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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Does this make my butt look big?

In order to accomodate my new Pocket PC, I've had to move my wallet from my left front pocket to my left rear pocket. And now my tuchas is absolutely killing me. So today I decided to thin it out (the wallet). It's amazing how much crap I've kept in there. In no particular order, I found:

8 business cards from various musicians I've played with over the
1 frayed mincha/maariv booklet that's so faded that I don't think it
qualifies as shamos anymore
3 receipts from the Brass Bell Music store, again too faded to read
1 business card from an insurance agent (how did that get in
2 Best Buy receipts from 1999
3 cardboard "Dictation Guidelines" cards, each from a different hospital,
but otherwise exactly identical, including the mysteriously
hand-written number 02135, and I have no idea what that means
2 expired mini-sized "State of Wisconsin" Medical licences (and one valid
3 expired auto-insurance cards
4 single dollar-bills
4 AAA membership/discount cards, one valid
1 business card for "Heads Up," the African-American-owned shop where I
secretly bought my kids' black fedoras for a fraction of the price they pay in
frum stores (shhhh...don't tell Chicago)
1 business card for "Milwaukee Sound Service", the deaf 85 year-old guy who ran sound at a local music show (boy is that a funny story...)
1 receipt from Burleigh Pharmacy for $2.79. Possibly for a gallon of
1 of my own business cards, on which I scribbled another
number. No idea who or what
My soon to be expired driver's license and my new driver's license
4 membership cards to the Milwaukee Public Museum, 1 valid
3 Zoo-passes, none valid
2 Health insurance cards. No expiration date. I have no idea
which is valid
1 additional single dollar-bill, folded 8 times into a little square
3 Supercuts cards: saying I have either 1, 5, or 3 haircuts to go until I
get a free one
2 Sherman Perk Coffeehouse cards, also seeming to indicate I am
past-due for a free coffee

That's just the crap I took out of my wallet!
I still have a bunch of credit cards, licenses, bank cards, dental card, library cards, Blockbuster cards and 7 purple guitar picks.

My butt feels soooooo much better.


Mrs. Balabusta said...

Now imagine what we would find if you flossed?!

ball-and-chain said...

Dr. Bean, Dr. Bean I hope you read this. See, I'm not so bad. At least all of my receipts are current.

Ralphie said...

You might wanna fully geek out and get a belt-attaching carrying case that doubles as a wallet. Belkin makes some nice, affordable ones.

fudge said...

i'll see your gallon of milk receipt and raise you three used bus passes.

Stacey said...

Dude, you are a total pack-rat. You need a purse. ;)

Safranit said...

You need to get yourself one of these: all-ett

parcequilfaut said...

My wallet is similarly bad on the expired cards, random numbers, and business cards. I think the only thing in it of major relevance is my blood donor card, since I keep the super-important cards in a separate and detachable card holder which would render a wallet unneccessary if it were only a bit larger.
What's worse, it's inside a purse that, at any given time, contains even more random crap I probably shouldn't haul around...recent removals included a tub of dreadlock wax and a ticket from a WV music festival, and there are assorted semiprecious stones, a book of Jewish proverbs, two bottles of over the counter pain reliever, various Jones Soda bottle caps with particularly interesting fortunes, a set of prayer beads, and at least $2 in small change still in there (not counting the change in the card-holder). Forget my tuchus, my shoulder hurts. ;)

Wickwire said...

Mrs. Balbusta made me laugh.
What is up with those mysterious handwritten numbers? I've got them too. Mine is 087450.

Dindel said...

Clean it all out. You know its useless.. Is it holding some kind of sentimental, security for you? Exp license, insures cards, milk receipts??
I’m sure you can let go, we’ll start a support group for you. I’ll join. I have the same pile on the top of the dresser in my room. I clean out my purse every time I switch them. I think I have pay stubs at the bottom of that mess, from like last year.
(Actually I know I do. I came across it last night)
But, you know what the difference is… I don’t carry my mess in my back pocket. :)
Or you could just get a "man bag"

PsychoToddler said...

All of you people who are suggesting some kind of purse or "European Carryall", I know you mean well, but don't you realize that I will just fill that up with even more useless drek?

The answer is less, not more.

Safranit's idea has some merit though. Space-age polymers...

Neil said...

You have a mincha booklet -- in your wallet?

Shira Salamone said...

ROTFL! :) Just what I needed after a glorious evening of duking it out ever so politely with YOSEF of http://briskerway.blogspot.com/ at my blog. Genieg shoin with debates over p'shat *vs.* drash, as if one should have to choose! Time for some fun! :) Yesiree, a bunch of floss and 3 used bus passes, indeed. :)

Shira Salamone said...

My husband the Punster wants to know where you found the crap--in your wallet or, er, see the tile of this post. Er, never mind. :)

JC said...

They say that sitting on a "too fat" wallet all day can actually throw your back out of alignment! Lucky that you cleaned things out when you did. It sounds waaaayyy too much like my wallet, but I at least get to carry it in my purse-now why is it that my butt still looks big?

Shira Salamone said...

Er, a bit over the top, my last comment. Sorry about that. It's just that I laughed so hard when Punster said it that it was a classic case of "Resistance is futile." :) I'll try to behave myself next time.

Shira Salamone said...

On the subject of "junk overload," you really don't want to know what I carry to work every day in my backpack. Oy, vey, don't ask! It'd be easier to tell you what's *not* in there!

PsychoToddler said...

You have a mincha booklet -- in your wallet?

Not anymore. Now it's in my PDA.

For those who are wondering what that is(was) and why I would have one in my wallet...it never hurts to be prepared. I mean you never know when you're going to need one. Er, that is there's always the possibility of a spontaneous Mincha...

Mincha is the 2nd prayer service of the day, and it's very common at Jewish Weddings for there to be services to pray Mincha while the shmorg is going on, and I like to have the prayer booklet along so I can say the words. So I've had this pamphlet in my wallet for a while, but now I have it on my PDA.

PsychoToddler said...

Shira: as to where the "crap" comes from. It's always the same answer. Someone gives it to me.

JC: My back is so far out of alignment already that there's a good chance that this wallet may put it back into alignment.

Neil said...

Re: mincha book on PDA

Does this mean at the shul of the 22nd century, we'll all be using Tablet PCs for prayer books?

PsychoToddler said...


Yeah, but not on Shabbos (no computers on Shabbos).

BTW, when I daven at the Kollel minyan in the evening, half the guys there are taking out their PDAs/Trios and using those. Pretttttty strange looking.

Ralphie said...

So do you kiss the PDA after davening?

PsychoToddler said...

So do you kiss the PDA after davening?

That's a bit personal, isn't it?

tuesdaywishes said...

About your mystery number, 02135 was my zip code in Boston. Of course, I left Boston in 2000, but for your wallet, that's fairly recent.

PsychoToddler said...

I think what it is really just one number off from the address of the 70's TV show ZOOM:

Write Zoom
Zee double-O Emm
Box 350
Boston, Mass
Oh - 2 1 3 4
Send it to Zoom!