How it possible WHOLE YEAR go by and only two posts feature Cro Magnon Man?!
To make up, Psychotoddler allow Cro Magnon Man to do yearly post round-up. But not need to worry; Psychotoddler be back soon. Have only hairline skull fracture. Cro Magnon Man put up strong argument.
Hmm…now where to start?
Cro Magnon Man know most of Psychotoddler readers come for weird, bizzarro posts featuring perplexingly obscure cast of fictional characters discussing everyday life situations with much humor. So Cro Magnon Man summarize these first:
NOT SO FAST!! You think you pull fast one on Cro Magnon? You think just read funny ones then skip rest of post! Well Cro Magnon man may have brain size of walnut, but not get fooled by that trick! Cro Magnon move Bizzarro category to end!
Ugh. Cave children. Many of you think because blog named “Psycho Toddler” that it only about funny things his kids say. Cro Magnon read these stories. Stories just not that funny. Psychotoddler move many of them to other blog. Look there. Actually, not sure why need to come to this blog to read about Psychotoddler younglings, since all have own blogs already. Cro Magnon did find touching post about new fish family buy. Poignant tale of survival in PT household. Will fish live or fish die? Cro Magnon Man save you from suspense: Fish dead.
Writing about blogging, Psychotoddler write about how blogging improve his public speaking skills. NOT. Some people have way with words. Others not have way. Psychotoddler also get all emotional when marking first yahrtzeit for father. Cro Magnon Man appreciate respect for ancestors. Also thank PT readers for supporting Psychotoddler through year of mourning.
Yawwwwwwn. Psychotoddler have religious angst again. What else new. Psychotoddler reach back to 2004 in desperate attempt to remain relevant. Not fooling anyone.
OK!! This where get interesting for Cro Magnon Man! Every time Psychotoddler write about shul, get VERY CRANKY!! They say Islam religion of peace. Not say that about Judaism! That for sure! Psychotoddler think fist-fight break out if he skip tachanun one more time! PT also get VERY ANNOYED at things other people do in shul. Cro Magnon have advice for PT: ROAR LOUD AND CARRY BIG CLUB!!
ARRRRR!!! Advice arrive TOO LATE!! Psychotoddler reign of terror OVER!! But, not too late to bring big club to shul. After all, it appear Psychotoddler turning into grumpy old man he so despised in youth. PT should know better. No escaping inner Cro Magnon Man.
On serious note, Cro Magnon think PT have good point regarding early minyan.
And now something different. Psychotoddler write about car. Again. Why Psychotoddler not just get new car already? Cro Magnon know what problem is: Psychotoddler spoiled as child with too many toy cars.
Oh, HERE big surprise: Psychotoddler write bunch of posts about his band! Did Cro Magnon say band? Meant bands. Post video of usual band playing big show that nobody show up to (especially like how camera man pan out to empty seats--nice shot!). Also post alternate acoustic act playing small intimate show that nobody show up to.
But that not all! PT contribute song to first online interdenominational interfaith intergalactic Holiday Special! Where Wookies when need them?
Psychotoddler explain to me (during brief lucid periods) that this blog started in part to give “inside look” into being in band. Heh. What exploding toilets have to do with that?? But not to digress, PT discuss interesting synchronicity between death of bass and death of patient. Cro Magnon think Psychotoddler reading too much Jung. Or listen to too much Police. Also tell of trials and tribulations involved with setting up home recording studio, and give free song. FREE SONG! It seem Psychotoddler not even able to GIVE songs away! Nobody listen! Maybe readers think something that cost nothing, worth nothing.
PT give us intriguing “inside look” at what go on at band practice. Note to Producer: Need MORE Triceratops Bell!
Finally Psychotoddler join atomic age and now last person on earth to buy iPod. Neanderthal Luddite.
It a family afffairrr! It a family afffffaaaiirrr! What? Cro Magnon Man big fan of Sly and Family STONE. Psychotoddler write about how preparation for Bar Mitzvah of Curly leave him little time to write blog. GOOD! Enough crap on internet already! Unfortunately, after Bar Mitzvah, have more time to start blogging again. As punishment for readers remaining loyal, PT post pictures from his Bar Mitzvah and Wedding. Cro Magnon think PT look more refined with beard.
Mother of Psychotoddler think he losing his mind. Who Cro Magnon Man to argue?
Psychotoddler Clan go to Israel! Hilarity ensue! Hilarity ensue? Hellllloooo?? Hillllarity!! Where hilarity? Why it not ensue? Why only substantive Israel post about cemetery?? Then Psychotoddler write about crapmobile he forced to drive. Psychotoddler not have to travel to Israel to come up with that story. Cro Magnon Man hope hilarity coming soon. In mean time, PT post series of pictures only takeable in Israel.
And in World of Entertainment, Psychotoddler complain about new season of Battlestar Galactica, formerly best show on TV, now major shark-jumper. PT wonder why Movie Industry not able to offer truly family friendly cuts of popular films on DVDs when so many tracks devoted to Brontosaurus droppings. Psychotoddler begin and apparently soon abandon series of posts about DVDs he and kids watch while on exercise bike. Cro Magnon have the inside scoop: It because he watch nothing but crappy 90’s Sci Fi shows.
Cro Magnon Man have it on good authority that Psychotoddler like to tell people that he an architect. To prove point, he design computer game level based on own home, but filled with teleporting space cats, pig police, lizard men, alien egg pods and slime monsters with pointy teeth. Amazing how close to reality it is!
OK!! Moment all wait for arrive! Patented Psychotoddler Bizzarro Posts!
First, PT attempt to market sheitels for men. Is it just Cro Magnon, or Psychotoddler obsessed with William Shatner? And Sheitels?
Do not disturb Psychotoddler when in Fortress of Solitude! Psychotoddler make some superhero, no? What his super power? Make toilet paper disappear?
Cro Magnon not sure if this post supposed to be about cars or about band. But demonstrate PT willing to go to “great lengths” for a gag. Like satellite imaging.
Psychotoddler fancy himself some kind of crimefighter in post about neighborhood patrol. Maybe if criminal need bathroom during perpetration of crime, PT get to use his toilet paper zapper and save day!
Everyone know Psychotoddler big nerd and not know first thing about football. Hey! PT! Ever hear of “write what know”?
FINALLY!!! ROOOOAAAR!!! Cro Magnon Man make appearance in Attack of Pod People! Really more of cameo. In truth, Cro Magnon hold out for more money, but get offered spin-off instead. However, even Cro Magnon at loss to describe what on Earth going through Psychotoddler head when writing this one.
Well, that about it for this year! Next time, PsychoBarbarian write round-up!