Um, hello? Don't you hear me breathing?

Fudge: Oh man...The PT, it's--

The PT: I know who it is! You think I don't know what you sound like?

Fudge: Um--

The PT: Can I put you on speakerphone?

Fudge: What the--

The PT: This phone is KILLING my shoulder. I'm putting you on speakerphone.

Fudge: Well actually, I wanted to talk to Mommy, is she around?

The PT: What? I can't hear you. I'm putting you on speakerphone.

Fudge: No, The PT, don't--

The PT: (click).

Ring, ring.

The PT: Hello?

Fudge: Hi, The PT, can I talk to Mommy?

The PT: Not anymore. She just left the room, and I am doing kriah. Wanna listen? Cha....cha...er....chaer...

Radio Unit

2008-02-21T09:12:00.004-06:00

I’m strongly considering getting a wireless transmitter unit for my bass. Not because I want to jump off the drum kit (hey, I can do that now), but because there are times when I need to get a feel for how the band sounds out in the audience and I can’t do that when I’m tethered by a 20 foot cable to my amp.

Frequently, I’m the sound man for the band, which means I adjust the volumes and individual levels, and I normally can’t listen to the bass when I do that, so I add it in later and hope for the best (and watch the old ladies cover their ears).

Even when I’m not doing sound, I find myself the target of volume offense accusations:

“We’re too loud because of YOU!!”

“Wuat? I can barely hear my bass!”

“No, man, you can’t tell when you’re right in front of it. You need to hear it from OUT THERE (points to back of room, not outer space)!!”

Plus I guess it would be, y’know, cool to get out into the crowd every once and while during a gig.

So if you are a bass player and you have any experience or suggestions for particular units, pipe in.

Indian Name v2.0

2008-02-13T12:15:00.001-06:00

First take a look at this post.

Recall that I could not pronounce the name I received.

Now experience, through the marvels of technology, and the kindness of Wickwire, Xw’dob’obz’buddahlth.

Ask PT

2008-02-11T12:55:00.001-06:00

Today we will inaugurate a new feature at Psycho Toddler called Ask PT. You ask the questions, and I will attempt to answer them. Just email me through my profile.

I'll start us off with the first one:

Dear PT,

Do you think it is a good idea to snap pictures of funny license plates with your cell phone while you are driving in bumper to bumper traffic in bad weather?

Your friend,

TZ

Look Tizzy, since you are very obviously not me, I will favor you with a reply. NO. I think it is a VERY bad idea to surreptitiously attempt to photograph other drivers on the road, especially when you are the one behind the wheel.

I could think of a lot of reasons, many of them having to do with the dangers of fiddling with gadgets while you are trying to control a 1.5 ton vehicle in close proximity to other similar or larger sized vehicles.

But the main reason is that you never know when the person you are filming suddenly decides to follow you to your destination and demand to know why you are filming him.

But thanks for the picture!

New York Travelogue

2008-02-08T15:35:00.000-06:00

Planes, ~~Trains~~, and Automobiles

Apparently, my ploy to use Fudge as our family’s Bad Travel Karma Magnet is working, since my flight with Moe to La Guardia went without a hitch. We took off on time, landed on time, and even got our luggage. And we had a magnificent view of Manhattan as we circled around from the north for a southern runway approach. We waited approximately 30 seconds on the curb before the Enterprise Shuttle (I believe it was the Galileo 7) picked us up, and we even got our car upgraded to a Chrysler 300.

Suh-weet!

There Goes the Neighborhood

The first thing I noticed as I pulled up to my mother’s house was the monstrosity being erected next door. I guess I’m not very observant, but my mother tells me that for the 20 or so years that I lived with her in that house, and then for another 20 after I left, she had the same neighbor. I’m not sure how it is that I never realized it was the same person all those years, other than maybe it having something to do with the fact that I can recall only a handful of conversations with her. I have a few snippets here and there. I remember her son and how he had a Pontiac Bonneville. I remember the ambulance coming when her husband died. I remember a new car suddenly appearing in her driveway when, presumably, she remarried. I remember going over there one day when I was a teenager, when she wasn’t feeling well. I remember suddenly seeing her son again on the porch, after 30 years, when she was dying of pancreatic cancer, and of having my 2nd or third conversation with him, the first as an adult.

And since then, she has passed on, the house has been sold, and has gone the way of most of the houses which get sold in my mother’s neighborhood. It was torn down, to be replaced by some gargantuan edifice extending to the sidewalk, obliterating the lawn. Call me old-fashioned, but I always thought that a house that goes up in a neighborhood should look at least a little like the surrounding houses, so that it looks like it belongs there. Fudge would remind me later on that, looking around the block, it’s not so out-of-place anymore.

What really bothers my mom is that the workers show up every morning at 6:30 and start making a racket. She was very happy when I pulled my 300 up in front of her house.

“Good! Now those jerks won’t be able to park there!”

Suburban Legends

After some reheated Benjy’s Pizza, we had an appointment to visit Boba.

From left to right: My mother, Moe, Fudge, Cousin Meyer, Cousin Rosie, and Boba, in Boba’s parlor, where she greets visiting dignitaries and Internet celebrities. Note that in my family we follow the convention of pre-pending the title to the relative’s name, e.g. Uncle Fester or Cousin It. This does not apply to Boba, however, because that is not her real name. She acquired that name from me, as apparently, much like Adam, all creatures in our family were paraded before me as a child to name (see Moish), and I was unable to pronounce “Aunt Paula” and so anointed her “Boba,” and it stuck.

We take that in our family as Urban Legend, or maybe Suburban Legend, much like the famed story of “Moishe's Fish Has Feathers,” or the one about how I use to call soda “clumsy” because whenever Cousin Yossi poured soda, he spilled it, causing Boba to yell “CLUMSY!!” Or the story of how apparently I borrowed money from my sister when I was twelve and never paid it back.

“Your sister was like a bank!” Boba exclaimed. “She ALWAYS had money. You,” a dismissive flip of the wrist towards me, “gornisht!”

“Yes, that’s true,” said my mother. “You were always borrowing money from her. And then when she went to collect, you asked for an I.O.U., and she didn’t have one, because you wouldn’t give it to her, so you never paid her.”

“I have no memory of this.”

“Markie! You are losing your mind!”

The Restaurant

Mom: How do you like that! You (gesturing at my sister and brother-in-law) finally get a night away from your kids, and what happens? They sit you at a table next to a bunch of screaming children!

Fudge (mortified): It’s OK, grandma, they really aren’t making much noise.

Mom: (yelling over the shrieking baby) Ha! If your aunt and uncle wanted to eat with a bunch of vilde chayos they could have stayed home!

Sister: Thanks.

Me: I don’t really care. As long as they’re someone else’s kids, they can make noise. It only bothers me when it’s my own kids.

Mom: Your kids! Your kids would never make noise!

Moe: SNORT

Me: Well, not everyone can get a baby sitter. I don’t mind. It’s heimish.

Moe: Heimish, eh? I have to remember to use that word more.

Mom: (to my sister) So, you remember when your brother used to borrow money from you?

Sister: No.

Brother-in-Law: What?

Me: Mommy seems to be under the impression that I borrowed money from your wife.

BIL: When?

Me: Like around 1978. Do you remember this?

Sister: No.

BIL: How much money?

Mom: I don’t know. Five dollars.

Sister: I don’t remember this.

Me: Neither do I.

BIL: Five dollars! In 1978! Did you ever pay it back?

Me: How should I know? I don’t even remember borrowing it.

Mom: He never paid her back. He told her “the Torah says you should be happy with your lot.”

Fudge and Moe: WUAT??

Me: That doesn’t sound like something I’d say…

BIL: Five dollars in 1978? Do you know how much that would be worth today??

Mom: I don’t know. Probably ten dollars.

On the Lasting Impression I left at YU

Monday we drove up to Washington Heights for Moe's interview. During the 5 hours he was doing his thing, I was studiously attempting not to be a helicopter parent. So basically I had...nothing...to do...for several hours. A situation I rarely find myself in these days.

Fortunately, I was able to call on my old college buddy and former roommate to rescue me by doing what we did 20 years ago. Hang around campus ~~making fun of people~~ discussing politics and philosophy.

Here you see us enjoying a meal, or at least maybe waiting for a meal to enjoy, at the place that is not Chopsie's Pizza. After that we went to the library to steal some internet time, and I had my second encounter with the security guard.

The first one was when she eyed me suspiciously as I went through the metal detector. I quickly volunteered that I was a visitor, but an alumnus as well. The latter impressed her not in the least, as she firmly requested some form of photo ID, then begrudgingly allowed me access to the inner sanctum of the backwards building.

This second time, she saw my friend, and said, "You were a student here." We were both taken aback. "I recognize you. You can pass." And just like Brave Sir Lancelot in The Holy Grail, he was waived off to the other side.

It was then I came to realize what little lasting impression my seven years at the uptown campus had left. My ego severely deflated, I spent the rest of the afternoon noticing how unnoticed I was. It seemed that there was no one there who recognized me.

UNTIL!

"Excuse me! Hey! Excuse me!"

"Yes?" I replied, as my ex-roommate and I searched for the remains of Heshie's and tried to figure out how Grandma's had morphed from Cookies to Pizza, or even how it was possible for there to be so many Pizza shops on one block.

"I think I recognize you!"

"YOU DO!!!"

"Yes! You're the Psychotoddler!"

Er, thanks for totally freaking out my friend, Brad. I guess I should be happy for what little notoriety I can get.

On the Best Freakin' Chinese Food I've Had Since The Last Time I Ate at Estihana

It was totally worth the 30 minutes I spent circling the block looking for parking.

Snow Day

2008-02-06T21:46:00.000-06:00

Well, this is the BIG ONE. The one they'll be talking about for years. "Remember the blizzard of '08?" "Yeah, we got two feet of snow!"

I had to take the day off. I couldn't get to work. Here are some sequential pictures:

11:30 am:

12:30 pm:

6:30 pm:

7:30 pm:

Now you see it:

Now you don't!

I felt pretty bad staying home. It's like I was playing hooky. Well, it didn't matter. The clinic closed anyway and virtually every other business in town shut down too. The kids were home. There were innumerable accidents and at least one fatality by tractor trailer on the highway not far from where I work.

I actually got some stuff done today, aside from shoveling and making hamburgers for dinner. I bought a new bass preamp/direct box/pedal at the suggestion of an excellent Chicago Bass Player and I can't believe how much better I sound/perform with it. I played for 3 hours today, mostly going over Aaron Razel's material for an upcoming show on 2/17.

That is, assuming I'm not buried alive here.

Siddur Party

2008-02-04T10:44:00.000-06:00

The Cat in the Cast

2008-01-31T20:42:00.000-06:00

For complete details, see here.

Don't worry, The PT is doing fine. She's taking it all in stride.

What really bothers me is the impact this injury will have on her book writing career. As you may or may not know, since The PT learned to write, she has been spitting out novels faster than Danielle Steele on caffeine.

You can read some samples here or here.

But I'm worried that, now that her writing hand is out of commission, she will stop writing. Hopefully we can get her to continue with her left hand or at least do her best with the right.

In the meantime, enjoy one of her classics, Nuthing Lik A Famule, which has been adapted into a major motion picture production!

It's Not You; It's Me

2008-01-31T15:42:00.000-06:00

BUZZZZ

Dang pager again!

"Hello? This is Dr. S. Did you page me? Fine I'll wait." I just love it when they page me but don't come to the phone when I call back. Well this is just a huge waste of time that I don't have right now--"Yes? What do you mean nobody paged me? My pager just vibrated! Do you think I'm calling because I have nothing better to do? Wuat? You called yesterday? I know that! I called you back yesterday! But you just paged me again! Yes, I'm sure! Look, here's the time on the...pager...right...here...and it says...yesterday...that's weird...never mind."

That was odd. I'd better get going here. Now I'm getting behind schedule. Let's see...patient in this room over here...

"Hi, sorry to keep you waiting here. I just...got paged...by the...hospital...er, anyway, how are you toda--" buzzzzzzzzzz "--now what! I'm sorry, I think that's my phone. Let me just turn it off before my embarrassing ringtone starts playing...and...hmm...that's interesting...it's not buzzing any more."

Maybe I didn't get the call fast enough. Let me check the call log. Weird. no incoming calls today. That's it. I'm taking off my phone and my pager. I gotta focus on my patients here in the office.

"Anyway, sorry about that. There. We'll just put these on the desk here. So what brings you--" BUZZZZ! "WHAT THE CRAP!!" My belt is still vibrating! Even though I took off the phone and pager!

Is it possible I'm suffering from...PHANTOM PHONE SYNDROME??

Stealth Blogging

2008-01-28T10:24:00.000-06:00

I remember when a trip to New York was worth five or six long and detailed posts full of pictures and memorable quotes from Little Poland. Sigh. Now I guess we'll have to make due with hints about pictures and memorable quotes.

As I type this, I am stealing computer time in the Yeshiva University Library and at any minute a librarian could seize me by the ear and forcibly remove me from the computer. But I'm OK for the moment.

Wait--

Whew! That was a close one. I have to flip back and forth from a search of the library catalogue to my email page, blogger, and facebook. This is so Stalag 17! I feel the need to stuff dirt in my pants pocket. But I will resist the urge...for now.

So many things going on. By now you are wondering why I didn't tell any of you about this trip or herald it with a series of posts and requests for Blogger get-togethers. Well, the truth is I don't really have time to meet with any of you and I didn't want to insult you like I usually end up doing to my Polish relatives. So don't feel bad.

The only reason I have time now is that Moe or 30Cal or whatever the heck he is going by these days is off interviewing and touring for college here and I suddenly realized that they don't really want his father hanging around, so I made away with myself and my iPod to the library to do...whatever it is that I appear to be doing now.

I've heard that there is actually another blogger who haunts this joint and I'd look for him but I don't really know what he looks like. What I should really be looking for is a bathroom, but I'm afraid that if I get off this computer I won't be able to get back on. See the sacrifices I make for you PT readers!!

Don't worry, the trip has been very good so far and I may even have some pictures of some of your favorite celebrity blog relatives in the upcoming days. Meantime, I have arranged a play-date with my old college roommate for the next couple of hours so I must go.

Crap--here come the libraria

Chionophobia

2008-01-24T10:12:00.000-06:00

I get it, I get it.

I live in Wisconsin. It snows here.

I should be used to it.

But I have to confess, ever since I wrecked my car a few weeks ago, I have developed a kind of fear of snow. Maybe fear isn’t the right word. Dread might be better.

It doesn’t help that just a few days ago I got my car back from the shop, and it looks and feels as good as new. I’m just not sure I trust it anymore.

Last night, as I made my way home, it was snowin’ like a banshee, as they say around these parts. (What is a banshee, by the way, and do they precipitate?) I found myself crawling through the streets, unwilling to build up much momentum, for fear that I would lose control of the car if I had to break suddenly. In fact, on a few longer stretches of car-free roads, I did decide to break hard, and was dismayed to find that my anti-lock breaks engaged every time and caused the car to move forward a car-length or two longer than intended. Maybe this is just the way they are supposed to work. Maybe the Geo would have simply spun out. I don’t know. This is not a video game, and I can’t just press reset if I end up attached to a tree trunk.

And yet, with all the nastiness falling from the sky and the mess on the ground, I still saw folks sailing past me, obliviously chatting on their cell phones as they cruised along into almost certain catastrophe.

I'm not trying to turn into an old man here, but I have been humbled.

Enough with the snow, already!

The Pitch

2008-01-24T08:42:00.000-06:00

Blogging has been slow. Yes, I know. I'm busy. When I do find the muse, frequently I go through a two-step process. First I think, "wow this would make a great post," and then I counter with "...naaaaa..."

If an idea really does make it past step two, the challenge is to find the time to type it out before it leaves my brain. I suppose that I may have the chops to do some quality writing. But my life is such that whenever I do sit down to type, I get interrupted in about five minutes, and this cycle continues until I finally just give up and say, "well, this turning into a load of crap that makes no sense."

Speaking of which, it's much easier to find a few random bits to jot down in a sentence or two. For example, the title of this post.

I guess I could get into a long introduction about how, when I started this blog, I wanted to talk about my music, or at least give readers something that they didn't get from every other blog, like free original songs or movies or cartoons (still haven't gotten around to that). But I'll spare you that last sentence and just tell you that I was rummaging through my cassettes last night and found a very interesting batch of music that I'll share with you.

It was 20 years ago today, give or take, when Kabbalah had finished its second album and still had an excess of creative energies that needed spending. So we continued to work on new music.

The first two albums were self-published, but two of the band members were married by this time and couldn't afford to invest in another album. So my guitar player, Izzy, and I got together one evening with an acoustic guitar and a tape recorder and made a "pitch tape" of a bunch of songs that we then sent to a few Jewish Music Producers of the time.

We got some nice compliments, but lets just say that Jewish Rock wasn't exactly catching fire at that time. Many of these songs were never recorded. A few made it onto my solo album Rock of Sages, which, if you are steeped in the Psychotoddler Mythos, you know was really Kabbalah III in disguise.

Still, in listening back to these rough versions, I kinda like the whole campfire vibe of the recording.

Take a listen here, and feel free to download them (if you have an iPod or other MP3 player, you get a special photo surprise with each song).

YYZ Oy Vey

2008-01-17T11:09:00.000-06:00

If you ever want to feel bad about your musicianship, I suggest trying to play along with Geddy Lee on YYZ:

MAN am I out of shape!

Thanks to Computer Yid and Mike for putting this song in my head. Nu, when is the Rush Jam?

Marketing Genius

2008-01-06T09:57:00.000-06:00

The PT, six-year-old bestselling author of such works as Mokneel*, Rambo, UP UP and UWA!, Nop Nop Nop!, Nothig Lik a Famule, and Tha Wil Lrn-a-Lesun, has been stretching her creative energies into new fields.

Now she is getting into marketing. First, she came up with a concept for a new restaurant called "Sloppy Joe's" where you have to kill your own food.

"You want turkey? There he goes!"

Then she patented a super discount store called "Feetheads" where everything is free. It even has its own tag-line: "Free...for you..."

"The PT, do you mean to tell me that everything in the store is free?"

"Well, not everyfing. Only the things that people want."

Her latest marketing blitz is to open a store (in our living room) where she sells all of my things. But don't worry, she gives you bills which she has labeled "real money," with which to purchase these items.

The bills are free, naturally.

*the K is silent

Synchronicity, Part II

2008-01-04T09:45:00.000-06:00

It is perhaps bittersweet that, amongst the various traits, postive and negative, that I have imparted to my oldest daughter Fudge, she also seems to have inherited my mazel.

So it is small wonder that as I agonized all last Shabbos over the fate of my car, she was having similar issues of her own.

Read here, here and here.

And here.

Five Long Seconds

2008-01-02T13:13:00.000-06:00

I should probably start listening to my wife. She says a lot of things that I don’t really want to hear, but she’s usually right, doubly so if snow is involved.

Stress and nervous tension are now serious social problems in all parts of the Galaxy, and in order that this situation not in any way be exacerbated I will now reveal that I was not physically injured in any way. And now, on with our story.

Twice a week, I leave my cozy office and drive off for a consulting job in the Hinterlands. On one of these weekly commutes, I make it a point to call my mother and wish her a good Shabbos. My new car has this great Bluetooth feature that allows me to talk at the dashboard while it disconcertingly replies in my mother’s voice. The conversation usually revolves around complaints she has concerning either my daughter or my sisters, but this is a big improvement from when they were mostly complaints about me and how I never call her.

Last Friday, as we concluded our chat, I couldn’t help but notice that, as I sped down the highway, it was snowing heavily all around me and the other cars. Generally I’m not a big fan of talking on cell phones while driving, but this is about as safe a way as it’s going to get. To attune myself better to the road conditions, I switched off the iPod and turned on the AM radio to listen to the weather and traffic reports. As an aside, if you throw in sports, that amounts to the entire programming content of Milwaukee radio.

Despite the heavy, wet, and sloppy snow, there was little traffic around noon on Friday, maybe because most people were smart enough to stay off the roads. My wife, in one of those prescient moments, had advised me earlier in the morning that perhaps I should skip the afternoon session. “Nonsense!” I had declared. “This is Wisconsin! It snows here!” There was a sense of deja vu there.

Plus, I told her, this new car has all kinds of fancy-shmancy safety features, like traction control and antilock brakes. I would be perfectly safe on the road. After all, I’ve been a driver for 24 years and I’ve never caused an accident.

And so, concluding my weekly call, I continued down the highway to my destination. The radio, between commercials, informed me of the status of the “storm”, noting that the snow would cease falling some time after sunset. Scattered reports of accidents began to come in, but traffic remained light, although there was one now developing at or around my destination. I shifted my concentration entirely to the road, which, while becoming increasingly white, was still relatively open.

As the exit approached I saw no evidence of traffic. I took this as a sign that whatever mishap had occurred was now cleared. Jarringly, my dashboard rang, and I pressed the talk button on the steering wheel.

“Where are you?” It was my wife.

“I’m almost at the exit. I’ll be at work in 5 minutes.”

“So you went out there after all? I’ve been shoveling and shoveling! I thought you would come home instead.”

“Don’t be silly; the drive is fine.” Not to mention, this consulting job pays me by the hour, unlike the practice of medicine, which is a crap shoot at best.

“Well Shabbos is at four; don’t expect to be home in 15 minutes. Leave early.”

“I will. See you later.”

I pressed the “hang up” button and made my way through the exit ramp and to the first light. No sign of trouble. Good.

After the light there is a very wide street that needs crossing, and then a small hill, at the bottom of which is a left turn signal leading to a narrow road which winds through an industrial park. Twice a week I make it to that light uneventfully. Not this time.

As the light turned green I found myself behind a large truck that struggled to gain traction and make its way across the broad intersection. Gradually it built up speed and rose to the top of the hill. I followed slightly behind, it never being a good idea to brown-nose a truck going up a hill. We reached the summit and I saw the left turn lane, and signaled to move into it.

At the bottom of the hill I saw two SUVs waiting to make the left turn. There was about a half a block distance between the front end of my car as it entered the lane and the rear end of the second SUV. I was going not faster than 10 or 15 miles per hour at this point as I had followed the truck through the prior intersection.

This is where things happened. I applied the brakes. The brakes weren’t interested. I could hear and feel the antilock braking system engage. The car was not stopping. I found this to be mildly distressing. I watched as the gap, initially 4 or 5 car lengths, began to close with no sign of the car stopping. I had a few seconds in which to observe. The car was not traveling very fast at this point. But it continued to move forward. True to the ABS system, the car did not swerve, either. It just continued to plod forward.

Realizing that the ABS was engaged, I thought I should try something else. I took my foot briefly off of the brake and started to pump it lightly. Again I could feel the shuddering, grinding sensation of the antilock effect. I applied firm pressure. It seemed to make no difference.

I watched the rear end of the first SUV loom nearer. 3 car lengths. 2 car lengths. All this time I was thinking, “it’s going to stop. It HAS to stop. It’s going to stop…now.”

It didn’t stop.

A fraction of a second before the impact I recall thinking, “I can’t believe it’s not stopping.” Followed very quickly by, “hmm…maybe I should have switched lanes—too late!”

Like stock footage from a crash-test, I watched in slow motion as the front end of my car crumpled forwards, and then my hood tented up and began to approach the windshield.

And then—it was over. No glass breaking. No horn blaring. No airbag deployment. No screams of horror. No sirens. Just me sitting there thinking, “Damn it! Why didn’t it stop!”

I watched in a kind of stupor as drivers started to emerge from the SUVs, first the one in front of me, and then the one in front of her, and I realized that the impact had been enough to drive the first SUV into the second.

Eventually I got out and after profuse apologies and a sincere sense of appreciation that no one was actually hurt, we moved our vehicles out of traffic and into the first parking lot in the industrial park, where I waited for several hours for a tow truck while my car became progressively buried in snow and my cell phone battery slowly drained.

All of this was, as my mother would say, “nerve-racking,” as I sat in the lobby of the building and wondered how long it would take AAA to send a tow truck on a day when there were 30 or more snow-related accidents and the driving was slowly worsening. And if they would agree to take me all the way back to the body shop near me. And if my cell phone would finally die before it came. And if I’d end up looking for a motel to spend Shabbos in the middle of Yenemsvelt. And how long it would take to get my car back. And what the cost would be. And what I was supposed to drive during this time.

So we spoke to the police, and I called my insurance agent, and several towing companies until one finally did come, and even fielded a few surrealistic calls from the hospital, and eventually the other two SUVs drove off (they didn’t look damaged to me) and left my beautiful new car sitting in this parking lot looking like a boxer who had taken a really nasty blow to the nose. A snow-covered boxer.

As the tow-truck made its way back over the hill with me in the cab and my car out back, I noticed a news camera set up on the corner next to the highway entrance filming the intersection. I was not relieved to find out that there had been 5 other accidents there on that day.

And with all this I made it to shul the next day and said a blessing for delivering me from harm. I began to get increasingly angry about the whole affair. It still seems to me that the car should have stopped. I didn’t feel it skid at all. I suspect that, had I been driving a car like my old Geo, which does not have antilock brakes, that I would not have hit that SUV. Maybe I’m going through a little denial. Maybe I’m upset that my video-game enhanced reflexes did not allow me to escape the collision. I wish that I could have just backed up those five seconds and had a re-do.

So I’m back in the Geo again, thankful that we decided to keep it around for the kids to drive. They are no doubt upset that it won’t be available for their use during the forthcoming school vacation. Maybe, as my mother-in-law (who picked me up from the body shop 20 minutes before Shabbos) said, “it’s bashert.”

The Geo isn’t what it used to be. It’s noisy now, and it shudders, vibrates, and groans as it makes its way along the snow and ice covered streets. It sounds like an old man with emphysema and a bad cough. Maybe it’s better if the kids don’t drive it too much.

As I write this, it is now five days since the accident and I still haven’t gotten an estimate from the body shop. Were it not for the intervening Holiday, I would have taken this as a bad sign. I’m hoping that the damage isn’t as bad as it looks, new cars being made to crumple to absorb impact and yada yada yada. And I am truly grateful that I emerged from this completely uninjured.

I just wonder if maybe G-d doesn’t want me to have a new car. Six months old and this is its second stay in the body shop. Well, Geo still loves me.

I should probably start listening to my wife.

Circulars

2007-12-30T15:12:00.001-06:00

Remember when the Sunday Circulars used to be filled with products that were actually on sale? And by sale I mean "less money than full price." What exactly is the point of printing up a 40 page ad full of items that have been available for months and are still at their most expensive price? You're not fooling anyone!

TKO

2007-12-26T12:28:00.001-06:00

I got my haircut.

Update:

Before:

After:

My Kingdom for a Fish Stick!

2007-12-21T15:11:00.000-06:00

Robert Avrech’s post about his wife Karen’s Free Lunch at Yeshiva of Flatbush, coupled with my recent obsession with finding old elementary school mates on Facebook, just kicked up an old memory.

Halfway through first grade, my mother finally took me to an allergy specialist in Manhattan who determined, after several long hours of poking, prodding and scratching which would probably have been a violation of the Geneva Convention, that my incessant coughing, sniffling and eye rubbing was due to me being allergic to…EVERYTHING.

EVERYTHING! Cats! Dogs! Mice! Trees! Grass! Dirt! Flowers! The entire month of May! And just about every food imaginable. And so, armed with this invaluable bit of diagnostic determination, she sent me back to school one day with a note laying out to the teacher exactly what, and more importantly, what NOT, I was allowed to eat at the school lunches.

Now, for the last 13 years, my wife and my kids (and rarely, me) have packed up sandwiches, juice boxes, cut-up apples, yogurts, and snacks, and zipped them into little lunch boxes and launched our little ones off to school where they would suffer through “cold lunches,” not knowing any better. Not so where I went to school. In Yeshiva Dov Revel, EVERY day was a hot lunch day. We lined up to have our trays loaded with noodles, potatoes, veggies, fish sticks, and the occasional vegetable cutlets (I called them, in my usual charming little way, “cocklets,” for such they resembled). I’m sure there were many kids who didn’t like these lunches (and for them there was always peanut butter), but I relished them.

Until, of course, the day my mother sent that note with me. Now, the truth is, I did pretty well with most of it. I didn’t miss the peanut butter sandwiches. I lived well without the “cocklets”. I even deftly avoided chocolate in all of its forms, and my mother and my friends’ mothers were quick to accommodate me with vanilla treats instead (until the day I found out that Twinkies weren’t kosher, but that’s a tale for another time).

But once a week, my resolve was sorely challenged, and crumbled. Fried Flounder Day.

I don’t know what it was about that meal. You could smell it all the way up to the classrooms. The aroma would waft through your nostrils during the march down the stairs, and it would permeate you during the long line up at the doors to the cafeteria. And of course, when my turn at the counter came up, I would take a serving on my plate.

And then the teacher…she was a Sabra, that one…militant in her determination to carry out my mother’s orders, would remove them from my plate and send me to sit in my place down towards the middle of the table. Where I would sit and stew and stare down at what remained of the meal, usually mashed potatoes and some macaroni…and plot my next move.

Which, at the age of six, wasn’t all that sophisticated. It amounted to me shoving all of my potatoes on to my buddy Jonathan’s plate, and then him sliding his fish, which he hated, onto mine. And then, timing my move down to the nanosecond, waiting for the teacher to turn and greet a colleague, I’d duck down under the table and consume my contraband lunch on the floor.

And sniffle and cough my way through the rest of the day. But man, it was worth it.

Blogworthy

2007-12-14T08:28:00.000-06:00

I see the spaces stretching out between posts and I wonder if I should be blogging more often. I wonder if Psychotoddler has Jumped the Shark (answer: yes, probably around the time Cro Magnon Man appeared--the appearance of a pre-historic character is always a harbinger of Shark Jumping).

The truth is that there are a lot of things I'd love to blog about, but that Psycho Toddler has become a victim of its own success, and now I have to bite my tongue a bit more because the events or people I'd really like an outlet to blog about will probably end up reading what I write (and getting pissed off).

Then I think, maybe I should just write something just to keep up with it, but I get into the dilemma of trying to figure out just what is blogworthy. Sure, early on I could write about a drug chotchke or what I had for lunch and get away with it.

But now, if a week goes by between postings, is it really worth anyone's effort to read about the fact that I badly need a haircut (which would, to be fair, be the sum and total of the post)? Or that we ran out of Cheerios last week and I almost exploded? Or that my Griffin Tuneflex broke and I went through iPod withdrawal, but their tech support was awesome and they sent me a new one? Or that when the box for a new Webcam asserts that it can get "up to 30 frames per second", what it really means is "1 or 2." Or the fact that one of my patients gave me an itunes card and I used it for...The Best of Men at Work?

In Medicine we have this acronym "TKO" which refers to a token trickle of IV fluid used "To Keep Open" a vein so that the IV doesn't get clogged off even though you really don't have anything to put through it.

I'd hate to think this blog needs TKO posting.

The 2007 Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert

2007-12-10T08:42:00.000-06:00

Neil Kramer (Citizen of the Month) has done it again, uniting all of mankind and creating Peace on Earth and blah blah blah.

Go visit and stop by our booth and say hi!

Happy Channuka to all my Jewish friends!

Upcoming Gigs

2007-12-03T13:16:00.000-06:00

Here are a few chances to catch me playing live in the weeks to come:

December 8: Channukah Party at Beth Jehuda in Milwaukee with Milwaukee Simcha Band!

Notice how we took the poll results to heart and chose a name that wasn't even one of the choices! Actually we are still in a state of existential angst and can't decide on a name that we all don't hate. In fact, the word "Band" got tacked on to the end of the name by the person who made the flyer, over the very strong objections of our mandolin player.

Anywhoo, if you're in Milwaukee, drop by after Shabbos. I think it's like $5 a person. I really don't know who is playing or what we will be playing. How's that for publicity?

December 9: Shock Rock with Etan G and featuring the guitar and bass of Mendel and Me, heart of the ~~lion~~ Moshe Skier Band.

At the AYSH Synagogue in Northbrook IL, 4PM. Check out the website for tickets and information.

December 29: Young Israel of West Rogers Park Melaveh Malkah featuring The Midwest's Loudest Jewish Rock Band, The Moshe Skier Band. Probably. 9pm. A great venue for a ~~great~~ pretty good band.

And Stop Calling me Hellmut

2007-11-29T08:39:00.000-06:00

Hello, Hellmut

I've been searching for a man of my dreams, of my desire and I indeed hope that you are that person, and I have somehow fallen hopelessly and undeniably, though virtually in love with you. To be honest, I never thought I would ever utter those words, but now, they come forth effortlessly and with great sincerity. I'll be forever grateful to you if you show me just how shallow my life was. At last, I have a chance to give it depth and purpose.

It would probably be better to tell you this during meeting in person, eyes to eyes, but I knew that the proper words would escape me. I wrote you this letter instead. Please answer me http://www.********* after you read it, and we'll communicate.

Until I hear from you, I remain totally yours in thought and spirit.
Looking forward to hear from you

Juliana P

Dear Juliana P,

I'm really flattered that you feel this way about me. But I think it would be a really bad idea if we met. You see, my wife works out four nights a week, and if she caught me "eyes to eyes" with you she'd probably break my neck.

Not to mention that this is really not a great time for me to go to the Ukraine.

Thanks for thinking of me!

Your pal,

Not Hellmut

I Now Possess the Phylactery of Litheness!

2007-11-28T15:08:00.000-06:00

Some of you may think I'm just wasting time when I play Video Games. But after a fairly involved quest in Oblivion, I was rewarded with the Phylactery of Litheness!

I now have a permanent 5 point boost in my speed! Which means I can finish Shmoneh Esrei that much quicker than before!

Hmm

Er...

Never mind...

Battle of the Bands Draws Large Crowd on Beren Campus - Arts and Culture

2007-11-27T10:14:00.000-06:00

Battle of the Bands Draws Large Crowd on Beren Campus - Arts and Culture

Great review by Fudge.

K'Shoshana

2007-11-20T08:48:00.000-06:00

The J-Blogosphere has two kinds of people. ~~Those who divide the J-Blogosphere into two kinds of people, and those who don’t~~ those who complain about things, and those who do something about them. MOChassid, as I have discovered, is both.

It was this incessant complaining that first drew my attention to the Blogosphere. While Googling for reviews of my band, I became aware of an ongoing kvetchfest between MOChassid and another Blogger named Velvel regarding the sad state of Jewish Music and their particular disdain for a genre that MO termed “Shiny Shoe Music.” I found myself agreeing with many of his points, although I suspect that there are more than a few of my own projects that would earn a place on his "hit" list.

But MO wasn’t content to just hock a chinek. He decided to do something about it, first through a series of concerts at his shul, Aish Kodesh, featuring the types of performers whom he felt represented the direction Jewish Music should be going, and then through the release last year of his first album, U'Shmuel B'korei Sh'mo.

With the release of his second album, K’Shoshana, MO is proving himself a force to be reckoned with in the Jewish Music industry. I’d plug this album for no other reason than to support a fellow blogger in his attempts to bring integrity and soul back into an industry that seems derailed by shmaltzy/cheesy/glitzy/computer-processed/homogenized/70’s Cop Show/disco/boy-band blandness.

But it helps that this happens to be a really good album, featuring two of my favorite people in the world, Aron Razel and Shlomo Katz (I’m not dissing Chaim Dovid; I’ve never had the privilege to play with him). Razel’s arrangements of 10 of Reb Shlomo Carlebach’s previously unreleased songs are clean and pleasing to the ears, and although Razel’s usual ingenuity is somewhat subdued to avoid overshadowing Carlebach’s material, it is still eminently present. Also present is the spirit of the late Reb Shlomo, A”H, whose legacy has been passed on to these three great performers. Katz, Razel, and Dovid each have quite different vocal styles, and yet they complement each other well through harmony and performance.

This album comes highly recommended and makes a great Channuka gift. In fact, I think I’m going to buy a copy for my own Rebbe, as this may be that one elusive album that the both of us can enjoy.

And don’t forget that my own Rock of Sages makes a great gift for that special, hard to please music lover.

Band Naming Poll ---->

2007-11-15T13:19:00.000-06:00

OK, OK.

Enough already.

Seriously.

I want to thank all of you for all the wonderful and goofy names you volunteered. Some were really hilarious.

However, the boys and I need to pick one that is likely to get us gigs. Maybe even some paying gigs. And although I guess technically we could use different names for different types of jobs(i.e. goofy and irreverent for college shows or cafes, and stiff and formal for weddings), we're trying to keep it to one name for the sake of sanity.

I don't know that there's one name that really fits for what we do, though. We play some klezmer, but we're not really a klezmer band. And sometimes we're just a few guys on acoustic instruments and other times we're a big band with drums and amps.

So we're going to open it up for voting. The voting is absolutely non-binding. This is just for fun.

My personal favorite was West Side Shtreimel, but it was not a big hit with the boys, so we'll scrap that for the more conservative West Side Simcha. It still has that play on West Side Story going for it.

Milwaukee Klezmer Works, although it sounds like a sewage company, has that industrial revolution/garment district vibe that seems to work for klezmer so we'll leave that in. Although as I said, we do a lot of non-klez material as well.

Finally, to pay our respects to Old Goldie (and because we apparently already ran an ad under this name), I'm leaving in Goldie's Klezmer Band. No, we're not a Girl Group.

As much as I like Fakaktemus, I think it would be better used for a quirky side project (which makes no money).

Some of my favorites from your suggestions are The No Goodnicks, The Young Alter Kokers (still may use this for something), Kakamun (again with the feces), Klezmaniacs, Klezatzkah (fun to say!), Klezza Nostra (seriously, enough with the "Klezz"s), and a bunch more.

Shkoiach to all of you! Maybe some of you should form bands!

Now go to the sidebar over there ------>
Vote early, and vote often!

Book Review: The Hebrew Kid and the Apache Maiden

2007-11-14T08:35:00.000-06:00

I don’t like Juvenile Books.

There, I’ve said it.

If a book is a certain width, height and thickness, if the type is of a certain size, if there are more than, oh, let’s say 20 titles in a series, my brain is automatically programmed to dismiss it as dumbed-down for a younger audience. My kids have over a hundred Animorphs books at home, and despite my obsession with Science Fiction and at times (let’s face it) outright desperation for reading material, I’ve never even considered reading a single page of any of them.

Call it a bad case of literary snobbery. It’s just my personal feeling that if a kid is old enough to read more sophisticated fare, he or she should read a real book. Books with training wheels just never made much sense to me.

I found this especially true for Juvenile Books aimed at Jewish kids. Aside from fulfilling all the above criteria, they also apparently have to pass through the strainer that removes all objectionable content, anything that might raise a kid’s eyes past the blinders, that might perchance introduce the child to some concept or idea that might somehow corrupt the young soul and send him or her reeling off the path. Literature by committee. Completely bland and uninteresting. Right?

Well, two things came along that changed my mind a little.

The first was Harry Potter. Yes, I know, Harry Potter’s last few books were tomes that would rival Merriam Webster, but the first book filled much of my criteria from paragraph three, and was even published by Scholastic. And yet, when the craze swept the nation, the world, and elsewhere, when even my wife was sitting on the couch reading this, I had to take a look. And I got sucked in like everyone else. Yes, the book was aimed at a younger demographic, and yes it was completely clear of sex and bad language and even the violence was relatively benign. But it was a piece of quality fiction. It was well written. The words flowed. The story was deep, the world richly developed.

I don’t look at the Harry Potter series as Juvenile Literature any more. I view it as Literature. Period. Accessible by kids, to be sure, but satisfying enough for a reader of any age.

So where is the Harry Potter of Jewish Juvenile Literature? Our Jewish book stores have racks and racks of books which have been sanitized by the religious establishment and seem to have been published mainly to reinforce what our little ones are taught in school, and maybe also to give them something to read lest they be tempted to reach for, gasp, secular Juvenile Books like Harry Potter or even…Animorphs.

Where is the J.K. Rowling of Jewish Literature?

Maybe it is Robert J. Avrech, a Hollywood Screenwriter who recently released his first book, “The Hebrew Kid and the Apache Maiden,” (Seraphic Press). Superficially, like Harry Potter, this book would appear to fulfill my criteria as mentioned above. Sitting on a shelf in your local Jewish book store, you might be tempted to pass it by. It’s the same size, weight, and smell as the other books surrounding it, and has as its cover a painting of a Jewish kid dressed like a cowboy with tzitzis flying in the wind. But you’d be making a mistake if you dismissed this as just another bit of religious fiction written by someone whose primary goal is to keep your kid in the shtetl.

Avrech is an adult writer who writes for real people in the real world. He has written a book that can stand up to any piece of secular fiction. It’s the story of Ariel, a soon-to-be Bar Mitzvah boy (named after the author’s own son who died tragically at a young age) who lives in the American Frontier in the years following the Civil War. Ariel’s family emigrated from Russia to escape anti-Semitism and constant pogroms. And what they find in the US…well, that’s for the reader to find out. It’s not necessarily what you think. Jews will face adversity wherever they go, and even in America, the most benevolent of the many places Jews have lived, there can be found great evil. But there is also great kindness, and Ariel and his family encounter many wonderful and surprising personalities, not the least of which is Lozen, the Apache Maiden.

The friendship Ariel and Lozen develop sheds much light on their two peoples, and by highlighting the differences he also backlights the similarities. This book is a Western, but it is not your parents’ Frisco Kid. Much as I love that old film, this story is not played for laughs. Avrech researched the period well, and through the reading of the book both young and old will learn a little something about what life was like in the Old West of the 1800’s.

Perhaps to make the book easier for the younger reader to absorb, the characters are familiar. The religiously impractical father. The overbearing-but-always-right mama. The older sister who just wants to fit in. The savage-but-noble Indian Chief. And Ariel…Ariel is our avatar. We observe through his eyes. We have to make the transition, as he does, from the Old World to the New.

So much changes for Ariel in his journey across the West. How does he hold on to who he is? Through the Torah. The traditions of the Torah, and the observance of Jewish Law keep Ariel and his family grounded through the entire unbelievable experience. Their stubborn persistence in sticking to their ways makes them pariahs to some, but paragons to others.

Jews can go everywhere, Avrech says. But they are never truly absorbed. Anti-Semitism follows them to the New World. But it is the adherence to Tradition that keeps them alive as a people. That is what our Torah is for. It is a lifeline that keeps us connected to our origins at Sinai, no matter how far our journeys take us, and no matter how strange our surroundings become.

Ariel laments with Lozen about the lack of a written language that will doom the Apache culture to gradually disappear. In the end, what Avrech tells us is that for the People of the Book, it is the book itself that brings us life.

What's wonderful about this book is that Avrech doesn't have to hit us over the head with this point. Read the story and it flows. And that is why this bit of Juvenile fiction is worth reading, at any age.

Fun With the SupportBot

2007-11-12T08:25:00.000-06:00

Ask RoxAnn

Have a Question? Asking RoxAnn is the quickest, easiest way to solve the most common technical issues.

>Click to Ask<

Welcome to Roxio Customer Care.

You said:

Easy Media Creator doesn't launch

Our answer is:
The new Roxio Easy Media Creator 10 gives you creative inspiration and all the tools you need to enhance your digital lifestyle. Create, share and enjoy your movies, memories and music as only you can. Visit the Overview Page for more information.

If you need technical help with Easy Media Creator, please ask me again and be as specific about the problem as you can.

You said:

Easy Media Creator 10 doesn't launch

Our answer is:

I see you have a question about Creator. Are you asking about:

1.Product information?

2.A technical question about Easy Media or CD Creator?

You said:

A technical question about Easy Media or CD Creator

Our answer is:
If you are having technical issues, please ask me again and be as specific about the problem as you can.

You said:

The program doesn't start

Our answer is:

I see you have a question about Roxio software.

Are you asking about:

1.Purchasing Roxio software?

2.A problem with Roxio software?

You said:

A problem with Roxio software

Our answer is:
If you are having a problem with Roxio software, please ask me again and be as specific about the problem as you can.

You said:

WHY doesn't Roxio Easy Media Creator 10 start?

Our answer is:

I see you have a question about Roxio.

Are you asking about:

1.More information about Roxio?

2.How to contact Roxio?

You said:

This program doesn't work at all

Our answer is:

I'm sorry I can't answer you at this time - please try rephrasing.

You said:

I hate you.

Our answer is:

Unfortunately, I still didn't understand you. If your question is of a technical nature, please state it as specifically as you can, being sure to include the product name and the version number.

You said:

I had cheerios for breakfast. What did you eat?

Our answer is:

I am designed to answer questions one sentence at a time, could you please try rephrasing?

You said:

Did you eat cheerios for breakfast?

Our answer is:

It seems you haven't been getting the answers you need. So, that I can connect you with the right solution, please click on the link below that is most closely related to the topic you are seeking help on:
1. Technical Support Questions
2. Customer Service Questions
3. Sales Questions

You said:

If a piece of software is installed on a computer, but it never works, was it really installed?

Our answer is:

The following steps will completely remove any Roxio and Sonic software from your computer. Remove any Roxio and Sonic programs from Add or Remove Programs or use the Windows Installer Clean Up Utility if you receive a certificate file error while trying to remove the Roxio program. (Directions below) Follow[...to see more, please view the page I have opened in your browser]

You said:

Now we're getting somewhere!

Name That Band!

2007-11-05T13:35:00.000-06:00

I've come up with a few good band names in my time. Most of them have been unusable. Truth be told, PsychoToddler was originally destined to be a band name. But I didn't have a band to go with it so I used it for a blog.

Anyway, you probably already know that I've been involved with many bands over the years, and that frequently I'm involved in a few bands at the same time. What can I say? I'm a musical swinger.

My main band, MSB, is a hardcore Jewish Rock band. But sometimes I want to be...what's the word...quiet. Not so ear-splittingly loud. And sometimes I just want to strum a guitar and sing to a couple of people in a room. Or some old folks at the Home. And sometimes I want to stretch a little musically and try something new.

So for the last year or so, I've hooked up with a couple of talented guys who go to my shul, and we've been doing acoustic performances. We do a couple of my original songs, a few Chassidic standards, some Carelbach, the occasional jazz standard, and most recently, with the addition of our talented clarinet player, some Klezmer.

Now we're at the stage where we're tired of being called, "the guys from the shul" or "Mark and Adam and Bryan" and we need a name. Here are a couple of ideas:

Goldie's Klezmer Band (named after Bryan's grandfather, Nathan Goldstein, a retired NYC Cop, nice but confusing)

49th Street Klezmer Band

West Side Shtreimel

Milwaukee Klezmer Works

Mark and Adam and Bryan

Bryan and Adam and Mark

Adam and...well you get the picture

The Guys from the Shul

The Not as Loud Orchestra

Fakaktamus (this is what my daughter used to call the Plecostemus)

Anyway, we're looking for ideas. Please help us! Leave your ideas in the comments. I can't guarantee that we'll use them, but I do guarantee that we will read and laugh at them.

To give you an idea what we sound like, here are a couple of videos from a Melaveh Malka last year at the Young Israel of West Roger's Park:

Radio Interview Podcast

2007-10-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

As promised, here are the podcasts from Sunday Morning's MaMaSh radio interview. I really hate my voice.

(Note: Frankenstein Edit: ~~I had some problems with the upload and the posts are out of order. Try to~~ listen to ~~1 then 2 then 3 for the best effect (click "Posts" to see the names of the podcasts). Also the commercials are in place, so if you like that sort of thing, enjoy. I am told~~ an edited version ~~is coming~~).

I'm thinking about doing periodic podcasts for PT related shenanigans, so you may want to subscribe if you have an iPod.

Subscribe Free for future posts Add this player to my Page

The Hebron Trip

2007-10-28T11:52:00.001-05:00

This coming week, Jews around the world will be reading from the Torah portion known as Chayei Sarah. I've always found it interesting what the Torah chooses to elaborate on and what it chooses to skip. It glosses completely over the origin and identity of Cain's wife, for example, while it devotes a large portion of the beginning of Chayei Sarah to describing Abraham's negotiation and purchase of the Me'arat Hamachpelah, the Cave of the Patriarchs, and the field in Hebron where it is located, from Efron the Hittite, as a burial site for his wife and family.

It is perhaps the earliest documented deed of sale for a parcel of land. And yet it seems incredible that, 3500 hundred years later, we are still arguing over who actually owns it. The cave, and the city of Hebron itself, home to the first kingdom of David, where he ruled before conquering Jerusalem, is one of the oldest and holiest pieces of Jewish land. And it is also a place that the world has decided must be free of Jews. Naturally, when we planned our trip to Israel over the summer, we decided that it is a place that our children must see.

We were very fortunate to get Jameel from the Muquata and David Bogner from Treppenwitz to be our guides.

Rather than get into a long and boring chronicle of the trip, I'm going to post some pictures and let them speak for themselves.

Driving through Hebron in David Bogner's car. He is dissecting the new Beatles Love CD as we drive past the rubble-strewn environs. Surreal does not begin to describe the moment.

The outside of the compound for the Me'arah. The Cave of the Patriarchs is neither a cave nor a tomb. Discuss.

Jameel and David Bogner approach the enclosure over the Mearah. Note, if you will, the stones used for the bottom half of the structure. These are identifiable by their size, their inset border, and the quality of their construction as Herodian Stone. This places the age of the structure at around the time of the Second Temple.

The stones of the upper half of the structure follow an undulating pattern which simulates waves when viewed from a distance. This same pattern was used in the construction of the Second Temple. Putting it all together, if the Romans had not sacked the Temple in 70 AD, it most likely would still be standing today and would look very much like this.

The entrance to the chamber that houses the Cenotaphs for Abraham and Sarah.

The Cenotaph, or false tomb, of Abraham. This confused me when I came here as a kid. This casket is NOT underground in a cave. But that's OK because Abraham isn't in it. Possibly this marks the geographic spot where the Patriarch is buried in the cave under the structure. Or maybe not.

While we were there, Jameel explained to us the history of the Me'arah and the city of Hebron, and relayed this fascinating story to us.

The very interesting chandelier which hangs over the cenotaph. I'm assuming the Arabs change the light bulbs because Jews aren't allowed in.

The smaller, side shul inside the enclosure. We managed to catch a Mincha prayer while we were there.

The larger main shul in the courtyard.

The ark where the Torah is kept in the larger area.

After the tour we were treated to an amazing meal courtesy of David and Zahava Bogner. Aside from Jameel and the seven bloggers I brought with me, we also met up with some old friends from Milwaukee, Safranit and her husband, who made aliyah a few years ago. From L-R: Jameel, Safranit, David, and me. Notice how Jameel and I are wearing the same outfit. I was truly mortified.

What series of vacation pictures would be complete without an obligatory pose from The PT, here joined by the "other" psychotoddler, son of Treppenwitz.

Below is a movie my son Larry took while we were there. In Jameel's defense, he does not normally sound like he's been inhaling helium. I edited the speed to mask his voice.

Radio Interview

2007-10-25T08:42:00.000-05:00

Well, it's time to set your alarm clocks.

I'm scheduled to be interviewed by David Gertler for his Music For Motzai Shabbat (MaMaSh) Radio Programme, this coming Saturday Night (or is it Sunday morning) at 3am-5am EST.

We'll be discussing my "music."

The show airs on WMCA 570 AM in the New York area, and streams from http://www.talklinecommunications.com/

If you're in Israel, you can catch the show live during waking hours!

What I'm Reading

2007-10-18T14:42:00.000-05:00

I decided to add the "Library Thing" widget to my sidebar, which I freely admit to pilfering from Jessica's blog. Every so often I've toyed with the idea of blogging about the book I'm currently reading in order to demonstrate how eclectically hip I am, and since this is one of those rare instances when I'm not in the midst of a Asimov/Harry Potter/Tom Clancy book I thought this would be the perfect occasion.

I'm in the middle of The Amazing Story of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon, and I have to confess that all I knew about him prior to reading this book was that his wife, Ayelet Waldman, got into some hot water a few years back for writing that she loved him more than their kids.

After spending some time with this book (which means little since I'm such a slow reader), I'm starting to develop an attachment to Chabon of my own. This is a great, great book. I don't really know what it is about, but it makes me feel proud. Proud to be an American, where anything is possible, where you can get off a boat with nothing in your pocket and build an empire, proud to be a Jew, Europe's purge of which led to the end of culture and enlightenment on that darkening continent, proud to have grown up as a scrawny New York kid who read and drew comic books.

This book seems to be about all of that, and maybe more. It's about the American Dream. And at this rate, I may actually finish it in less than six months!

What are you doing Tonight...

2007-10-18T12:51:00.000-05:00

...at 11pm EDT?

Go Pack

2007-10-15T07:57:00.000-05:00

I was on call this past weekend, and had the occasion to visit a nice elderly lady who was in the hospital suffering from, amongst other things, dementia, heart failure, urosepsis and generalized weakness. While she had just the day before complained about all of these maladies, on Sunday I walked in to her room, and when I asked her how she was doing, she barked: "GO PACK!"

For a brief moment I thought this meant that she was feeling so much better that she was ready to be discharged. That was before I noticed that she was sitting, propped up in her bed, wearing a green and gold sweatshirt, with a napkin tucked in at the collar, eating her pancakes with diabetic syrup and staring at the TV.

"De Packers are playin', an' I feel fine," she elaborated.

I never fail to underestimate the Green Bay Packers' therapeutic medical effects. It is a documented fact that Wisconsin Emergency Rooms are significantly less busy when they play, and become correspondingly overcrowded as soon as the game is over. Although I haven't found statistics yet on whether winning or losing makes a difference.

Which leads me to the interesting article which greeted me from the front page of today's paper, showing a crew of Orthodox Jews, led by local Chabad-guy Shais Taub, davening Shachris at a tailgate party at Lambeau Field.

You can read the whole thing here, but this paragraph really resonated with me (emphasis mine):

"What's the point?" Taub said. "Number one, Judaism is not relegated to the synagogue or the study hall. When you're a Jew, you're a Jew everywhere. If a group of Jews want to go to a Packer game, we do it like Jews."

"Number two, Jewish pride," he added. "Some Jews should see this and say, 'You know what, there is nothing to hide.' I can be openly and boldly Jewish and do that anywhere on earth and go where I want to go."

Go Taub!

Don't Call Me

2007-10-12T08:30:00.000-05:00

There are two reasons why you shouldn't call me:

1. I hate talking on the phone. Ask my mother.

2. Owing to the fact that she is now six and her chair is right below the kitchen wall phone, The PT has been answering all our phone calls.

Here's a sample of a few dinner time calls:

RIIIINNNNGGGG

The PT: (Jumps up on her chair and grabs the phone before anyone else can get to it)

The PT:

The PT:

The PT:

Abba: Say "hello"!

The PT: Erg....hewwo?

The PT:

The PT:

Abba: Who is it??

The PT: I don't know!

Mrs B: Hang up.

Abba: Wait--

Mrs B: Nobody's there.

The PT: (hangs up, sits down)

RIIIIINNNGGGG!!!

The PT:

The PT:

Abba: Say HELLO!!

The PT: Er....hewwo?

The PT:

Abba: Who is it?

The PT: Sounds wike a computer!

Mrs B: Hang up.

Abba: Maybe you should get on the phone.

Mrs B: Hang up, it's a computer.

The PT: (hangs up, sits down)

RIIINNNNNGGGG!!

The PT: Hewwo?

The PT: We're having hamburgers and fwench fwies and koowaide.

Abba (to Mrs B): It's your mother.

Mrs. B: Hang up.

The Top 10 Reasons Why I Haven't Been Blogging

2007-10-09T06:17:00.000-05:00

10. The Jewish Holidays

Do I really need to elaborate on this? Check the stats on your favorite J-Blogs and you'll see that Tishrei has not been kind to them. Add in the general trend of blogging around the work-week schedule and and it's small wonder that having half a week off, three weeks out of four, has played havoc with everyone's blogging.

In my case, also factor in the preparation for the holidays, the recovery from the holidays, and overall fatigue from getting up early for slichos and not being able to keep my eyes open much past 9 PM.

So I hope everyone had a healthy and a happy one, and now can we PLEASE return to normality??

9. Work

Being off for so many days means that I need to do that much more work the days that I'm in, which leads to totally packed clinics that start early, go through lunch, and end late. Blogging? What's that?

8. The kids have been home

Which is great and all but for many reasons it cuts down on my blogging. The primary issue is that they use all the computers, so my access to Blogger is quite limited at home. Unless I use the computer that our network lovingly designates as "abba", which, much like C-3P0 to Anakin Skywalker, is the little machine that I tinkered together in my days of youth and innocence, but whose relationship I now refuse to acknowledge, because it is obsolete and eccentric and has the annoying tendency to unceremoniously reboot itself while I'm in the middle of writing my most profound pos/////////////////////////////////////

DANG!! Where was I?! Man it's hard to keep a train of thought going through spontaneous reboots and ten minute restart cycles.

7. Facebook

Oh thank you Mr. Da Jew for inviting me to this enthralling internet experience known as facebook. Who thought up this thing? The Three Stooges? I spend hours a day logging on, getting poked, poking back, and getting poked again. And then people lob cows or pies or pirates at me and I'm supposed to be fascinated by this.

Look, I thought it was cool when fudge came home from college a few years back and showed me her facebook page and all her little friends from school who busily scribbled on her wall and joined clubs like "fudge's Mom is the most Awesomest" and stuff like that. Really, it's nice. And I kinda liked that it was restricted to college kids and that you were supposed to use your real name and that only people whom you really knew would have access to your profile.

But then they opened it up to everyone with an email address and now, correct me if I'm wrong, it's filled with middle-aged bloggers who use aliases (aliasi?) and have obscure Sesame Street characters as their screen icons while they cavort with the college girls. Ahem.

Anyway it seems a little creepy.

On the other hand, I did reconnect with an old college roommate who seems to know a lot of models.

6. The XBOX 360 is finally here!

Yes!! I pined and I pined! And I bought the washer and dryer! And then I got my kids to empty their little bank accounts and chip in on the beast! The 360 ROOLZ! Not that I have time to play it, what with all the blogging I'm supposed to be doing.

OK, there is this one game called Test Drive Unlimited, that's a cross between The Sims and Midnight Club, in which they model the entire island of Oahu and you get a virtual home and you buy cars and race them or just cruise around and enjoy the sights. And it's online so the other cars are sometimes real people from Sheboygan. And also you can shop for shoes. I'm serious!

5. My Musical Career

Haha just kidding. Actually I did play one gig over Sukkos and it was fun.

4. Heroes is back on TV

The best show on TV is back with all new episodes! And I have an HDTV in the basement! My wife and I are totally hooked on this, and I can exercise and spend quality time with her simultaneously. Besides Heroes, there's also Bionic Woman, which I'm having a hard time getting into, but as a child of the 70's I feel obligated to give it a chance. Plus it's by Battlestar Galactica producer David Eick, and Katee Sackhoff is in it, so there's potential. Maybe it'd be better if I watched from a Sleep Number bed. Purely by virtue of momentum, we've tried out Journeyman too, which seems to me like Quantum Leap minus Al.

3. Pinnacle Studio

I'll spare you all the technical details (because I know you won't read them), but my DVD authoring program, which I won't name (except to say that it's Roxio Easy Media Creator 7) suddenly decided to stop functioning, and no amount of defragging/uninstalling/reinstalling/patching would make it work again. And the only helpful advice I got from Roxio was "You can now purchase Easy Media Creator 10!" Uh, thanks, but no thanks. I'm not throwing good money after bad. So after some serious research (thank you, Google), I settled on Pinnacle's Studio software. Also the box looked pretty cool. And it comes with Green Screen. Literally. It comes with a big green screen. Like six by six. So you can eventually look forward to Youtube videos featuring the PT singing Ma Nishtana on the Moon while being stalked by a giant space cat.

Right now I'm focusing on transferring band performances to DVD (and going w i d e s c r e e n !) and putting together a compelling movie out of our 2 hours of Israel footage and some 800 odd pictures. Yeah, look for that real soon.

2. Blog fatigue

I think King Solomon said it best when he wrote, "there is nothing new under the Heavens...it is all futility." Was anyone else paying attention during the reading of Koheleth or is the theme of that thing, "life sucks, and then you die"?

Seriously, I think I've already said everything useful that I'm ever going to have to say, and anything else is pure nonsense. But hey, there's a market for that.

1. Self-censorship

Thank you, Anonymous Lurker, for coming up to me at that Bar Mitzvah the other night and DeLurking in front of my wife! She is now more convinced that ever that I give out too much personal information to total strangers on the internet and that we will one day come home to a completely different family stealing our identities, inhabiting our house, driving our cars, paying our kids' tuition, and writing our blogs. For all you know, I may already be an impostor.

Anyway, bottom line, more and more is becoming taboo. Sigh.

(Seriously, Anonymous Lurker, it was cool to meet you!)

Hey! Maybe I should make this into one of those...now what do they call them...oh! Memes! I guess I should...tag...some people...lessee...whom can I annoy...

I tag Ralphie, Stacey, and Mort the non-blogger!

YEAR IN REVIEW!!

2007-09-20T17:09:00.000-05:00

ROOOAAAARRRR!!!!

How it possible WHOLE YEAR go by and only two posts feature Cro Magnon Man?!

To make up, Psychotoddler allow Cro Magnon Man to do yearly post round-up. But not need to worry; Psychotoddler be back soon. Have only hairline skull fracture. Cro Magnon Man put up strong argument.

Hmm…now where to start?

Bizzarro

Cro Magnon Man know most of Psychotoddler readers come for weird, bizzarro posts featuring perplexingly obscure cast of fictional characters discussing everyday life situations with much humor. So Cro Magnon Man summarize these first:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

NOT SO FAST!! You think you pull fast one on Cro Magnon? You think just read funny ones then skip rest of post! Well Cro Magnon man may have brain size of walnut, but not get fooled by that trick! Cro Magnon move Bizzarro category to end!

Kids

Ugh. Cave children. Many of you think because blog named “Psycho Toddler” that it only about funny things his kids say. Cro Magnon read these stories. Stories just not that funny. Psychotoddler move many of them to other blog. Look there. Actually, not sure why need to come to this blog to read about Psychotoddler younglings, since all have own blogs already. Cro Magnon did find touching post about new fish family buy. Poignant tale of survival in PT household. Will fish live or fish die? Cro Magnon Man save you from suspense: Fish dead.

Blogging

Writing about blogging, Psychotoddler write about how blogging improve his public speaking skills. NOT. Some people have way with words. Others not have way. Psychotoddler also get all emotional when marking first yahrtzeit for father. Cro Magnon Man appreciate respect for ancestors. Also thank PT readers for supporting Psychotoddler through year of mourning.

Religion

Yawwwwwwn. Psychotoddler have religious angst again. What else new. Psychotoddler reach back to 2004 in desperate attempt to remain relevant. Not fooling anyone.

Shul

OK!! This where get interesting for Cro Magnon Man! Every time Psychotoddler write about shul, get VERY CRANKY!! They say Islam religion of peace. Not say that about Judaism! That for sure! Psychotoddler think fist-fight break out if he skip tachanun one more time! PT also get VERY ANNOYED at things other people do in shul. Cro Magnon have advice for PT: ROAR LOUD AND CARRY BIG CLUB!!

ARRRRR!!! Advice arrive TOO LATE!! Psychotoddler reign of terror OVER!! But, not too late to bring big club to shul. After all, it appear Psychotoddler turning into grumpy old man he so despised in youth. PT should know better. No escaping inner Cro Magnon Man.

On serious note, Cro Magnon think PT have good point regarding early minyan.

Car

And now something different. Psychotoddler write about car. Again. Why Psychotoddler not just get new car already? Cro Magnon know what problem is: Psychotoddler spoiled as child with too many toy cars.

Music

Oh, HERE big surprise: Psychotoddler write bunch of posts about his band! Did Cro Magnon say band? Meant bands. Post video of usual band playing big show that nobody show up to (especially like how camera man pan out to empty seats--nice shot!). Also post alternate acoustic act playing small intimate show that nobody show up to.

But that not all! PT contribute song to first online interdenominational interfaith intergalactic Holiday Special! Where Wookies when need them?

Psychotoddler explain to me (during brief lucid periods) that this blog started in part to give “inside look” into being in band. Heh. What exploding toilets have to do with that?? But not to digress, PT discuss interesting synchronicity between death of bass and death of patient. Cro Magnon think Psychotoddler reading too much Jung. Or listen to too much Police. Also tell of trials and tribulations involved with setting up home recording studio, and give free song. FREE SONG! It seem Psychotoddler not even able to GIVE songs away! Nobody listen! Maybe readers think something that cost nothing, worth nothing.

PT give us intriguing “inside look” at what go on at band practice. Note to Producer: Need MORE Triceratops Bell!

Finally Psychotoddler join atomic age and now last person on earth to buy iPod. Neanderthal Luddite.

Family Affairs

It a family afffairrr! It a family afffffaaaiirrr! What? Cro Magnon Man big fan of Sly and Family STONE. Psychotoddler write about how preparation for Bar Mitzvah of Curly leave him little time to write blog. GOOD! Enough crap on internet already! Unfortunately, after Bar Mitzvah, have more time to start blogging again. As punishment for readers remaining loyal, PT post pictures from his Bar Mitzvah and Wedding. Cro Magnon think PT look more refined with beard.

Mother of Psychotoddler think he losing his mind. Who Cro Magnon Man to argue?

Israel

Psychotoddler Clan go to Israel! Hilarity ensue! Hilarity ensue? Hellllloooo?? Hillllarity!! Where hilarity? Why it not ensue? Why only substantive Israel post about cemetery?? Then Psychotoddler write about crapmobile he forced to drive. Psychotoddler not have to travel to Israel to come up with that story. Cro Magnon Man hope hilarity coming soon. In mean time, PT post series of pictures only takeable in Israel.

Entertainment

And in World of Entertainment, Psychotoddler complain about new season of Battlestar Galactica, formerly best show on TV, now major shark-jumper. PT wonder why Movie Industry not able to offer truly family friendly cuts of popular films on DVDs when so many tracks devoted to Brontosaurus droppings. Psychotoddler begin and apparently soon abandon series of posts about DVDs he and kids watch while on exercise bike. Cro Magnon have the inside scoop: It because he watch nothing but crappy 90’s Sci Fi shows.

Cro Magnon Man have it on good authority that Psychotoddler like to tell people that he an architect. To prove point, he design computer game level based on own home, but filled with teleporting space cats, pig police, lizard men, alien egg pods and slime monsters with pointy teeth. Amazing how close to reality it is!

Bizzarro

ARRRRRR!!!!

OK!! Moment all wait for arrive! Patented Psychotoddler Bizzarro Posts!

First, PT attempt to market sheitels for men. Is it just Cro Magnon, or Psychotoddler obsessed with William Shatner? And Sheitels?

Do not disturb Psychotoddler when in Fortress of Solitude! Psychotoddler make some superhero, no? What his super power? Make toilet paper disappear?

Cro Magnon not sure if this post supposed to be about cars or about band. But demonstrate PT willing to go to “great lengths” for a gag. Like satellite imaging.

Psychotoddler fancy himself some kind of crimefighter in post about neighborhood patrol. Maybe if criminal need bathroom during perpetration of crime, PT get to use his toilet paper zapper and save day!

Everyone know Psychotoddler big nerd and not know first thing about football. Hey! PT! Ever hear of “write what know”?

FINALLY!!! ROOOOAAAR!!! Cro Magnon Man make appearance in Attack of Pod People! Really more of cameo. In truth, Cro Magnon hold out for more money, but get offered spin-off instead. However, even Cro Magnon at loss to describe what on Earth going through Psychotoddler head when writing this one.

Well, that about it for this year! Next time, PsychoBarbarian write round-up!

Radio Blog/Shmadio Blog

2007-09-18T09:09:00.000-05:00

Wow. Based on the amazingly underwhelming response to my latest poll, it appears that most of you don't listen to my Radio Blog. Only 22% of respondents reported that they do, but let's be honest, one of them was me so we need to drop that figure by a quarter.

I probably shouldn't feel that bad, since fully 50% answered "what's a radio blog" so it's clear that my traditional obscurity in the Jewish Music world remains intact. For the record, the Radio Blog is located on the side bar of this blog, if you scroll waaaaaaay down, past the pictures, the web ads, the archives, the recent comments, the awards, the blogroll and the site meter, and looks a little something like this:

You can click on a song and listen to it streaming through the computer, and if you click the "pop up" button it will open in a small window so you can navigate away from Psycho Toddler, although I don't know why anyone would ever want to do that.

From the tepid response, it is clear that I don't need to bother updating it or adding new songs.

Please go on with your business and continue to ignore my musical talents!

UPDATE:

Due to the successful kiss-up campaign, I uploaded 5 new songs to the Radio.Blog! See the comments for details!

My Village

2007-09-09T14:23:00.000-05:00

I know what you say. I hear you murmuring behind my back:

"Psychotoddler, you're always whining about your neighborhood. Why do you stay?"

Here's why.

The Jewish Reconnection Project, Episode 1

2007-09-05T18:05:00.000-05:00

This is actually a pretty interesting video that was sent to me. It touches on a lot of the issues I've addressed on this blog before: being identifiably Jewish; the place of the Jew in America; what it means to "represent"; inferiority feelings that many of us have as a minority, etc.

It's worth a few minutes to watch it. It will be interesting to see how the other episodes turn out.
(Note to Todd: I'm not Shifra!)

Coming Soon: Sheitel Searchs

2007-08-31T08:40:00.000-05:00

Mark my words: Your wife will soon be asked to remove her sheitel for airport security, or have it "patted down" for bombs and the like.

OK, OK, maybe I'm just a little sensitive about articles like this one on searching Turbans after The PT (age 6) was frisked on her way through Atlanta security recently.

Can we start screening more intellingently, please? Sikhs aren't blowing up airplanes! Neither are 6 year old girls and little old ladies from Miami! Muslims are!

My Great-Grandfather's Grave

2007-08-30T13:16:00.000-05:00

If I had to pick a theme for the family trip to Israel, it would be “connecting.” Connecting my kids with their cousins in Israel. Connecting our strangely out of place existence in the US with our roots in Israel. Connecting the stories of the Torah to the physical places where they occurred. Connecting our practice of Judaism with the land from which it sprang. Connecting the seemingly obscure laws of the Torah with the society for which they were written. Connecting the stream of Jewish continuity from our Forefathers through the Exile and finally to the place where we now reside.

For me there was an additional connection: Connecting with my own personal ancestry. I went to visit the grave of my great-grandfather, Abraham Silberberg. His story is recorded briefly here. But to summarize:

Abraham Silberberg is 3rd from right.

My mother’s paternal grandfather was a Polish Chussid who had the foresight to realize that bad things were coming for the Jews and immigrated to Palestine in 1938. He attempted to bring his children (there were 11) with him. But some of them refused to leave, thinking things would “blow over.” As we know, they did not. Almost all of his children were murdered by the Nazis, including my grandfather, Moses Silberberg, for whom I’m named. As my mother tells the tale, when he heard what had happened, he laid down and died.

His grave is in an ancient Jewish cemetery on the Mount of Olives, in what is now considered “Occupied Arab East Jerusalem.” Apparently, Jews have been occupying Palestinian land for at least a thousand years, because that’s how old some of those graves are.

My cousin and her charming husband were nice enough to agree to take me to the cemetery and show me the grave. We drove through the Old City to get there. If you’ve ever visited the Kotel (Wailing Wall), odds are that you’ve seen my great-grandfather’s grave, because it’s clearly visible from the approach to the plaza.

The cemetery itself is in a bit of disarray. New paths are being constructed, and there are multiple Burial Societies involved in its upkeep, and my impression is that they don’t cooperate that well with each other. We had to climb over walls and up slopes to get to where he was buried.

Many of the graves look new. This is partially because the cemetery is still in active use and new graves are being dug. It is also because the Jordanians overturned many of the graves during their occupation of the area between 1948 and 1967. My great-grandfather’s headstone was one of those that were rededicated after ‘67. How do we know where it was? First, because my Aunt Sara and her husband visited the grave before the Jordanians took over. And second, because the Chevra Kadisha (Burial Society) kept meticulous records going back hundreds of years.

On our way over we passed numerous graves that were still in a state of disrepair. My cousin told me that there were many that either could not be identified or that didn’t have family to rebuild them. In fact we passed one “mass grave” that was constructed from the headstones of multiple unidentifiable graves.

I was told that the Arabs had looted the cemetery, and that the marble headstones were used to make toilets.

The view from the cemetery was spectacular. In addition to sprawling panoramic views of the countryside, we had a clear view of the Old City and the Intercontinental Hotel, where the PLO held its first meeting in 1964, its goal to remove the Jews from its “occupied land.” Since this was three years before Israel acquired the West Bank and Gaza, one must conclude that the occupied land in question was the rest of Israel. In the distance you can also make out the wall that is being constructed to keep terrorists out.

After zigzagging our way through various plots and climbing up and down terraced levels, we made our way to the actual grave. As you can see from the photos, it looks fairly new.

Here’s a close up of the top:

Translating roughly:

Here is buried
The rabbi and chussid
Abraham son of Shmuel
Silberberg of blessed memory
From the town of Jaworzno
He was sheltered all his days
In the shadow of the righteous men of Kozmir
Passed on 11 Shevat 5701 (1941)
May his soul be bound up in eternal life

-- - --

This monument was newly rededicated
Tammuz 5729 (1969)
By his daughter Sara
And her husband Yehoshua Shlomo
Wachsman from New York

-- - --

In remembrance of the soul of his righteous wife
Mother of the family
Malkah daughter of Reb Sholom
Passed 19 Elul 5698 (1938)
???? in the town of Jaworzno

In the front, too, there is an engraving commemorating his many children, including my grandfather, who perished in the Holocaust and who have no graves of their own.

We said some Psalms, and I put a little stone on the marker, and did the same for my uncle’s next to it. In the distance we could hear a gunshot. Or maybe it was a car backfiring. Anyway, it was time to go.

It was a sobering experience. I was angry at the thought that the day may come when I can no longer visit my own ancestor’s grave. I was angered by what the Arabs had done to this cemetery, by the continued perpetuation by them and the media of the lie that this is not Jewish land. And about how few of our own people seem to understand or care.

As I turned to start the trek back to the car, I saw the sun setting over the Temple Mount. And I was struck by how close we were to the Old Temple, and yet still quite far.

Live Jewish Rock from Gershon Veroba

2007-08-29T08:32:00.000-05:00

Gershon has always had more talent than any one man deserves. The bum.

Great Article from Fudge

2007-08-27T15:20:00.000-05:00

My daughter Fudge managed to cobble this article together for the Observer while we were in Israel, even though she had to share the one computer with seven other people and even though it eventually exploded.

Talk about working under pressure! It's a good read, too. Reminds me why we need places like YU.

Where NOT to Buy your Succah

2007-08-27T10:47:00.000-05:00

I was actually planning to buy a new sukkah this year. Then I got my kids' tuition bills.

Anyway, if I were going to buy a new sukkah, I wouldn't but it from this guy:

The owner of the websites described below, www.succah.com and www.succah.safewebshop.com, is in violation of Jewish law, in that he has not given his wife a get, a Jewish divorce decree. He has failed to comply with an order issued by the Baltimore Bet Din (Jewish court). Until he gives his wife a get, she is not permitted to remarry under Jewish law.

Sam Rosenbloom has a seruv issued against him by the Baltimore Bet Din. A copy of the seruv can be viewed at www.getora.com/seiruvim.htm .

Mr. Rosenbloom owns and operates an on-line sukkah business at http://www.succah.com . We strongly recommend that no Jewish person buy from his website, that no synangogue grant him an aliyah or other religious honor or benefit, and that no Jewish family invite Mr. Rosenbloom into their home or otherwise provide him with Yom Tov or Shabbat hospitality.

Thanks to Queenie's Mom for pointing this out.

How Hot Was It?

2007-08-24T09:48:00.000-05:00

This hot:

An Explanation for my Avatar

2007-08-20T08:44:00.000-05:00

If you have the good fortune to chat with me on Yahoo or Gmail, you may be bewildered by my Avatar. Bewilder ye no more:

Thanks, A Simple Jew (and Alpaca too!)

The Need for Speed

2007-08-16T06:33:00.000-05:00

Say what you will about Israeli drivers: the fact remains that driving in Israel can be exhilarating. I'm not talking about the gridlocked streets of Jerusalem or Tel Aviv, although there is still some challenge to be found there. No, I'm talking about the narrow roads that wind their way up and down the mountain ranges of Northern Israel. The sudden changes in elevation, hairpin turns, blind corners, and soaring vistas seem tailor-made for the video game racing enthusiast.

That is, if you have the right car. Sadly, I did not. As Fudge pointed out, I was driving the roads of my dreams with the car of my nightmares. I shouldn't complain. We were lucky to have any vehicle. Mrs. B's aunt managed to procure one for us at the 11th hour from some Charedi rental agency in Tel Aviv. The price was exorbitant, but at least we got a minivan.

However, it was not what one would call, a performer. If the Kia Rio that I rented when my car was in the shop was powered by a lawnmower, the power plant of the Kia Carnival contained, in my opinion, a gerbil in need of a hip replacement. And it was a diesel, so it was loud and smelly too. I'm not sure how old it was. This picture to the right, which resembles it fairly closely, is a 1999 model, according to the Russian auto sales site from which I stole it. I think. I can't really read Russian.

As far as I can tell, it was not capable of accelerating. Any forward movement of the van was on the basis of either gravity or possibly wind. Certainly, it didn't seem interested in going forward when I depressed the gas pedal. This was particularly distressing in situations where rapid acceleration was desirable, say when attempting to enter one of Israel's many traffic circles, or trying to make a left turn onto a busy road. This is usually what you'd hear, if you were sitting in the car with us:

Mrs. B: OK, that guy passed, you can enter the traffic circle.

Me: OK.

Mrs. B: GO!

Me: I'm trying!

Mrs. B: Why aren't you moving?

Me: I don't know! I'm pressing the gas! Wait...are we starting to go forward a little?

Mrs. B: Hurry up! That truck is getting closer!

Me: I'm flooring it! Hey, OK, now we're starting to move a little!

Mrs. B: Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Me: It might. Crap that guy is going to hit us!

I can only daydream about what it would have been like to cruise those roads in a Lamborghini. Well, I guess there's always video games.