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Thursday, November 29, 2007

And Stop Calling me Hellmut

Hello, Hellmut

I've been searching for a man of my dreams, of my desire and I indeed hope that you are that person, and I have somehow fallen hopelessly and undeniably, though virtually in love with you. To be honest, I never thought I would ever utter those words, but now, they come forth effortlessly and with great sincerity. I'll be forever grateful to you if you show me just how shallow my life was. At last, I have a chance to give it depth and purpose.

It would probably be better to tell you this during meeting in person, eyes to eyes, but I knew that the proper words would escape me. I wrote you this letter instead. Please answer me http://www.********* after you read it, and we'll communicate.

Until I hear from you, I remain totally yours in thought and spirit.
Looking forward to hear from you

Juliana P

Dear Juliana P,

I'm really flattered that you feel this way about me. But I think it would be a really bad idea if we met. You see, my wife works out four nights a week, and if she caught me "eyes to eyes" with you she'd probably break my neck.

Not to mention that this is really not a great time for me to go to the Ukraine.

Thanks for thinking of me!

Your pal,

Not Hellmut


fudge said...

somehow, i think the 'proper words' would escape her anywhere.

eeees said...

At least she didn't ask for your banking info!

Baila said...

wow! I never get e mails like that! and she doesnt even know about your band.

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...


cruisin-mom said...

I say, you should've gone for it. Mrs. B would understand.

Batya said...

Is that the name you chose for your band?

PsychoToddler said...

"And Stop Calling Me Hellmut" would make an awesome band name!

Miriam L said...

Even "Not Hellmut" has a band-like sound to it.

I don't get love letters from the Ukraine. Maybe I should change my shampoo.

Chana said...

How flattering for you! ;)