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Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Alias

It’s become apparent to me that I need to come up with better aliases for my kids when writing about them on this blog. Keeping the names of my kids off the internet is a good idea for many reasons, especially if I’m going to be posting pictures as often as I do.

But my habit of referring to them by gender and birth order (e.g. Son1, Daughter2) is clunky and lacks the finesse many of you have come to expect from PsychoToddler. So I need to find better names, hopefully ones that are more descriptive of their personalities.

Let’s start with the girls:

Fudge: This one is pretty easy, since she picked out the name herself and I had nothing to do with it. No, I have no idea what it’s supposed to mean. I tried asking her and she said something about this being her screen name for an old blog or something. Anyway she’s stuck with it, so let that be a lesson to all you kiddies out there: Choose wisely.

Daughter2 (D2): Actually D2 isn’t a bad alias. It sounds cool, like T2 for ‘Terminator 2’, which would be very descriptive of her personality as well. How do you come up with a good nickname for the ‘coolest nine year old you know,’ as Fudge described her? I mean, the kid has it all, looks, brains, talent, funny accents, and an ability to flat-out reject guff in all its forms. She can kick your butt in Halo 2, then go upstairs and play the theme song on the piano. Here’s an example of what she’s like:

My wife is picking her up from school one day, sitting in her van outside. She sees D2 coming out wearing her winter coat and carrying a huge backpack. Suddenly there’s an older boy blocking her path and refusing to let her by. Before my wife can get out to do anything, the boy is out of the way, on the ground, and D2 is all smiles, bouncing happily into the van.

“What happened to that boy?” asks my wife.

“Before or after I punched him in the nose?” laughs my daughter.

Spunky. Anyway, D2 is also a reference to ‘The Mighty Ducks,’ and I don’t think that even applies in this situation. We thought of using some superhero name like ‘Dynagirl’ or ‘The Warrior Princess,’ but I think we’ll have to settle with her real nickname, which is what my son ‘Larry’ (see below) called her after we named her: Iguana. It sounds very much like her real name, and for a while, Larry thought it was.

Daughter 3 AKA psychotoddler: OK, many of you have pointed out the problem with this nomenclature. Specifically, that my Blogger name is Psychotoddler, and this site is named Psycho Toddler, and it’s confusing to call her that as well, especially because she’s no longer a toddler and she is most likely not even psycho. But I mean, come on, she’s the psychotoddler! There wouldn’t even be a blog called psychotoddler if it weren’t for her! I’m not changing any names, but from here on out, I will use the term “The PT” to refer to her. And the “The” is not optional. It is an integral part of her name, like “The Cheat,” who shares many of her characteristics. So you could theoretically greet her as “Hi, The PT!” or say “You’re my favorite The PT!”

BTW her real name means “little bird.” See, The PT is more descriptive.


Now for the boys. The three of them were born within a four-year, girl-free time span. So they tend to operate as a unit. I tried to find some parallels with other 3 man teams:


The Three Musketeers. Well, obviously, there are some problems here. First of all, there seems to be four of them. Aside from that D’Artagnan dude, I can’t remember the rest of their names anyway, so I don’t think it will be very useful to name my boys after them.



Huey, Dewey, and Louis. Shouldn’t it be Lewey? Anyway you can easily see what the main problem with this analogy is. Exactly. Which one is Huey, and which one is Dewey, and which one is Louis? Aside from wearing 3 different primary colors, they are exactly the same. That’s not how I would describe my three sons. Hmm…my three sons…




Naaaaah!




The Three Stooges: OK, now we’re getting somewhere! The analogy is not perfect, so we’re going to have to do some finagling to make it work:

Son1: He’s going to have to be Moe. Moe is the oldest, the ringleader, the guy dishing out most of the abuse. This is a good description of Son1. True, his hair would suggest Curly, but we all know that Curly was actually bald anyway. Irony, folks, irony! Moe is definitely the leader of the stooges at our house. The beauty of this situation is that if you are at all familiar with the Three Stooges, then I don’t have to work too hard to make you understand what my boys are like.

Son2: Larry. No question here. Larry’s the guy who goes along with what the other two are doing. The even-tempered one. The one who ducks out of the way when Moe pokes Curly in the eyes. In our house, Larry is the one who is most likely to say something unintentionally hilarious. For years I kept saying I should write his sayings down, and that's one of the reasons I started this blog.

Son3: Curly. Well, here’s where the analogy is going to break down a little. Curly in the movies was a bit of a dimwit, also fat and bald. None of these describe my youngest son. He’s smart, thin, and has my hair. But Curly is an apt moniker for him simply because it best describes him as the guy who is usually at Moe’s throat. The two of them are like bookends, and poor Larry is usually squashed in the middle while they have at each other.


Moe and Fudge: The Early Years

I should make it clear that I don't plan to use these nicknames at home (well, except for Iguana). This is for blog reference purposes only.
If you get confused later on, you may need to bookmark this post so that you can refer back to it. Also, if you feel you have a better nickname for any of them (through personal knowledge or otherwise), I’m certainly open to suggestions.

28 comments:

AMSHINOVER said...

very funny post
i'm actually wearing my ebay 3 Stooges cufflinks today

PsychoToddler said...

Hey Amshi, next time we're in NY maybe we can get together and play "the three stooges meet the wolfman"!

Wickwire said...

Beautiful children y'all have there. I liked the three Musketeers, Aramis, Athos and Porthos.

Jack's Shack said...

Good looking family.

Stacey said...

They are all such cuties. I love hearing about all of them!

JC said...

I am going to HAVE to bookmark this page to keep things straight! I only have two kids and spent half my life calling them by the wrong name. Sometimes I even end up calling my dog by the wrong name. Just keep writing and I will do my best to keep up.

tuesdaywishes said...

Thanks for the idea!

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Hmmm... three brothers... three brothers... was Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and Strong Sad too obvious for you? ;-)

PsychoToddler said...

Hey, Steg, you know, I thought about that, but then I figured only a few nerds would know what I'm talking about so it wouldn't be descriptive enough.

Maybe when we've converted more people out there...

Anyway Strong Sad was adopted.

Ezzie said...

Nice blog... I was wondering how you put the KerenDevorah link up, and if you could tell me how to do the same (sorry, didn't see an email link anywhere). I always used to go to the Rennerts, and my brother has always been extremely close with R' Rennert (actually rents from him now). Thanks!

Gunny Walker said...

Just some suggestions...
Eeny, Meeny, Miney (There ain't no Moe!)
Wynken, Blynken, and Nod
Snap, Crackle, Pop
Il Buono, il brutto, il cattivo or
Kirk, Spock, McCoy (or Scottie age=rank)
Mizaru, Kikazaru, Iwazaru (see no evil,...)
At least with those we could remember the order easily

Eli said...

Nice and funny but for me The PT will always be "The Squeaky Thing (TM)"

PsychoToddler said...

Ezzie:

I'm not sure if this will work here in the comment, but what you want to do is paste this text into the the sidebar content of your blog:

(a href="http://www.kerendevorah.org" target="_blank") (img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v441/psychotoddler/keren.jpg")(/a)

except that everywhere that I put a parenthesis () change to a caret < either open or closed.

Your brother is renting in Milwaukee? Email me offline and tell me who he is. My 2 sons are going off to WITS this week.

Gunny Walker: I like some of your suggestions better than others. Snap Crackle and Pop are interesting, but I don't know if they necessary convey a unique identity to each member. The idea is that I can reference Larry and you can tell which kid I'm talking about. The familiarity of Larry in general already conveys a sense of personality to the kid.

I'm a big Star Trek fan, but unfortuately, the comparison doesn't work with my kids.

Eli: WHHHAAAATTTTT??????

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

A little adoption anxiety never hurt anybody ;-)

Ezzie said...

PT: Actually, he's in New York (Rennerts own a house here) in Chofetz Chaim. We're both old WITSers. Thanks for the scripts...
I don't see an email link to email you at, sorry!

Ezzie said...

It works, thanks.

30cal said...

hmmm... that would've been a good description of us in 3-4 years ago, but definately not today. you seem to be behind the times a fair bit, abba.

As much as i resent being refered to as Moe without my knowledge or consent, i'll go with it for this not so little point:

Moe: me, obviously. as far as my relationship with my brothers, i try to keep it cool and stay out of fights. i often get frustrated with them for one reason or another and often tease them and become generally condenscending about the stupid things they do. i try to dispense sound advice to them, even though i know they hate that. often i get them to do stupid things out of spite, just by telling them not to. i hope that sounds fairly acurate, but then you'd have to ask my brothers. actually larry is watching over my shoulder as i type, and seems to think im on track.

larry: having read this post b4 me, larry's first words were, "me? even tempered? when was that?" i gotta say i agree. of the three of us, larry is the most fun loving and carefree i think. he's one of the few ppl in milwaukee whos not afraid to go out and spend $3 on a slurpee, even though he doesnt have a lot of money. i often tell him this is retarded, which is probably about half the reason he does it. larry is actually more even tempered than he thinks (or i think for that matter), but often gets impatient when annoyed, and reacts angrily or sometimes rashly. he tends to pick on curly alot recently, he and D2 often lure him into these Halo 2 deathmatches and drive him crazy. i tend to stand on the side here and spout out useful advice, like: larry, knock it off, curly, calm down, d2, stop talking plz, etc. they really pick on him way too much, but itll stop eventually. larry is not embarressed to be a bit nerdy, and enjoys writing comic books every now and then. even though he cant stand me, we actually hang out together quite alot.

curly: being stuck at YES still, curly has the usual symptoms of depression associated with the place. i was like, exactly like him, which i cant stand, becuz the place does things to you. getting picked on for years by 2 older brothers probably didnt help much. as abba says, we used to be at each others throats quite alot, i picked on him like anything, but that was years and ages ago. more open-minded than larry, curly works hard to improve his midos and social skills. he isnt happy very much and is practically never enthusiastic, which kind of annoys me, larry and d2. thats why they pick on him so much. me, i dont try to pick on him, but sometimes i become exasperated. the kid seems to have a loose temper and once he gets mad, he wont let go of it till he's in tears. which happens like every day. then i go over to him to tell him to chill out, and he says something along the lines of "shut up", and we both start mouthing at each other, then both realize that it's stupid and apologize, almost simoultaneously.

i figure its a stage that he's going through. he really is a bright kid and he knows it. he just needs some friends who care, so he can let it all out. hard to find at YES.

well that about sums up my view of the 3 of us. my opinions will probably just annoy my dad, but hey, i was quite suprised when i read this post that it was so far off. im not trying to make myself sound perfect or anything- im just saying what i think.

PsychoToddler said...

Moe: I will say that HS has definitely mellowed you quite a bit.

However the rest of what your wrote seems to confirm my assessment.

You and curley are definitely bookends, mirror images of each other, and therefore frequently in conflict. I think he annoys you because you see alot of yourself in him.

Regular readers of this site know that I am very proud of all of you, and will gladly hold each of you up as examples of how Jewish kids should behave.

I'm just trying to find a way to refer to you guys without using your real names too often.

Anyway you're still the three stooges to me.

Also we discussed the names on Shabbos.

Essie said...

Your kids are adorable and I love that they respond to your posts! Very cute :)
And if it makes you feel any better, my siblings and I are all very close in age and we were always at each other's throats when we were kids. Now that we are all adults (2 married) we are very close. It does get better!

30cal said...

im not offended about the moe, i didnt even watch the 3 stooges. you're right about me and curly, but larry told me few minutes ago u got him all wrong. he doesnt follow us at all- hes like, a rebel compared to us. he goes off to do his own thing, but will go out of his way to do something if i think it a dumb idea. i care alot about my brothers, so i always tell them when i think somethings a dumb idea. BIG MISTAKE! As for the even tempered part, well, u gotta ask him about it. i thought his response was pretty funny. at least he's honest with himself.

PsychoToddler said...

Anyway, you have to be Moe because you're the oldest.

Be thankful I didn't try to use the Harry Potter analogy.

30cal said...

harry potter? huh? hey wait a second, when did we talk about names over shabbos?! i dont remember that! but i dont think any of us fit with any of the characters from harry potter. except larry looks like him. and is one letter away.

Air Time said...

I know I'm a week late here, but instead of the three muskateers, my mom would call my two brothers and me Pete, Repeat and Ditto.

PsychoToddler said...

Cute.

outofAMMO said...

Iguana can't beat me in Halo 2. SHE'S the one who gets whooped, I tell you.

yitzi said...

So I was talking with my friendly neighborhood endocrinologist this morning after davening and for reasons we don’t need to get into you came up and he suggested changing the current abbreviations “PT” and “The PT” to “ΨΤ" and "ψT" . While we can all agree this would be a more accurate representation I see how it might actually promote greater confusion given that it is a slightly more sophisticated formulation and will probably only be appreciated by those who’ve also had dreams of biochemical battlefields or commonly visit the h bar. Still, I think it’s crazy enough that you might actually consider it.
yitzi

PsychoToddler said...

Replace the "P" with an unpronounceable or typeable greek letter.

Survey Says:

XXX

yitzi said...

you gotta have some talent to strike out on one swing and do something rated triple X at the same time. i didn't know i had it in me. you’ve still got an opportunity for a steal.
but seriously who wouldn't want their name to visually reference the homophone of what is commonly referred to in popular culture as a fierce ninja weapon?