Thursday, June 15, 2006
Immigration Policy Reform
It has become clear to me that the biggest issue facing our great nation today is the illegal migration of clothing from my wife's portion of the closet to my own. This clothing is increasingly displacing the native wardrobe, causing great hardship to the existing clothing which must now be compressed more and more to accommodate the extra burden of clothing on my rack. Access to my clothing is becoming more and more difficult as it is progressively being pushed farther and farther to the right, to the section of the closet that is not easily accessible from the door.
Her clothing shows no signs of respect for my part of the closet. It refuses to learn the categorization by which my clothing is sorted, e.g. pants on one side, shirts on the other. It also misappropriates valuable resources, i.e. hangers, while contributing nothing to the rack on which it is hanging.
My wife regularly derides my choice in clothing to family and friends alike. But I submit that if my clothing is so offensive, then why does she insist on illegally crossing the very specifically delineated border (she gets the bottom rack, I get the top) to store her clothing with mine?
It's time to get tough about illegal clothing immigration. It's time to close the border. A closet which does not control its own borders can scarcely be called a closet at all.
I know there will arise the issue of amnesty. The problem of what to do about the existing illegal alien clothing already residing on my rack, using up a formidable percentage of the space there. One could argue that for humanitarian purposes it should be allowed to remain. After all, there isn't any room left on her rack for those articles.
But I say NO! If this clothing refuses to integrate into the existing clothing, if I can't walk around in one of her frilly shirts, for example, then it does NOT deserve to stay on my side of the closet.
It's time to TAKE BACK MY HALF OF THE CLOSET! Who's with me?