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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Showdown



The sun had long since set when I rode up to the old shul. The smell of quiet expectation was in the air. Maariv was aproachin'.

I swung the double doors wide open and walked into the sanctuary. The regulars were all there. Respectfully, they tipped their hats at me, then went back to what they were doin'.

I sidled up to my usual spot...at the front of the minyan, ready to begin the service--

--and then, outta nowhere, there mosies up the most ornery varmint ya done ever see in the whole Midwest--and he was-a gunnin' fer me!

"Hold on there, pardner," I said to him, my hand slowly reachin' fer my siddur, "that there's my spot."

"Not tuh-day, pilgrim," he retorted. "I'm takin' the stand today. I got me a Yahrtzeit."

A Yahrtzeit! Well shiiiiiinolah! Ain't no Yartzeit gonna stand 'tween me and my rightful place.

"A Yartzeit? You got no jurisdiction here, cuz. I'm in the middle-a shloshim."

He didn't like that answer. He didn't like that answer none-attall.

I could see it was gonna come to fisticuffs. I rolled up the sleeves on my blue blazer and prepared for the showdown.

Then, outta nowhere! The Preacher come and stand a-between us!

"Hoooooollllldddd onnnnn brothers!" he said. "I don't think we need tuh resort tuh fightin, here! I think we can resolve this all civil-like. I'm not a rabbi fer nothin', y'know."

And with that, he pronounced his judgment:

"BREAKAWAY MINYAN!"

18 comments:

torontopearl said...

PT: Thanks for giving us a taste of the Old West -- the Old MIDWEST, that is...!

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Just think: If you did that here in the Shomron, everyone could have pulled out their guns as well :)

Essie said...

LOL...what a great telling of a story. how do you manage to make everything so funny?
Chag Sameach!

PsychoToddler said...

I watch a lot of TV.

Ezzie said...

LOL!! (Sorry, I'm just picturing the preacher breaking up a duel :) )

HaJew said...

There's something strong and moving about the respect people want to give their beloved. But, is any of this halacha? Is there no rule that says that a shloshim gets priority rights of leading? I'd think there would be. Probably the rabbi wanted to allow the other fellow to keep up something he really wanted and needed to do. Very Solomonic (with no one split in half except a minyan).

PsychoToddler said...

Actually, what I read is that the shloshim takes preference, and that the minyan should not be split.

But this was not purely halachic. The rabbi really didn't want the other guy to miss his chance to daven.

Frontier justice!

torontopearl said...

After the showdown, I guess it's the "chow-down": kiddush.

PsychoToddler said...

YEEEHAAAWWW!!

mochassid said...

I was under the impression that yahrtzeit does trump shloshim. But I can relate. It used to drive me crazy during my aveilus when non-members would come to shul and ask for the amud.

PsychoToddler said...

I was under the impression that yahrtzeit does trump shloshim.

Could be. I'm no rabbi. Just an ordinary cowpoke.

the sabra said...

magniv!

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Just remember, in some minyans only one person can say kaddish at a time!

Nati said...

What a great way to tell that story! I can totally see that being made into a Country Yossi song . . !

PsychoToddler said...

You mean it isn't a Country Yossi song already?

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Very funny and clever.

Wanna Be Frum said...

really funny :)

Mirty said...

Zet vas a good a vestern, like dey used to make.