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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The Aristocrats!

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Have you ever heard of The Aristocrats? It's a movie, released last year, about an infamous old joke. Actually a series of jokes. These jokes have two things in common:

1. The punchline is always "The Aristocrats!"
2. The wind-up leading to the punchline is so absolutely filthy that it can never be said in public.

So who tells these jokes? Comics. They tell them to each other, each trying to out-do the next. It's one of those movies that I will never see.

I bring this up because a similarly little-known fact about doctors is that we have our own Aristocrats jokes. Except that ours are usually true and don't share a common punchline. But we each carry with us a selection of anecdotes that are so delightfully perverse and yet so obviously filthy that we can never tell them to anyone. Except other doctors, of course.

And so it was during one of my infamous little IM chats with Doctor Bean today that I stumbled my way into another one of these jokes. True story. Something that happened to me today. And as I got into it with the good doctor I began to realize that this would make for one heck of a blog post.

But once again, good judgment took over and I realized that there was no way that I could possibly write about it. Not because of confidentiality. That wouldn't be in danger. It's just too filthy. It is way beyond the boundaries of good taste. Even for this blog. But it would be hysterical.

Just for kicks, I'm going to open this up for opinions. Here are the options:

1. I can post the story here.
2. I can let Doctor Bean post the story at Kerckhoff Coffeeshop.
3. I can post the IMs between me and Bean at Kerckhoff.
4. I can bury it somewhere else and leave clues for those who have no taste.
5. I can post it here but blank out the dirty parts.
6. None of the above.

Let me know what you think.

26 comments:

Irina Tsukerman said...

Post it! Post it!

By the way, I've got something posted myself... Take a look! *mysterious wink!*

Safranit said...

I vote for 1 2 or 3. This means we want to see it...in any way you are willing to show it to us.

Ezzie said...

Well, depends on HOW perverse, I guess... but this post is just a nice big tease. Really unfair.

Working, too...!

PS Does #2 imply that the Coffeehouse has lower standards than PT!? What does the good Dr. have to say about that?

Doctor Bean said...

Ezzie: The Coffeehouse standards are much lower than PT, and we're proud of that.

POST IT!

(Of course, you realize that all this is going to raise expectations too high, so now whatever you do, it'll be hard to live up to it.)

wanderer said...

So post it already!

Robbie said...

ooooooh!


Post it!!

cruisin-mom said...

Perhaps you could set up a small booth with a curtain and we can take turns going in to read it.

Ayelet said...

How 'bout this: post it (that part is essential) and have a warning label rating its content for those who prefer to shield their delicate sensibilities.

Kiwi the Geek said...

There are two kinds of dirty humor: gross and sexually related. (Are we allowed to say the S word here?) I'm pretty sure you wouldn't discuss the latter, much less consider posting it on your blog, so please, I beg you to make me say, "Ewwww" in my best girly voice. Personally, I don't like seeing a beautiful creation dragged through the mud, but if you post that type, I know where the back button is and will not whine.

I think #3 would be likely the funniest version.

PsychoToddler said...

Kiwi: This would be kind of a combination of both.

I have to say that in my profession people tell me all kinds of things, and as a rule what is said in the exam room stays in the exam room. My brain is like a locked vault.

I don't discuss it with anyone. Community members will come up to my wife and discuss a visit to my office and she'll have no idea that I see them.

That's one reason you won't see me posting anything about patients.

But this was a little over the top for me. I'd have to scrub it so it would be unrecognizable and untraceable back to its source.

Jack's Shack said...

A good doctor should always scrub.

Ralphie said...

I say post, but substitute the filthy words with Children's toys & characters. For example:

"So this guy tells me that his Bob the Builder got caught right in his My Little Pony and he had to wait until his wife came home and Barneyed it out with a toothpick."

PsychoToddler said...

Y'know, that happened to me just yesterday!

Kiwi the Geek said...

Things that have actually happened, to a patient or anybody else, are not quite the same as sexually perverted jokes. I thought you were talking about a joke.

So post it already! #3 would only take you 5 min. And if I'm offended, I promise not to whine. Put a disclaimer if you feel the need.

PsychoToddler said...

I don't want this to get too built up, because if/when it finally gets posted it won't live up to the hype.

This would fall more under the category of things you weren't expecting someone to say...

cruisin-mom said...

so, p.t. we're waiting...what's it gonna be...post/no post? I can't hold my breath any longer...blue is not my color.

PsychoToddler said...

The vote seems to be overwhelmingly in favor of posting, doesn't it?

Check back here soon.

PsychoToddler said...

OK, for those of you who have know what it was that I Instant Messengered Dr. Bean about (and have VERY low standards), take a look over at Doctor Bean's blog.

Just turn the clock back one year to find it.

Psychotoddler and Bean's Rabbi said...

I don't know what the big deal was about. You should have just posted it here - none of the dietary laws were violated...

cruisin-mom said...

P.T.: least you could have done was give fair warning: DO NOT HAVE COFFEE IN MOUTH WHEN READING POST.

Ralphie said...

You were right - you shouldn't have posted.

Ralphie said...

Cruisin-mom: Is it ok to spit coffee?

cruisin-mom said...

Hey Ralphie: Boy did I set THAT up! Am I a great "straight-man" or what?

Kiwi the Geek said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kiwi the Geek said...

(okay, that was blonde. try again)

(I commented over at Kerckhoff's, but I don't think many people saw it.)

So now I'm giggling, and my little Sweetie demands to know what's so funny. She never takes no for an answer; I can't put her off with "You can't understand" or "It's only for grown-ups". So I told her this guy asked his doctor if it was okay to eat worms. I tell ya, parenthood is continually raising my creativity.

So, PT, you never told us the answer...is it ok?

Giggle! Inquiring minds! And BTW, I don't think this is such a terrible story. Though you were right to post it in the comments on somebody else's blog.

PsychoToddler said...

Only if you wear a _______ .