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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The Trouble With Teenagers




SCENE 47
INTERIOR ENTERPRISE OFFICER’S MESS

(swish)

ENTER KIRK AND SPOCK

KIRK: Computer, leftover tray from last night’s salmon and spaghetti.
COMPUTER: Working.
KIRK: (REMOVING TRAY FROM REFRIGERATOR)

KIRK: My grilled salmon, and leftover spaghetti. This is my grilled salmon, and leftover spaghetti.
SPOCK: Fascinating. It would appear that one of the teenagers has opened your lunch tray and eaten your leftover spaghetti, then replaced the tray in the refrigerator.
KIRK: I want them off the ship, Spock. I don’t care if it takes every man we’ve got.
SPOCK: That may be difficult, Captain. They are, after all, your children.

ENTER SCOTTY CARRYING A PILE OF UNWASHED LAUNDRY

SCOTTY: Aye, they’re into the machinery, all right. None of the basement computers are working, the XBOX 360 is dead and the TV is emitting a high-pitched whine.
KIRK: Can you get the DVD player working?
SCOTTY: Ah cannah, Sir. If I try to run one of your movies she’ll blow apart!

(whistle)

SULU (over intercom): Sulu here, captain.
KIRK: Report.
SULU: Shuttle bay reports the Geo now has some new dents.
KIRK: I’m on my way.

EXIT KIRK, SPOCK, SCOTTY

SCENE 48
INTERIOR ENTERPRISE BRIDGE

(swish)

ENTER KIRK, SPOCK, SCOTTY

KIRK: Uhura, get me Starfleet Command.
UHURA: I can’t, Sir, all the phone lines are in use.
KIRK: Well, FIND me the basement phone!
UHURA: Hailing basement phone….no response on any frequency.
SPOCK: Am attempting to use sensors to locate the basement extension phone….(LOOKS INTO SENSOR DOODAD WITH BLUE LIGHT…YOU KNOW THAT THINGIE HE’S ALWAYS LOOKING INTO) It appears to be under a pile of laundry behind the door of the boiler room.

KIRK: Spock, we’ve got to get these kids off of the ship before they destroy it.
SPOCK: Captain, I’m forced to agree. I’ve been running computations on their rate of growth. The figures are taking an alarming direction. They are consuming our supplies, eating our food, using our cars, talking on our phones, occupying our bathrooms and showers, producing enormous amounts of laundry, destroying our electronics, and returning nothing.
UHURA: But they do give us something, Mr. Spock. They give us love.
SPOCK: (RAISES LEFT EYEBROW)
KIRK: Too much of anything, Lieutenant, even love, isn’t necessarily, a good thing. (GIVES PILE OF SHOES AND SNEAKERS TO UHURA)
UHURA: Yes Captain.
KIRK: Have maintenance clean up the entire ship.

ENTER McCOY

McCOY: Jim I think I’ve got it! All we have to do is quit feeding them. We quit feeding them, and they stop growing!
KIRK: Now he tells me.

21 comments:

Juggling Frogs said...

Captain, the answer is to beam them all to the grandparents' house... er... ship.

(Isn't that what finally worked with the Tribbles?)

Anonymous said...

YEAH! A PT post! And a good one.

the apple said...

Wow, are you secretly my mom in disguise?

Ezzie said...

Wow, are you secretly my mom in disguise?

That's a scary thought.

Methinks someone needs a vacation :P

Perel said...

Oh, that's right, Abba. Send us to Grandma Rose's house. All of us.

Rafiki said...

but who will shlep your amps?

Shira Salamone said...

"Have maintenance clean up the entire ship."

Dream on! :)

On the other hand, my 25-year-old, upon departing for grad school, informed us that he no longer lives with us and told his CPA father to use his bedroom as an office, but he also informed us, in no uncertain terms, that he's no longer our tech support. So, yeah, who will shlep your amps? :)

RaggedyMom said...

You mean to tell me they get even more locust-like as they grow?!

feefifoto said...

You should consider keeping them around. They make excellent Klingon detectors. Oh wait -- that's tribbles, not teens.

Okay -- call maintenance then.

PsychoToddler said...

Frog Juggler: You may be on to something. We'll have to beam them into their grandparent's bathroo--er engine room

Anonymous: Who--are--you?

The apple: ...no...of course not..no...er....don't be ridiculous

Ezzie: who, me or the apple

Perel: I'm beginning to understand your grandma rose

Rafiki: Touche. And to this, of course, you owe your life.

Shira: Office? What need I of an office, when I have this cozy little fruit cellar?

RM: You can't imagine...

FFF: You mean they make excellent Cheerios disposal units

Shira Salamone said...

"Cheerios disposal units" LOL!

With any luck, maybe the young'uns will leave you enough just Cheeries to have a nosh in that cozy little fruit cellar. :)

sarabeth said...

The real trouble with tribbles is that all too soon they're off to explore strange new worlds, seek out out new life and new civilizations, and leave Captain Kirk and Spock with a severe case of empty ship syndrome.

the apple said...

Me.

and lol.

Shira Salamone said...

" . . . empty ship syndrome." Good diagnosis, McCoy--that sounds like what we have, alright.

Doctor Bean said...

I think you should put them all in one room and seperate the saucer section.

Mmm. Wrong show.

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Children are a three-edged sword...

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

heh...I brought a tribble with me to Israel when I made aliya.

I'm impressed so many commenters here knew what they were.

PsychoToddler said...

You brought a tribble to Israel? Surely you must have realized what would happen if you removed the tribbles from their predator-filled environment, into an environment where their natural multiplicative proclivities would have no restraining factors

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

PT: Of course!

I hope to post a picture in the next day or so ;-)

aoc gold said...

O Sailor, Come Ashore

(Part I)

O sailor, come ashore

What have you brought for me?

Red coral , white coral,

Coral from the sea.

(Part II)

I did not dig it from the ground ,

Nor pluck it from a tree;

Feeble insects made it

In the stormy sea.

~by aoc gold

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