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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The Story of Boba

Attention travelers on Midwest Airline flight number 1 to New York: We are experiencing weather-related delays. Departure has been pushed back 90 minutes. We apologize for the inconveniece.

I'd better call Mom. She'll be worried.


Meanwhile, back in "Little Poland"...



Did you look outside?


You didn't look outside?

Why should I look outside?

You didn't even go out on the porch?

Why should I go out on the porch?

What's wrong with you??

I never go out on the porch!

Your son is flying in from Milwaukee, and you don't even go out on the porch?? What kind of mother are you?

He's still in Milwaukee. Why should I go out on the porch now?

Don't you see the weather?

I saw the news. It's nice today.

Are you CRAZY?? You don't go out on the porch?? Go out there RIGHT NOW!!

Footsteps. Open door. Close door. Footsteps.

Did you go out on the porch?

Yes. There is fog.

FOG!! Don't you want to know that? There is fog and your son is flying in from Milwaukee.


So? SO? So they'll NEVER let him land in New York. Your son is on his way to Philadelphia, and you didn't even go out on the porch!

He's going to Philadelphia? Why would he go to Philadelphia?

He's going to Philadelphia because they will divert the plane. They will NEVER let him land in New York!!

He would call me if he was going to Philadelphia. Why hasn't he called me?

Some time later...

Mom? I've been trying to call you but your line has been busy. My flight was delayed, but we're leaving in ten minutes.

Thank G-d! Do you know what Boba did to me? (see above, tells the whole story)

OK I'll see you in a few hours.

Later, on the porch...


Hi Mom (smoooooch)

Come inside, I just have to put on makeup. That Boba is making me crazy. Do you know what she did to me?

Yes, you just told me.

No, not that. The other thing. She called me up last week to tell me she has an appointment with the wrist doctor, but she's afraid to drive there by herself--

You have wrist doctors in New York?

--so I of course volunteered to drive her myself.

Of course.

But then, she made a little mistake. She told me that she also has an appointment with the foot doctor and she is driving herself there.


You see? So if she can drive herself to the foot doctor, why can't she drive herself to the wrist doctor?

It's one of the great mysteries of life.

Do you know what the lesson is?

Don't offer to drive Boba anywhere?

If you're going to be a liar, you'd better have a good memory.

I'll never remember that.

I survived Hitler, because I remembered which lies I was telling, in the convent and with the Gestapo...

I would be dead for sure.

Later, at the hospital...

Lester, look who's here, your son. Mark.

Heddo Mawk...

Do you know what Boba did to me? You won't believe it (see above)

About an hour later...

Look, Markie, your sister is here with her kids.

Oh, that's who they are!

Kids give your uncle Mark a kiss. Do you know what Boba did to me today? (see above)

Another hour later...

Look, Markie, your other sister is here. Kids make room! Rachiele, do you know what your Aunt Boba did to me today? I think she's a little crazy (see above)

Many hours later, at a posh Upper West Side Pan-Asian Kosher restaurant...

Perele, it's so nice to see you! Your hair looks beautiful. Beautiful. Did I tell you about what Aunt Boba did to me today...

Abba, I think this would make a good blog. Can you remember the whole thing?

Maybe if I hear it a few more times...


Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Sorry i missed you... next time you're going to be around here, you said once, 'll be January or so?

PsychoToddler said...

No problem. Hey, did I tell you what my mother's Aunt Boba did to her?

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Tell me in person! ;-)

Doctor Bean said...

Your dad is talking like Homestar Runner. Do his doctors know this?

Irina Tsukerman said...

Oy, that's hilarious! : D

ball-and-chain said...

This is the reason that my mother's family left the East coast. Not that we're all sane here, but at least we're not stereotypical. Priceless!

Ezzie said...

And this is why I read your blog. Hilarious - as always.

Oh yes - Eytan I. says you're "The Man".

Sweettooth120 said...

Surviving Hitler...wow. What stories to tell...did she ever tell her story to the Shoah Foundation?

Doctor Bean said...

Sweettooth120: Her story, as told to the Shoah Foundation was transcribed and can be read in the blog called "Rose's Story" in the right sidebar.

Sweettooth120 said...

PT, I never put the two together. I really enjoy reading Rose's Story and have passed it on to many friends and family.