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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Exploding Toilets

At a highway rest stop, somewhere along I-94 in central Wisconsin...

Me: OK, The PT, go with mommy to the bathroom and make a pishy.

The PT (age 5): I don't have to go!

Me: I think you do.

The PT: (hopping from foot to foot) No! I made in Milwaukee!

Me: Then why are you grabbing your shorts like that?

The PT: (hopping from foot to foot and grabbing shorts at crotch) Uh...because I don't want them to fall down!

Me: Yeah, but then you'd be grabbing the top of your shorts, not the bottom.

The PT: (confused look)

Me: That's it! Just go with Mommy!

The PT: NOoooooo! The toilets are too LOUD in there!

Me: What? Fine. Come with me.

The PT: NOOOOOOO!!!! That's only for BOYS!

Me: (exasperated) Good grief. Wait, what's this? A "Family Restroom"? We'll go in here.

The PT: Is the toilet quiet in there?

Me: Sure...probably...I'll go in with you.

The PT: But DON'T flush until I leave the baffroom!

Me: I won't.

The PT: (stopping at the door) But what if it's automatic?

Me: An automatic toilet...?

The PT: Yeah, yeah, what if it flushes by itself??

Me: Well, maybe it won't. I'll make sure it doesn't.

We enter bathroom. There's no handle on the toilet.

The PT: Oh no!! It's automatic.

Me: Don't worry.

The PT: But what if it FLUSHES!!

Me: It won't.

The PT: But what if it DOOOOOESSS????

Me: WILL YOU JUST GETONTHATTOILET??? PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS FIRST!

The PT: But I don't have to make.

Me: GRRRRRRRR

The PT: OK OK.

The PT: (tinkling) Hey... I guess I really did have to--


KAAAAAA-BOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!


The PT: (jumping about 3 feet in the air with her shorts around her ankles and her hands pressed up against her ears) I TOLD YOU IT WAS AUTOMATIC!!!

29 comments:

Rachel said...

To be completely fair, those things are scary! I hate when they just go off at random...like when you are using them!

Neil said...

I hate them too. One modern invention that should never have been developed. That and the 8-track player.

torontopearl said...

Your PT is certainly not the only one to freak out with those toilets. My youngest developed a "thing" a few years ago because of an extra-loud, extra-forceful flushing toilet. Took a while to get him to agree to use public restrooms; he still is "cautious"!
And my daughter hates those automatic ones, as well.

PsychoToddler said...

I think I read somewhere that the manufacturers make them loud to discourage repetitive flushing.

Eli said...

Drape a piece of toilet paper over the infrared eye. When you're done, or willing to be attacked, you can remove it.

PsychoToddler said...

Man, Eli, you'll hack anything--even a toilet.

BTW, Mazel Tov, dude. Only Simchas.

Safranit said...

I have a maternity top (not currently in use) which would cause the Alverno automatic toilets NOT to go off! Anytime I went in there I'd have to remember to do it manually when I was wearing that outfit ;)

(It was in the toilets in the rotunda)

PsychoToddler said...

Well, as far as I can tell, there's only one Men's bathroom at Alverno (it's an all-girls college), and it doesn't see a lot of use.

The big problem that I've had when I've used it is that the sensors on the sink don't work. So often I have to wave my hands around in front of the faucets like...something funny that waves its hands around...in order to get them to turn on.

Jewish Blogmeister said...

Now you've done it! Now she must join a automatic toilet flusher anonymous group to get through this traumatic experience.

Neil Harris said...

Very cute. My 6 yr old son love them b/c their 'magic'. My 4 yr old daughter could care less.
Thanks for sharing.

Kiwi the Geek said...

I hate those things too. If they're supposed to discourage repetitive flushing, why do they sometimes flush twice? When you said it wouldn't flush, I was assuming you'd hack it by putting your hand over the sensor. I guess I'm like Eli.

Sweetie and I have a similar conversation:

- Go potty before we leave.
- I don't hafta go.
- Yes you do.
- No I don't!
- You have to try.
- No, I can't go!
- We all have to TRY every time we have the chance.
- <whine, grump>
- See, you did go.

Sweettooth120 said...

They always seem to go off whenever I am placing the seat cover on, then I end having to do it again, and again....

Very cute story. I just love it when the kids say that. And do you ever notice that they never seem to catch on, no matter how many times they are proven wrong.

A Simple Jew said...

When my 4 year-old has to go she starts hopping around and dancing like Elaine on Seinfeld. It is not a pretty site...

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Hysterical you sure you didn't travel with my daughter,sure sounds alot like her lol.

Eeees said...

For a device that is suppossed to discourage repetitive flushing, it sure isn't doing its job! They always flush "in the middle", and I always have to press that little button in the wall to flush down "the rest". Ewwwwww...
BTW..our daughter also needs to be "dragged" to go use the bathroom when on trips (and she is twice The PT's age!). I think that's what started the women leaving to the bathroom in herds thing. Whenever I need to go...she MUST at least try.

Baleboosteh said...

Automatic flushing toilet??
Sounds scary, thank goodness we don't have them here in Australia!!

30cal said...

laugh if you will, abba- ur goin to purgatory for this post, make no mistake!

~ Sarah ~ said...

what drama!

GoldaLeah said...

Neither of my kids will flush ANY toiled now. The public ones are too loud, and one incident of the water coming up instead of going down, if you know what I mean, cured them of flushing at home. Every time ANY one of us walks into the bathroom, my Thing 1 (who is 5) shouts "Don't Flush!!" and takes of running for the plunger, just in case. Lovely when the grandparents come over.

Shira Salamone said...

Oh my heavens, I am *so* with The PT on this! I *hate* those bleeping automatic-flush toilets--they *always* flush in the middle and *always* make enough noise to wake the dead! They scare the bleep out of me, too, and I'm old enough to be The PT's grandmother!

Eli said, "Drape a piece of toilet paper over the infrared eye." Thanks for the tip.

Kiwi the Geek said...

LOL everybody! My Sweetie has been the official toilet plunging assistant since she was 5. She has to stop the water while I plunge with both hands. Beloved can't get anywhere near it because he'll puke.

Another story for ya: We were at a truck stop the other day to meet Beloved, just started putting stuff in the car, and Sweetie had to go.

- Now?
- Now!
- <sigh> Okay. <grab hand & start running the loooong way to the store entrance>
- Why are we running?
- Because you have to go really bad, right?
- No.
- Then why were you doing the potty dance?
- I dunno.

PsychoToddler said...

ur goin to purgatory

I thought we were in the purgatory.

Tzipster91 said...

You might be...at least you don't have rattlesnakes like us. (No, I'm not telling, come read *my* blog).

How do you get the paper to stay on the little eye? Aren't they set really close to the wall?

Nati said...

Wow, I took an internet break for a couple of days and came back to two great posts - thanks! As for the trip in general, 3.15 gas does sound great. Don't worry, you're not missing much in Queens this summer .. When we were in Belgium a couple of weeks ago, in a town about an hour by train from (any kosher food in) Antwerp, the food situation was the one thing (as always) that I found the hardest - particularly when there is next to nothing in a regular supermarket with a hechsher on it, and my husband's non-kosher-eating family was always eating food that looked so . . warm and tasty . . He's used to it by now but I find it rough. My 3 yr. old daughter was pretty understanding about not getting to have ice cream like her cousin and other treats aside from the stale ones we shlepped along! I'll never forget the first time I was there when we were engaged: Me: Fiancee, what does "konnijn (pr:ko-nayn) mean in Flemmish? Him: Rabbit, why? Me: Because it's defrosting in your mom's sink!

As for your bathroom adventures, 3 yr. old really dug the loud, fast, intense flushing (hey I live there) sound on the plane. So much so that she faked having to go repeatedly. Husband was catching a little shut-eye on the flight, so there I was, holding the(heavy) baby while helping the big girl navigate the airplane bathroom 5 times in one hour and tell her repeatedly not to touch anything . . . when I say that I'm done with travelling for a while, I mean it! :)

PsychoToddler said...

Nati: I don't envy you travelling with the little ones. We used to fly back and forth from NY to WI with 1, 2, 3, 4 and even 5 very small kids and it was a hellish experience each time. After a while, we began to look forward to driving because the kids could make as much noise as they wanted and no one would care.

I'm readying a post to comemorate the 10th anniversary of our train trip to NY that you may find interesting. I wouldn't recommend it now, but when your kids are old enough to occupy themselves it might be fun.

As for the rabbit in the sink, I'm sure my wife could tell you some stories about my parents' house from when we were recently married. They didn't exactly keep strict kosher at the time. You learn to make some compromises for shalom bayis.

BTW I'd love to see your pictures.

Anonymous said...

THIS DOES NOT SEEM VERY ENCOURAGING

Terror Plot Suspects Planned 'Dry-Run' of Attacks in Next 2 Days, Sources Say

Balabusta in Blue Jeans said...

Was it really so much trouble in the old days, when you just flushed?

A friend of mine discovered that the one at her work couldn't see her when she wore black.

Chana said...

ROTFLWTIME... (with tears in my eyes)

A couple summers ago, we were soooo close to my aunt's house, and the rest stop we pulled into had no sanitary facilities, so I told my 5 yo daughter she could just squat by the van since there was no one around... she absolutely refused, but was just howling because she had to go so bad...

Finally, I had had it with the screaming and I took one of our 2 y.o.'s diapers and put it under her (with her underwear off). I said, this is the best I can do if you won't go outside (we'd stopped twice by then), and and we kept driving. We were, seriously, 10 minutes from my aunt's house!

A few more minutes of screaming... and then it stopped. "Mommy, I'm calm now." LOL!! I think she was more worried about making a mess!

You know how it is... when they gotta go, they gotta go!

PsychoToddler said...

Balabusta in BJ: remember the old days when you would enter a stall and find a nasty surprise waiting...?

Frumpy chic: I hear you. I order my kids to go to the bathroom before we get on the road. Even the teenagers. You just never know. "NEVER PASS A BATHROOM." That's my motto.

Besides if I leave up to the PT, she NEVER has to go. Until she's about to explode.