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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Psychotoddler and Bean, PT 1

Hmm...Sounds like the name of a shlocky '70s detective show set in Los Angeles. Oddly appropriate.

Mrs. Balabusta was kind enough to start the chronicle for me. All I have to add to that is that it is very clear to me that Gd Himself chased us out of Milwaukee. A snow storm! Single-digit temperatures for a week! ANOTHER snow storm! It wasn't quite the Amityville Horror "GEETTT OUUUTTTTT" but it was pretty darn close.

After we touched down in LA, we made our way towards the baggage claim area. As we walked, I made up with my wife that she would do a funny accent, since Doctor Bean had spoken to me on the phone (once!), but had never heard her speak. So she tried on her Milwaukee accent:

"Ohhh yaaaa, it's kinda warm here, doncha know!"

"That's a little thick I think. You sound Jamaican. Try more subtle."

"How's dis, ehna?"

"Nope. Now it's gone. Forget it."

So we gave up on that plan and just used our regular voices. Dr. Bean was easy to spot since he does bear more than a passing resemblance to that picture of Rowan Atkinson that he uses (but he's much better looking). Not that Rowan Atkinson is a slouch. He's attractive in that I'm an odd-looking Englishman sort of way. But I'm way off topic now).

I had thought of course that it would be incredibly awkward meeting him for the first time. We'd been chatting and exchanging emails and comments for months. So, he wasn't exactly a stranger. We actually knew quite a bit about each other. But, I mean, we were meeting for the first time!

Weird!

But it wasn't weird. It felt more like I was seeing an old college buddy for the first time in years, but unlike my actual college buddies, this was one that I was keeping in touch with regularly.

I don't know how else to describe it. We instantly fell into the same quips and traded one-liners that regular readers of this blog have become accustomed to. It was as if we had been friends for years.

After a few completely unintelligible loudspeaker comments (which were bizarrely coming from a woman not 5 feet away but which still sounded like someone announcing stops on the 6 train), we had our luggage and were off to the Beanmobile.

Doctor Bean was busy showing us the sites of first, LAX ("Hey Bean, is there some reason why they surrounded the airport with sculptures that look like smoke stacks?"),




then Hollywood.

Despite giving up on our plan to do fake accents, it wasn't long before Bean asked Mrs B. where her charming accent came from.

Eventually we made our way to the Bean Estate. I won't describe it too much, so as not to give away too many clues towards the Beans' secret identities, but the place is gorgeous. Meticulously clean, perfectly decorated. I'm having serious thoughts about retracting my invitation to him and Ball-and-Chain to visit the PT hovel in Milwaukee.

In fact as soon as we entered their state-of-the-art kitchen, Mrs. Balabusta started hitting me over the head with her purse.

"I WANTED AN ISLAND LIKE THIS!! KLOP! LOOK AT THE STOVE!! KLOP! THEY HAVE TWIN CONCEALED DISHWASHERS!! KLOP! YOU CALL YOURSELF A DOCTOR?? WHY CAN'T I HAVE A KITCHEN WITH ALL THE MODERN CONVENIENCES AND APPLIANCES THAT A BUSY HOUSEWIFE NEEDS!!" KLOP KLOP KLOOOOPPP!!!

I of course took some pictures, but in the interest of sparing any other underachieving male spouses out there a similar beating, I will refrain from publishing them.

Now, it goes without saying that the credit for the perfectly arranged house, which seems lifted directly from the pages of Fancy Shmancy Interior Designs that will Never Look as Good in Your House Magazine, goes not to Doctor Bean, but to the lovely Ball-and-Chain, who is every bit as beautiful and welcoming as Doctor Bean always says she is. Once again, here was a woman whom we were literally seeing for the first time, but felt totally at ease with.

We felt like we had come home.

Except to a really really reeaaalllyy nice and clean home.

How could four small children possibly be living here? It turns out that they were, for we were soon introduced to them. We quickly spotted similarities to our own horde. There's one that sounds a lot like Iguana and one that is destined to become the next Psychotoddler. The dynamics between the kids are slightly different than with our own, only because the Beans started a little later and did a better job with...uh, spacing. Like I said, we felt very much at home.

Ball-and-Chain and Dr. Bean share a quiet moment reading together shortly after our arrival

Soon it was time to prepare for Shabbos. I mean, Shabbat.

8 comments:

torontopearl said...

Part 1... hmmm? Exactly how many parts are there in this miniseries?

In any case, looking forward to all the dirt -- oh, wait, you said (and I'm eyewitness to the fact, too) their house is immaculate, so I guess that means no dirt. Okay, looking forward to Shabbos/Shabbat, Saturday night, Sunday and Monday details...

Ralphie said...

It's important to note that B&C did all of her decorating with eBay purchases.

Well, that, and a couple of couches from an outlet store my wife told her about.

(Sorry, I am trying to insert myself into this story any way I can.)

Doctor Bean said...

[sobbing hysterically]

I miiiiiiiiiss youuuuu guyyyyyyyyyyyys! Come back soooooon.

**sniff**

This post brings it all back like it was just four days ago.

[prolonged loud nose blow]

It was four days ago. Good times. Good times.

I concur with the factual content of the post, especially the bit about how beautiful ball-and-chain is. Of course, Mrs. Balabusta's beauty has already been well established.

Stacey said...

Sounds great, but tell us more!!

Essie said...

Love it that you guys finally met and that you were able to have a nice vacation in L.A!

tuesdaywishes said...

I'm definitely waiting to hear the rest, especially since Somebody didn't even tell Somebody Else that she was going to LA. I guess she didn't want me to die of jealousy (instead of frostbite) here in the Great White Frozen Solid North.

PsychoToddler said...

Tuesday: I'm sure it's because she didn't think you'd understand the whole 'I met some blogger on the internet' thingie.

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

That reading picture? Such a cheat. (not The cheat)