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Thursday, May 17, 2007

All the Options

Car Salesman: Can I show you anything?

Psychotoddler: Uh, yeah. I was wondering if this car comes with one of those jacks to plug in an MP3 player?

Salesman: This one? Um…yes. Yes it does. Standard on this model.

PT: What about one of those voice-activated GPS navigation systems?

Salesman: Yes, that’s available. It’s optional.

Mrs. Balabusta: Not for my husband, it isn’t.

Salesman: Oh?

Mrs. B: He needs toys.

PT: Yes, toys.

Salesman: I see. You might want to look at this model over here. It’s the MLC trim level.

Mrs. B: MLC?

Salesman: Mid-Life-Crisis. Very popular with our 40-something buyers.

PT: Yeahyeah, let’s go.

Salesman: Ma'am, you might like to sit in the back.

PT: (in car) Wow…there sure are a lot of buttons…

Mrs. B: Is this a car or a Space Shuttle?

Salesman: You can take her out for a little cruise, if you’d like.

PT: Yeahyeah, me like.

Mrs. B: Did you get clearance from the tower for takeoff?

PT: Man, look at this radio…and the climate control…

Salesman: Yes, this model has all the options.

PT: What does this button do?

Salesman: Try it.

PT: What the---HOLY CR—there’s a woman in the seat next to me!

Salesman: Yes, that’s our “Auto Trophy-Wife” feature. Very popular with the 40- and 50-something buyers.

Mrs. B: “Auto Trophy-Wife”??

Salesman: That’s right. It seems a lot of our buyers felt that it wouldn’t be worthwhile to get the upgraded car if they didn’t have a hot woman to go along with it—no offense meant, Ma'am.

PT: She—it—sure looks real.

Salesman: Our technicians put a great deal of work into making her as realistic as possible. After-all, who wants to be seen driving around with what looks like a blow-up doll.

PT: Not me.

Auto Trophy-Wife: It’s too cold in here! Turn off the air conditioning!

PT: Uhh…

ATW: Ugh! What are you LISTENING to?? Turn it to the Top 40 station!

PT: What’s going on?

Salesman: Hmm…well, the Auto Trophy-Wife is a new feature…

ATW: You’re going TOO FAST! You’re going to get a ticket!

PT: Hey, I’m not liking this!

Salesman: It’s possible that in their attempts to make her as realistic as possible…

ATW: You missed the turn back there! Do you EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING??

Salesman: …that they may have gone a little TOO far…

ATW: How close do you plan to get to THAT CAR....Did you remember to lock the front door....You need to pick up some milk...

23 comments:

torontopearl said...

Does that car have room in the back for kids?

Ezzie said...

The trophy wife sounds suspiciously like Hot Chanie.

RaggedyMom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RaggedyMom said...

LOL! Nothing's probably worse than I was when RaggedyDad started driving here: I would intermittently rap my knuckles on the rearview and passenger side mirrors every so often, when I felt like he needed to be checking them more. Ugh! Lucky he's still around!

LittleBirdies said...

You're too funny--where do you come up with these!

Halfnutcase said...

You're a nut. A genuine nut.

Ayelet said...

hee.

A Simple Jew said...

Very funny!

Elie said...

LOL!!! Reminds me of the end of "I, Mudd": "Harcourt Fenton Mudd, you've been drinking again, and overeating too! You miserable good for nothing..."

"500 of them???? Aaauuugh!"

Miriam L said...

Man, are you in trouble.

the apple said...

At first I thought this was real. Oysh.

So funny!

Ralphie said...

Brilliant.

Anonymous said...

so last week, erev shabbat, tight schedule we are driving home on a route that i usually drive but he doesn't, and i say, "get in the left lane, honey" pause "i think you need to get in the left lane sweetheart" pause "the left lane" pause " you missed the left lane, oh light of my life".

Three hours later (what should have been a 45 minute trip) we arrived home, just in the nick of time.

and believe, i am no trophy....

~ Sarah ~ said...

lol

Chana said...

HA! That's excellent. You're very good at fakeouts. Every time you do this, I initially think it's real, then start thinking "What?" and then finally get to the "Oh, gods, that's entertaining." :D

The Babka Nosher said...

Kind of takes the shine off the MLC car, doesn't it? Nothing a little duct tape couldn't take care of!

yellojkt said...

I want one of those MLC cars. Don't need the hot chick accessory, I have one already.

RaggedyMom said...

Sienna ain't got nothin' on this vehicle.

iguana said...

ha ha! Auto Trophy Wife strikes again!

therapydoc said...

Way to go, psychotoddler. SURE you know where you're going. have a good yuntif

Jewish Blogmeister said...

Well I have a bit to go till I hit MLC land..great post!

Shira Salamone said...

Having met Mrs. B., I think you already have a trophy wife.

Juggling Frogs said...

This is a classic! I've forwarded it to my trophy of a husband, who bought a new car on Memorial Day weekend.

I'm glad our minivan didn't come with the trophy kids feature. Once I've dropped them off at school, the last thing I'd want is a bunch of virtual kids screaming, "She's looking out of MY window!"

All the best,
CLKL