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Friday, March 31, 2006

And Now a Word from Sean Connery

Thish is Sean Connery. I writing here to reshpond to commentsh thot whar made on a radio programme thot wazh broadcasht lasht night on WYUR, the sho-called "Isle of Manhattan." Parenthetically, I've travelled up and down the coasht of Scotland, and I've never sheen an "Isle of Manhattan." But that jusht goezh ta show yew the short of wild inaccurashy you cahn exshpect on thot shew.

On the broadcasht lost night, the hosht, one alias "Fudge," and her gang of irreshponsible lads, made sheveral shcandalous shtatements aboot my carrrreer, and I feel the need to shet the record shtrait:

Firsht of all, they dishplayed a complete ignorance of my heritage when they ashked me to sing that Russian song from "The Hunt for Red October." (Notish that I didn't shay "The Hunt for THE Red October," azh was shaid ovar and ovar on the shew). Are they daft?? Ken they no' tell that I washn't doing a Russian acshent in that film?? I wash very dishtinctly affecting a Lithuanian acshent thar! Perhapsh they're no' sophishticated enough to dishtinguish batween the tooo.

It may come azh a shock to the proprietarsh of the shtation that I am, in fact, of Scottish extracshion. Oh, I know, it may be hard to tell at timesh. Over my long an shtoried carrrreer, I've played charactersh from many differing nationalities. For exzample, my turn as the Shpaniard Ramirezh in "Highlander." Or the Englishman Alan Quatermane in "The League of Extraordinary Gentleman." Or an Irishman in "The Untouchables." Why, I even played an American azh Harrishon Ford'sh fahther in "Indiana Jonesh and the Lasht Crushade."

Shtill the ashked me to shing that infernal shong! Did they no' notish that I wash the only one in that sheen NOT shinging? Thar's a reashon for tha'. I don't shpeak Russian! Ne par le po Rushky! Get it?? Now, if they want to shing that shong, I shay, "Let them shing."

Shecond, they clearly are offenshively ingnorant when it comes to the highlightsh of my carrrrrrreer. Nay, I am NOT besht known fer my turn ash the ex-convict opposhite the shimilarly chameleon-like actor Nicholash Cage in "The Rock." You young lassies and laddies na' have the pershpective to remember my breakthrough rolezh in "A Bridge Too Far" (playing a Scotsman!) or my firsht film, "Zardozh."

However, if therzh one role thot I would prefer to be remembered for, itsh thish (no, not ash the old curmudgeon who befriendsh a gifted Black shtudent in "Finding Forreshter". What a load or pretenshious predictable tripe thot wazh..): My proadesht rrrole wazh azh Shir August de Wynter in tha rremake of "The Avengersh." And do ye ken why? Becaush I played againsht type thar. I wazh a mashk of pure evil in thot one. That sheen whar we all dressed up ash teddy bearsh and I utterred thosh immortal linesh..."Noone of yew know who I am, but I know all of yooo..." Pure Shakeshpeare.

UPDATE: Sean Connery's first Jeopardy appearance:

GI Jackson:


Binyamin said...

Nice post, but I think Henry Jones, Sr. was supposed to be of Scottish extraction. They made a point of having the actor that portrayed him in "The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles" use a similar accent as Mr. Connery.

Sean Connery said...

Wot are yew, shome kinda fahn-bouy?

I've been in over 400 filmsh! I canna be exshpected ta remember the nashionality of each rrroole!

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Medishin Mahn.

fudge said...

begorrah, sean. i feelsh i musht be frank. if you canna get yerself a deshent role shoon, indeed i fear 'indiana jonesh's fadder' will be your crowning role.

on a side note, has anyone seen the snl episode with sean connery on jeapordy? PRICELESS!

Binyamin said...

Sadly, yes I am a geeky fanboy. My only solice in life is to randomly roam around the net making nitpicky comments on blogs. You have my appologies.

Oh, and I really loved your work in "Darby O'Gill and the Little People".

PsychoToddler said...

an album cover

Ralphie said...

I'll take The Rapists for $1,000, Alex."

cruisin-mom said...

P.T.: next time put a "giant laugh coming" warning label on posts like these...my keyboard is soaking wet from spitting out my coffee all over it.
I laughed so hard my tummy hurts.

Eli said...

I'm sorry, Sean, but The PT truly has you beat when it comes to radio interviews.

Sean Connery said...

Accchhh...never follow animal acts or kidsh.

Ontario Emperor said...

And no mention of that James Bunt role or whatever that spy thingie was? (Welsh, right?)

I've forgotten the name of the SNL guy who portrayed Connnery in those Jeopardy parodies, but I remember him saying that he initially tried to do an accurate impression of Connery, but as time elapsed he went for a more comic exaggeration.

fudge said...


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