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Monday, January 09, 2006

Cro Magnon Grooming

Tonight night Female need shave Cro Magnon Man neck.

WAIT!! Where you go? This not disgusting story!

Where Cro Magnon Man was? Ah, yes. Tonight need neck shaved. Female not happy with Cro Magnon grooming.

"Why Cro Magnon bother to shave neck," Female ask, "but not HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE?? Aiiiiii!!!!"

"What," Cro Magnon say, "Not like job Cro Magnon do? Then Female do!"

Heh! Female! Female think anything Cro Magnon do, Female do better! Cro Magnon see.

"OK," say Female, "but we do upstairs in bathroom. Cro Magnon hair make BIG MESS and Cro Magnon too cheap to hire Cleaning Neanderthal woman."

Grrrr....Female not complain about all Cro Magnon hair when she see all Cro Magnon friends bald. Bah...never can please this Female.

Cro Magnon and female go upstairs.


ARRRRR!!! Phone ring again! This time, Cro Magnon check caller ID first. Last time Cro Magnon answer phone, end up with free vacation to Orlando without airfare or hotel, and have to listen to long sales pitch about time-share and....

Cro Magnon not get into THAT now!!

Caller ID say "VK Singh Heating and Ventilation." Forget it! Not want to talk to them.

"OK Female, shave Cro Magnon..."

"Cro Magnon Father!!!! Telephone!!!"

ROOOOAAAARRRRR!!!!!! Why cave kid answer phone??? Remind Cro Magnon to eat that one later.

Cave kid bring phone. Fine.

"Cro Magnon here. Who this?"

"This ventilation company. We will be in your area next week. We would like to clean your ducts."

"WHAAATT??? Cro Magnon not have any ducks!"

"No, sir, the ducks in your house. We can clean them for you."

"What wrong with you? Not understand Pre-Historic English? Cro Magnon not have ducks!" SLAAAMM!

Female say, "Why you slam phone into sink? That not way to hang up. Press button!"

"Now, not worry about more phone calls. This phone never ring again."

Now, Female shave front of neck. Cro Magnon tell her she welcome to shave off beard.

"No, you too ugly with no beard. Female leave you for better looking bald guy. Bald guy have smaller ears and bigger chin than you."

Female right. One time Cro Magnon Man shave of beard, and middle cave son not come out of closet for 2 weeks!

Now, Female shave back of neck. Save Cro Magnon Man $12 on haircut.

Female wonder, "Cro Magnon, is this what it like to grow old?"

"No," say Cro Magnon. "This what it like to grow old together."


Ezzie said...

Ummm... eeew? awww? eeeaawww?!

Ayelet said...

LOL and, then, aaawww. Sweet.

Robbie said...

Awww - that's love - shaving someone else's body hair.

Doctor Bean said...


I would pay money (albeit very little) to see a picture of you sans beard. If female likes you better with beard than that closes that issue.

Wishing you continued successful grooming.

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Sigh... so much harder to give yourself a haircut with live prehistoric hair-eating buzz-beast.

Mirty said...

Caveman need back waxed? Don't worry, it only hurt a little. Tough guy.

I hear your cave need ventilation. Next time duck man call, talk to him.

torontopearl said...

Just realized that Cro-Magnon's remains were found in France.

Indulge us with Cro-Magnon man French-speak? (or at least with "franglais")Pourquoi non?

Essie said...

Ditto to Ayelet. Very funny and so sweet at the end.

Ralphie said...

I hate when the kids answer the phone when I'm trying to Caller ID screen!

Sweettooth120 said...

Ralphie -I know what you mean, especially when it's the inlaws!

PT, When I met my husband he had shoulder length hair with soft curls to die for. Women where he worked, would always go up to him and just run their fingers though his curls, or made a point to tell me how much they love them. When he started to teach, he cut the hair and grew the goatee. It was the best decision ever. Since he has a full face, it slimmed it down tremendously. Sometimes he thinks about shaving the goatee, but he really does look much better with it. In fact it changes his whole look. One time, without me knowing, he shaved it off. My daughter, who was 3 at the time, wasn't quite sure who this man was. She slowing approach him, then, hesitating, she reached for his face, trying to figure out if this was daddy or not. It really threw her off. Even my son, who was baby, seemed confused. It was very funny to watch.

Oh, and btw, that last line,is very endearing. So I guess, the ears and nose are throw in there too. : )

Kiwi the Geek said...

I wish Beloved Cro-Magnon would let me do his haircuts. When he does it himself, he always leaves a few bits that don't belong, which is annoying when I'm rubbing his head.

PsychoToddler said...

OK, the truth is, most guys who wear beards, you get used to them WITH the beard. Unless it's just stubble, it becomes part of the outline of the face. You shave the beard off, and suddenly the facial proportions look all wrong. Until you get used to the new look.

But that transition time is weird for everyone. And that story about my middle son is true. He saw me come out of the bathroom (he was 3), took one look and me, turned around and ran right into the closet.

Anne said...

I tried to shave the back of the hubby's neck. He almost divorced me afterward. It seems I can't shave in a straight line. Oops.

tuesdaywishes said...

I've been doing all hubby's haircuts for more than 10 years, ever since he paid a barber $10 plus tip for a haircut so bad he came home with a 3-inch bald spot he doesn't (naturally) have. Where else can you get a haircut at 11pm and go straight into the shower? He doesn't even pay me, though he does have to sweep the floor afterwards.

PsychoToddler said...

An electric shaver is one thing, but I'm not letting Mrs. Balabusta anywhere near me with a scissors!

Kiwi the Geek said...

What's really impressive is that I can cut my own hair. In back.

I part it down the center and comb it all straight into a ponytail at the nape of my neck. Then I carefully pull the elastic down to an inch or so above the ends, and cut it off a half inch above the elastic.

It's not as good as the conventional method, but most people are afraid to try. Fortunately, in a few years Sweetie will be old enough to do it, and I can have a haircut when I remember, at 10 pm.

Kiwi the Geek said...

A good haircut, I mean. I can get one now, but I have to convince somebody I won't get mad if she screws up, and then we have to get together sometime.

Tzipster91 said...

Cro Magnon copy Female's sister's line about ducks. Cro Magnon niece righteously indignant. Also thing post very funny.

Tzipster91 said...

*think post very funny

Cro Magnon Lawyer said...

Cave-neice! Female-in-law have plenty of time to use duck story on own blog. If Female-in-law not bother to do so in reasonable time, then story go to public domain! See Female-in-law in court!

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