Powered by WebAds

Saturday, April 15, 2006

The Four Bloggers

Blessed is the Internet. Blessed is IT. Blessed are those who gave us the Blogosphere. Concerning four bloggers does the Blogosphere speak: The Wise Blogger, the Wicked Blogger, the Simple Blogger, and the Blogger Who Does Not Know How to Comment.

The Wise Blogger: The Wise Blogger is a much better writer than the rest of us. While many are content to write about poop or silly things their children say, the Wise Blogger writes about politics with such authority that we dare not contradict him. Or he is the perfect father, next to whom all other parents pale and are unworthy. Or she is the expert on relationships, so deep and self-aware that we can but wonder why it is that she still hasn't found the perfect mate. The Wise Blogger is the pinnacle of blogging, the unapproachable summit that we can only aspire to but never reach. Yes, we are not worthy even to comment on the Wise Blogger's Blog.

But the Lords of the Blogosphere have told us how to respond to the Wise Blogger: We must comment with the same high-falutin' technical language that they use. Remember, it is better to sound smart, than to be smart.

The Wicked Blogger: The Wicked Blogger exists to cause dissent and chaos! He criticizes everything! Finds fault with all arguments! He holds nothing Sacred! He comes to your Blog and leaves nasty comments, and insults your readers! Yea, verily, he is the quintessential Troll! Why, right now, I bet he's thinking up something nasty to say about this very post! He's so vain! He probably thinks this post is about him!

And the Creators of the Blogosphere have told us how to respond to him as well. We must "blunt his teeth": ban his IP address from our comments sections! Do not reply if he somehow slips in via a different computer at work! Feed not the Trolls! We must remind him that the Blogosphere was created for us, the forces of niceness! Had the Blogosphere lords known about the Wicked Blogger, well, they probably would have had second thoughts about this whole Blog thingie.

The Simple Blogger: The Simple Blogger craves neither accolades nor revulsion. The Simple Blogger blogs for fun and friendship. Sure, the Simple Blogger aims a little lower than the Wise Blogger, but he or she hits his or her target just as often. And more importantly, the Simple Blogger understands something that perhaps the Wise and Wicked Bloggers do not: That there is a market for people who want to read about poop and silly things said by kids. And Cavemen and Sean Connery.

And so the Bloglords tell us to remind the Simple Blogger: The Blogosphere was created for him or her as well, with a strong hand and some Band-aids, or somesuchIcan'treallyrememberrightnow.

And finally,

The Blogger Who Does Not Know How to Comment: This one is such an important part of the Blogosphere, and yet he does not even realize it. He is our future. He is the Lurker. It is he who causes our Page Views to creep upwards, allowing us to evolve above our fellow blogs in The Truth Laid Bear. And yet he leaves no lasting trace of his visit. The Bloglords tell us to make an opening for him. Invite him to leave comments. Let him know that we appreciate his visit and would like to hear what he has to say, no matter how irrelevant, moronic, or incomprehensible it may be. Tell him, "this is what the Blogosphere has done for me! You can be a part of it too!"

30 comments:

GregoryT said...

Great Post. Chag kasher ve'sameach!

Ezzie said...

Awesome. :)

cruisin-mom said...

You are my "Yoda" P.T. .... greatest post!!! (At least now I know I look like Luke Skywalker)

essie said...

Terrific post :) Chag Sameach!

Binyamin said...

Nice post, except for that part where you were talking about me...

wanderer said...

"Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope."

Don't shortchange yourself, you are both simple and wise.

Nice post.

torontopearl said...

Great stuff you've got here!

A gut moed to you and the family.

Eli said...

Brilliant! Chag Samei'ach.

queeniesmom said...

Very funny! Enjoy the rest of the Chag.

Danny said...

Brilliance! You nailed it. I beg you to write an all-Star Wars Haggadah for next year. I want to see where Princess Leia and Jabba the Hutt fit in.

PsychoToddler said...

The Jewish Princess and the big fat slob? Can't imagine how they would fit at a seder.

Eshet Chayil said...

*sigh* I don't think I fit into any of those. A git moed.

PsychoToddler said...

I hoid a vort from a choshuveh blogger who said that we don't necessarily fall into any one category. Radder, there are bits of all four in each of us, and who we are depends on how much each of the types predominates.

parcequilfaut said...

Heeee. I needed that today. Deciding to quit my job always takes it out of me.

Hope your Pesach was good, PT!

parcequilfqjsdfl;ka;gads

PsychoToddler said...

Whoa! Fhuqwgads was here! A real celebrity!

30cal said...

Hmmm... all these comments are like, "good post, man" or "funny post" or " you are truly the awesomest blogger" or somethin like that. Clearly, everyone hated the post and thought it was ugly, and what we are now witnessing is the mad scramble by everybody to be nice and supportive and not get their IP adresses banned. Of course, you can't ban me, cuz I'm using your computer. :P

Doctor Bean said...

Had you posted about Passover before the holiday and not during the middle days, it would have been enough.
Had you posted during the middle days without a genius parody of the Hagada, it would have been enough.
Had you composed a genius parody of the Hagada without tying in Star Wars, it would have been enough.
Had you tied in Star Wars, and had I gone to bed without commenting, it would certainly have been enough.

PsychoToddler said...

you can't ban me, cuz I'm using your computer.

I can remedy that.

Irina Tsukerman said...

That's a hilarious post! Great job! : D

Neil said...

Much better than the Feminist Haggadah we used last year.

parcequilfaut said...

Ah, PT, always tryin to play like U No Me.

:)

Someday I will update my blog. And hell will freeze over. But that's ok.

parce

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

PT; Thanks! My kids LOVED your posting -- at first they thought, "groan, its chol hamoed and abba's blogging again...and then I showed them your posting and they LOVED it (and I got them to read something in English too, so a double Kudos :-)

Happy Isru Chag!

PsychoToddler said...

All part of the service--get it?? the service?? I slay me!

Pragmatician said...

great parody!It's interesting everyone blogs on the 4 sons, what about te rest of the Hagadah?

A Girl with a Crush said...

Boy, that simple blogger, sure was CUTE!

hKetG said...

The Blogger Who Does Not Know How to Comment

LOL!!

ELDER GRIMJACK said...

GLORIOUS ARE THOSE WHO BLOG.

THOSE WHO BLOG ARE OUR SERVANTS.

WE RULE THE BLOG-O-VERSE AND ALL WHO WISH TO BLOG WITHIN IT.

BOW DOWN AND OBEY US. WE COMMAND THIS.

PRAISE US. IT IS YOUR DUTY TO THE BLOG LORDS WHO COMMAND ALL BLOGS.

-ELDER GRIMJACK

MaksimSmelchak said...

One word:

GENIUS!

A Gut Pesach to you and yours!

Shalom,
Maksim-Smelchak.

Celia said...

This blog is fantastic, is very interesting, I like the colors, are awesome. Keep it and show us more!!!! Do you wanto to see something more? Look... Glass Bongs and Bong featuring Herbal Smoke, water bongs, bongs online head shop, Marijuana Alternative,glass water bongs, Hashish, Ganja, homemade bongs, Smokeshop, cannibis, legal smoking alternatives for herbal highs and aphrodisia. http://www.headshopinternational.com

Samuel Zamora said...

A blog (a contraction of the term "web log")is a type of website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video.bet basketball Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.
Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, Web pages, and other media related to its topic.sportsbook The ability of readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual, although some focus on art (Art blog), photographs (photoblog), videos (Video blogging), music (MP3 blog), and audio (podcasting). Microblogging is another type of blogging, featuring very short posts.
As of December 2007, blog search engine Technorati was tracking more than 112,000,000 blogs.http://www.enterbet.com
There are many different types of blogs, differing not only in the type of content, but also in the way that content is delivered or written.Personal blogs
The personal blog, an ongoing diary or commentary by an individual, is the traditional, most common blog. Personal bloggers usually take pride in their blog posts, even if their blog is never read. Blogs often become more than a way to just communicate; they become a way to reflect on life, or works of art. Blogging can have a sentimental quality. Few personal blogs rise to fame and the mainstream, but some personal blogs quickly garner an extensive following. One type of personal blog, referred to as a microblog, is extremely detailed and seeks to capture a moment in time. Some sites, such as Twitter, allow bloggers to share thoughts and feelings instantaneously with friends and family, and are much faster than emailing or writing.march madness