Powered by WebAds

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Driver's Ed with Mark and Fudge

OK, start the ignition.

Good. Now put your foot on the brake.

Your right foot.

Your other right foot.

Just move your left foot away. You don't need it for this kind of car.

Are you sure that's the brake?

Are you SURE THAT'S THE BRAKE??

I think that's the gas.

No, it really looks like the gas.

OK, that's better. Now signal a left turn and turn the wheel to the left.

Your other left.

Good. Now look in the mirror, and in front, and the side mirror and behind.

Nobody there? Good. Pull out.

OK, TRY TO STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE STREET...

Um, you need to get back onto the right side of the street. This is a two-way street.

Here let me help you turn the wheel.

No, no...don't get nervous. Those cars will stop before they hit us.

All right, now we're on the right side of the street.

You can stop turning now.

I think you're getting a little close to those parked cars.

A LITTLE close.

A LITTLE TOO close.

Here let me help you straighten the wheel.

OK, there's a stop sign on the corner ahead. Stop right before it.

I think you should stop a little closer to the sign. We're still a good 30 feet away.

OK here comes the sign...this would be a good time to stop...before you go through it...see, you would get points off for this sort of thing.

Good. Now look left, right, and left and if no cars are coming you can go through the intersection.

OK you can go.

Um, go.

STTTOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

No, you didn't do anything wrong, don't panic. It's just that if, um, you look, and then you don't go for a while, maybe it would be a good idea to look again before you finally move, because maybe a carOH MY GD STOP MOVING!!!!

Look, keep your foot on the brake and don't move forward when you're looking at me.

No, it's OK, I'm cool.

My hand? Clutching my chest? Why, I hadn't even noticed. Must be heartburn. You're doing fine.

You just need a little practice.

24 comments:

fudge said...

http://crimeandtreasononthehighseas.blogspot.com/

Jack's Shack said...

Sounds like fun.

treppenwitz said...

That was a scream! Zahava came upstairs this morning wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. She waived off my questioning look and just said, "Go read psychotoddler right this minute!".

I'm glad I sometimes listent o my wife.

Shabbat Shalom!

Doctor Bean said...

Very funny. It might be less stressful if you taught Fudge to use HTML links in her comments. Or, she can read my comments to you way back when I taught you. You have learned well, young psycho...

After you follow the link, scroll way down to where PT asks how to insert links in comments.

PsychoToddler said...

Just in case she's less than motivated to learn HTML, here is Fudge's side of the story.

Doctor Bean said...

Both posts are hillarious.

Why am I cluthcing my chest?

Well, because she just left the url to the main page of her blog, so in a week or two her comment won't link to the right post. You must use the permalink, my young paduan.

PsychoToddler said...

You are anal retentive, aren't you, Bean?

PsychoToddler said...

Trep (haha):

Im Yirtzeh Hashem By You

(the 5 scariest words anyone can say)

torontopearl said...

Maybe Fudge was too busy swatting at flies to keep her hands on the wheel and her eyes on the road.

She's a great writer; stand up and kvell LOUDLY!

Gut Shabbos.

PsychoToddler said...

I left out my best line from last night:

Don't hit that guy.
Don'thitthatguydonthitthatguydonthitthatguyDONTHITTHATGUY!!

Anonymous said...

Ah, memories. I think it was a month before I dared going faster than 5 miles per hour!

Doctor Bean said...

LOL!

Of course I'm anal retentive. I thought all internists were.

My sympathies to "THATGUY".

ball-and-chain said...

Wow, am I glad I live in Los Angeles, not, wait where do you live again, Kansas?

Stacey said...

Thanks a lot. I just had peppermint tea coming out of my nose. This was tooooooo funny!!

queeniesmom said...

what a laugh! it brought back memories of my father teaching me to drive. learning to reverse was especially harrowing, why do all fathers give way toooo much info?! i really didn't need to know all the technical details (still don't).

Fudge you have my sympathies - your post was sooo true! any way no one drives in ny, so don't worry when you start at YU.

shavoah tov, som kal

JC said...

I think this is a universal experience, that you will be on one end of this conversation at some point. It brought back fond and frightening memories. Thanks for sharing, you gave me a good laugh today.

fudge said...

yeah, it's like my dad says...well, i guess i don't need to say it if he's here to say it, but anyway, he says that everyone goes through the same basic routines, but as you get older, everyone takes one step over.

parcequilfaut said...

Experiences like that one are the reason my dad got one of his coworkers to teach me to drive. Two sessions was enough for us to see that it wasn't going to work out with him trying to teach me, since unlike most normal teenagers I was terrified of learning to drive. But with someone else teaching me who was a family friend, I wasn't nearly as uptight about the whole business. Sounds like you did OK, since Fudge wasn't bawling at the end like I was.

Mirty said...

Interesting that your daughter is named Peril. I mean, Perel. ;)

She has a great blog.

PsychoToddler said...

Gosh, never heard THAT one before, Mirty.

I was surrounded by Monty Python freaks when she was born. Believe me, we never heard the end of it.

ifuncused said...

lol. lol. lol
I remember my days of learning how to drive...NOT that long ago (depends who you ask)
Don't know if I will brave taking my own kids driving....
Very funny...
Goodluck

Mirty said...

I knew I was mentioning it at my own peril....

fudge said...

hey, thanks (; with all appropriate respect, this joke shall now die.

and BY the way, guess who drove on capitol, blue mound AND a bunch of other open highways at 50 mph today while simultaneously holding a political debate with the instructor.

Shira Salamone said...

Fudge, you go, gal! And you can read that anyway you want. :)