At a highway rest stop, somewhere along I-94 in central Wisconsin...
Me: OK, The PT, go with mommy to the bathroom and make a pishy.
The PT (age 5): I don't have to go!
Me: I think you do.
The PT: (hopping from foot to foot) No! I made in Milwaukee!
Me: Then why are you grabbing your shorts like that?
The PT: (hopping from foot to foot and grabbing shorts at crotch) Uh...because I don't want them to fall down!
Me: Yeah, but then you'd be grabbing the top of your shorts, not the bottom.
The PT: (confused look)
Me: That's it! Just go with Mommy!
The PT: NOoooooo! The toilets are too LOUD in there!
Me: What? Fine. Come with me.
The PT: NOOOOOOO!!!! That's only for BOYS!
Me: (exasperated) Good grief. Wait, what's this? A "Family Restroom"? We'll go in here.
The PT: Is the toilet quiet in there?
Me: Sure...probably...I'll go in with you.
The PT: But DON'T flush until I leave the baffroom!
Me: I won't.
The PT: (stopping at the door) But what if it's automatic?
Me: An automatic toilet...?
The PT: Yeah, yeah, what if it flushes by itself??
Me: Well, maybe it won't. I'll make sure it doesn't.
We enter bathroom. There's no handle on the toilet.
The PT: Oh no!! It's automatic.
Me: Don't worry.
The PT: But what if it FLUSHES!!
Me: It won't.
The PT: But what if it DOOOOOESSS????
Me: WILL YOU JUST GETONTHATTOILET??? PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS FIRST!
The PT: But I don't have to make.
The PT: OK OK.
The PT: (tinkling) Hey... I guess I really did have to--
The PT: (jumping about 3 feet in the air with her shorts around her ankles and her hands pressed up against her ears) I TOLD YOU IT WAS AUTOMATIC!!!