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Thursday, December 08, 2005

My New Best Friend


It is ffffffreeeeezzzzing out here in the Midwest. And it's so cold and dry outside that my fingers are starting to split open by the nails. And it's worse because I am washing my hands all day long and they are getting dish-panned. So I have these incredibly painful, paper-cut like splits on the tips of my fingers, y'know, where all the nerve endings are.

But all is not lost, because I discovered the best way to treat this crippling affliction: Krazy Glue. Bonds in seconds with amazing strength without clamps, mixing or mess. If it can suspend a fat guy by his hat from a steel girder hundreds of feet above the ground, surely it can seal my wittle fingers back together.

I just put a little drop into the groove where the split is, and smoosh it together for a few seconds. Kids, don't try this at home. I'm a trained professional. Ahhhh....that's better. Back to typing!

19 comments:

Doctor Bean said...

Make sure not to pick your nose right after you do that.

PsychoToddler said...

Yes, that would be very incriminating.

Anne said...

An epoxy on both your houses!

(My apologies to Shakespeare fans)

Ken Shriben said...

I was told to Use SkinBond instead

doesnt crazy glue have some cancer causing stuff in it?

Doctor Bean said...

Inland empress: That got me giggling. At work. Sheer genius.

cruisin-mom said...

Keep this in mind P.T...

BOULDER, Colo. - Home Depot was sued by a shopper who claims he got stuck to a restroom toilet seat because a prankster had smeared it with crazy glue. He accused employees of ignoring his cries for help for about 15 minutes because they thought he was kidding.

"They left me there, going through all that stress," Dougherty told The (Boulder) Daily Camera. "They just let me rot."

Doctor Bean said...

Ken Shriben: I think crazy glue has been shown to cause cancer in rats. Which is good. I hate rats.

MC Aryeh said...

PT - trained professional as in doctor or as in cro-magnon man?

Jewish Blogmeister said...

Guess your new friend will always be stuck to you like....hooves of cattle

Shmiel said...

its also good if you split a Bass playing nail...Bailed me out a couple times....Just had a thought...Are you still primarily a pick user?

PsychoToddler said...

Still a picker, Shmiel. However, I've had to finger frets with split fingers in the past and it's unbelievably painful.

I played a mid-winter gig a few years back. I did a lot of shlepping in and out of my car and into the building. With gloves, without gloves.

First set one of the fingers on my left hand split open and started bleeding. I bled all over the fret board. Never stopped playing though. After a while it started getting sticky, you know, like dry sweat.

It was absolutely disgusting, but I bet some of the audience thought it was cool.

Cro Mangon Man said...

Cro Magnon resent comment.

Jack's Shack said...

Talk about a sticky situation.

Pragmatician said...

You might wanna try simple hand cream or lotion twice to 3 times a day, amazing how that helps.
Pick one that is absorbed immediately or you'll be helpless for several minutes eacht time.

Essie said...

Ahava Dermud Hand cream every night link
Like a miracle! (and, no, I don't get a commission :)

Mrs. Balabusta said...

The PT saw me putting hand lotion on and asked me what I was doing. I answered that I was putting lotion on my hands to make them feel better. The PT said, "Abba doesn't use lotion on his hands. Abba uses glue."

Also, that guy from Home Depot has a hx of pulling that type of prank for profit.

tuesdaywishes said...

I've had that kind of problem many times. Try switching to a creamier hand soap. I was using (a cheap imitation of)Dial Antibacterial, and the switch to(a knockoff off) Ivory made a real difference.

When my skin does crack I use a product called New Skin, which forms a plastisc layer over the break. It comes as a spray, but the more effective form has a tiny brush, like nail polish. It also claim to have antiseptic ingredients. Band-Aid brand sells something called Liquid Band-Aid, I think it's the sames stuff.

tuesdaywishes said...

I figure if I got interested enough to look this up, you might as well hear it. Band-Aid Liqiud Bandage and Krazy glue are both forms of "cyanoacrylate".

Kiwi the Geek said...

For the worst cracking, what you need is to use Vaseline while your hands are still a little damp. It's doesn't add moisture, it seals in the moisture that's already there. Best after a shower or dishwashing, when there's lots of it. My mom has serious skin troubles, and cheapo Vaseline is better than all the prescriptions.