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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Motherly Love

A recent conversation with my mother:

Me: Mom, Lenny Solomon wants to hire me for a few jobs in New York. So I’ll get to see you.

Mom: When is this?

Me: September 15.

Mom: Wait, I have to check my calendar.

Me: Excuse me?

Mom: I have a few affairs. Hold on. Can you hold on?

Me: Uhh..I guess so.

Mom: September 4….September 10….when do you want to come?

Me: September 15.

Mom: September 15…no….I don’t have anything on the calendar. Why, do you want to stay here?

Me: Well actually, I can make some money playing a Bar Mitzvah if I spend Shabbos in Teaneck.

Mom: So you want to go to Teaneck?

Me: Well, I can tell him no, I’ll only do the Sunday job, and spend Shabbos with you.

Mom: So what do you want to do?

Me: I don’t know, what do you want me to do?

Mom: You can do whatever you want!

Me: Do you want me to stay with you or play the Bar Mitzvah?

Mom: Go play the Bar Mitzvah! You can see me Sunday.

Me: Gee mom, I’m getting all the warm and fuzzies from you.

Mom: Hahaha…you’re very funny.

Me: So you won’t be insulted if I spend Shabbos in Teaneck?

Mom: Why would I be insulted??


LittleBirdies said...

Teaneck is not all that far from Queens. You can stay by her for shabbos and do the bar mitzvah...But if you do stay in Teaneck, I can set you up for shabbos if you need (my uncle and aunt live there)

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Nice conversation, cute. She doesn't sound like she really minds either way. Cool you have jobs in NY. Up for a blogger meet? Any bloggers interested?

Neil Harris said...

While the coversation was funny, I'm laughing that you Wikied Teaneck. Mothers...

Stacey said...

Such a familiar conversation! Jewish mothers are all the same. I'm convinced!

Jewish Blogmeister said...

She's insulted don't believe her! ok......maybe she's not...

ball-and-chain said...

I'm wiping a tear.

Shira Salamone said...

On the other hand, she may just figure that a couple of bucks to help pay for her grandchildren's school expenses is a fair trade-off for seeing you for only one day.

So how come nobody's asked the obvious question--where are the gigs? They're not even on the Shlock Rock website yet. We have to know where to drive ye olde rental car. Also, re the Bar Mitzvah, do you do a cappella gigs, or is this an after-Shabbes gig? (Don't worry--we promise not to crash the simcha!)

We're looking forward to seeing you play in person.

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Teaneck is very close to.... me!

wanderer said...

Portnoy would have been proud!

PsychoToddler said...

LB: I thought about that, but I think Lenny and the baale simcha would prefer that I showed up on time--or at all.

social worker, shira, steg etc: The best way to meet me would either be to try to track me down over shabbos in Teaneck or come to the show on Sunday Sept 17, which I believe is at 2:30 at the Utopia Pkway Jewish Center. I haven't seen any specific advertising for it yet.

Neil: Yes, apparently somebody had hacked the Teaneck page so that it said "Mostly Harmless" but that's been removed. I guess once Lenny and me are there it will be dangerous again.

JB, Stacey: Yes, now we play the "what does she actually want" game. When she says, "why should I be insulted", is it some kind of rhetorical question, is it one of those "if you don't know then I'm not going to tell you" things? Is it a Polish thing/Mother thing/or Woman thing?

Ah the heck with it. I'm dense. I need to be told what to do. She's known me for 40 years. If she can't figure it out by now, I'm not going to tell her.

BAC: Thank you, I'm glad I could provide some laughter.

Wanderer: Who?

Eeees said...

{{{{{{{{{{group hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}

fudge said...

excuse me, I take full responsibility for the wiking of the teaneck page. glad you people still read the fine print.

wanderer said...

You're not familiar with Portnoy's Complaint? A classic about the "Jewish Mother" syndrome.

Should be required reading for all Jewish men when they hit puberty. (Probably wouldn't make your rebbaim's Top Ten List in yeshiva, however...)

rabbi neil fleischmann said...

So, did you want to post this? I mean it was your choice. Why would anyone force you? It's alright, I'll sit in the dark.

I might be up for a blog meeting...

The King of Shlock said...

Mark asked me to post a comment on the show. Here is the info...

Shlock Rock will be Performing September 17
Utopia Jewish Center
64-41 Utopia Parkway
Fresh Meadows, NY, 11365
Sunday afternoon, 2:30 PM
For information, call 718-544-9033

I believe the show is open to all for free!

Thanks, Lenny

Ezzie said...

Oh sure. Same day, same time as a party we have to go to. Ya know, you could drop by KGH for lunch on the way there... ;)

Robbie said...

Yeah... If that's not love, I don't know what is...

cruisin-mom said...

Ahhh, yes...Portnoys Complaint...and while your at it...Goodbye Columbus

parcequilfaut said...


My mom is not Jewish, but she totally pulled the reverse of that on me this weekend....called Saturday while I was out at lunch, and I didn't get her voice mail until three, so then she wanted me to come over today...and when I called her? Taking a nap. I love my mom.

Rafi G said...

have a great gig. Lenny is amazing and a great guy. Send him my best (just tell him Rafi from Bet Shemesh) we are friends..