This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked
away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph.
I got a call from my Mother recently. It went like this:
Mom: Markie. What's wrong.
Me: Nothing. What are you talking about?
Mom: They are telling me you are losing your mind.
Me: What? Who is telling you this?
Mom: Who? Your wife. She says you never remember anything anymore. She has to tell you things over and over again. She said you forgot some appointment, and then when she told you, you said why didn't she email you.
Me: I have no memory of this.
Mom: Markie! Maybe you should see a doctor.
Me: I don't believe in doctors. They're all quacks.
Mom: But Perlie told me also that you have no memory. She said you start to say havdula, and you say kiddush instead.
Me: (quietly): Perel! (aloud) That only happened once!
Mom: Nu, so what is wrong with you. Why are you so forgetful. Maybe you need a doctor.
Me: I don't need a doctor. I've always been like this.
Mom: No, you were always very sharp. When you were two you remembered everything.
Me: I have more stuff rattling around in my head these days.
Mom: Well you know I am very forgetful so I worry that you will be forgetful.
Me: I'm fine. Don't worry about me. By the way, who is this?
Well, maybe she has a little point. I do have a lot on my mind. I don't think it's so much a matter of being forgetful as it is that I'm constantly thinking of three or four things at once. People talk at me while I'm in the middle of something else. I don't like to multitask and yet it's all that I do. When I'm in minyan, I'm thinking about the patients in the hospital. When I'm in the hospital, I'm thinking about the clinic. When I'm in the clinic I'm thinking about my email, or the blog, or my next gig. I'm constantly juggling.
I think Yoda's description of Luke fits me well. I've always had my eye on the horizon. What's next. What do I want. Where would I rather be. Anywhere but where I am and what I'm doing.
To an extent it's good. It's how I got where I am now. I've always had a couple of pots to stir. But I may be running out of burners.