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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Nuthing Lik a Beepur!

You loyal PT readers know that I like nothing better than genre fiction! Wuat? You don't?? What's that you say? XBOX and DVDs? That's ridiculous! No, I like to read and write books!

So I'm expanding my writing into a new genre, which I will label "The PT Grafik Novuls". Here's my first effort, based on the best-selling hit "Nuthing Lik a Famule." For other entries in this field, see "Nuthing Lik a Dat" and "Nuthing Lik a Vampir."

Nuthing Lik a Beepur



(grat buk!)


This book belogs to



In the morning, I anser my pajur

My wife dosin’t lic to, not vare

My kids slep late

I tak a showur and forget to trn off my beepur

My wife gets mad


War...AAA...my payshunt is

(where is my patient?)

Oh, uh “where is my patient”

er...where IS my patient?

In raydiolojee, that is war he is


(what’s going on on this page?)

(he’s waiting for the elevator)


(how about this page?)

(same page)

(who’s in the restraints?)

(the alcohol withdrawal patient)

(they put the withdrawal patients in restraints?)

(yeah, the nurses like to put them in there)

(who’s the guy with the tie?)

(that’s the hospital administrator)


AAA! (looking at hospital list)

Dont Wry! You hav to see thm all today!


(ah, there he is reading the charts)

(what are all those things hanging from the IV poles)

(it’s like thingies that hang from the IV poles)

(are they antibiotics?)

(no, look this gives you a hint. Can you guess)

(it’s covered in foil? Is it nitroprusside)

(No. See, all these gives you a hint)

(Is he in the ICU?)



Hmm! >:-(


Wut cind uv consult is this!?

(illegible handwriting!)



You didn’t write a good note


(Boy, are you gonna leave the hospital? Are you going to eat a kit kat in the doctor’s lounge? No, I think I’m going to go answer my pager…)


(what’s happening in this picture?)

(dreaming…doo doo doo)

(what’s he dreaming about?)

(page page page page…he’s dreaming he’s getting paged all night by the ER…oh wait…he IS getting paged all night by the ER)


Wi do I cep getting payjed!!

(because you’re on call)


Hmmm mm mabe yor pages are good

FFF for “forgot to call for refill during the week”

D for drug-seeker


Pashunts are mor importint

Evere uther day!


The End!

(doo doooo doodoo doodoo doo)


Yoni said...

are you sure that the PT won't hoist your head on a pike for this some years down the line?

PsychoToddler said...

She gets to pick my nursing home. I would think that's revenge enough.

SJ said...


PT Grafik Novuls are dangerously close to deposing Jane Austen for the coveted spot of SJ favourite.

And, btw, the number of people who think I am clinically insane grows daily, as I randomly insert things like "WUAT?" and "That doesn't look like a four legged spider!" into general conversation.

Erachet said...


No, wait, wait--


(That's right. Standing ovations are in all caps)

I've made up my mind. I shall go to graduate school to study Grafik Novuls. Yep.

Perel said...

it's true. sj recently befuddled me as i passed her on the sidewalk by looking alarmed and exclaiming, "ho no! its fuj! les makarun for it!"

Perel said...

if only there were pictures...

Prisstopolis said...

I just read in my haggadah that the plague of cattle disease also afflicted the horses, the donkeys,

and the FAMULES!

Ezzie said...

Just as a note, for the rest of us, this has become very difficult. Randomly around our house on Shabbos, people will start speaking in ways that are somewhat difficult to understand, as there is no warning that they have switched languages.

But it's freaking hilarious. :)

Perel said...

abba - i think it's time. the pt can write. give her her own blogger account.